The League

Gentlemen, I introduce you to the newest addition of the Andre gallery:

a Klumberg.

Wow.

God!

I saw it in a gallery in Telluride, and it spoke to me.

I mean, every time I look at it, I still get chills because it's so... Yeah.

...powerful, I mean... TACO: Yeah, it's a penis bird attacking ass mountain.

There's no penis here, okay?

It's abstract.

It is something.

Why is the tip of the penis pink?

It's art! There doesn't need to be a reason!

Use your imagination.

Except for the part that makes you think this is a penis bird.

To me, it makes me feel like the penis bird is dipped into

ass mountain, and has then been ejected, but he's taking a

little bit of ass mountain with him.

Or it could be going in at an angle like the shocker.

Yes.

It's not a shocker.

I don't think they're selling a picture of the shocker for $25,000.

Okay!

What?!

$25,000 American dollars?

$25,000.

Not bad, right?

I mean, it's a Klumberg.

What a steal.

Yeah, that is definitely a crime.

You could get pictures like this for free on the Internet.

No, it's art.

It's colonialism, and you'll never get it.

Which part do you think's the dick?

This couch sucks.

Well, don't cram into it then.

Andre, I am sorry for what I just did to your bathroom, bro. (chuckles)

Why did you bring him?

Because Sofia said I had to.

Hey, man, will you trade beers with me?

Why?

I tasted yours.

I like it better.

Wait. You had some of this?

Yeah, just a minute ago.

Raffi, don't drink other people's beers.

You're a dick.

What? We're all hanging out.

Here, it's all yours.

Thanks, man.

This house is cool.

You know what you should do in this place, Andre?

Don't talk about shooting a porno here.

Shoot a porno.

I got this buddy... If you talk about Dirty Randy... ...Dirty Randy.

This guy is amazing.

I'm not interested.

He scouts locations for pornos.

I've used him before.

It's great.

They mostly clean everything up.

I don't want to have people having sex in here.

Dude, are you?

Somebody's gotta have sex in this place I just jerked off in the bathroom, so that's three of us.

I thought you were taking a shit.

Yeah, I did both at the same time.

Oh, come on, man!

What? It's how I work!

Raffi, isn't there somewhere you're supposed to be?

Yeah, I got a date tonight.

Don't talk about Molly.

Molly!

You're dating Molly?

Ah, I don't know if I would call it "dating."

You know her?

Yeah, I went to the party to talk to her.

Oh, that's right.

You blew it. (laughs)

You guys, best friend club Don't touch.

You guys, fella, number one.

If Dirty Randy comes by, don't let him in if you're alone.

He preys on the weak.

Tell him not to come.

Love you guys.

Uh, Ruxin, I know that Raffi's family and that he's one of our best friends and

everything, but I hate him.

Taco is right.

That guy is a cancer.

He's the worst, man.

I mean... he really has... He's horrible!

He's terrible!

I know! I agree!

I want him gone!

Well, then do something about it.

I can't! He's family!

He is my Fredo.

He hasn't even won one game.

El Cuñado has made this entire thing just unfun.

Well, if it's not fun anymore, why do we do it?

That's it.

Guys, we disband the league.

No, you can't disband the league.

No, no, not for real.

We have a big fake fight in front of Raffi where he sees

everything fall apart, then the next day, we just start

the league over again, and he's none the wiser.

Good, good.

In order to save the league, we gotta kill it.

This is just like Ocean's Twelve.

What?

You're the little Asian guy, I'm Bernie Mac, you're Casey

Affleck... Maybe we should just kill the league for real.

Raffi is such an asshole.

He always punches me in the penis.

I have absolutely no sympathy for you.

I'm done.

Ooh, I almost forgot, it's garbage day.

Taco, don't rummage through other people's stuff.

I'll catch up with you guys.

Why does he do this?

You know, at least he's not gonna be taking it from our house.

Kevin, hey. Russell.

Hey, Russell. Hey.

Russell, hey!

Hey, Jenny. How are you?

How are you?

Good to see you guys.

Wow!

Back from New York, huh?

Yeah. I tried it, I didn't like it.

Too crowded, too many crazy people.

What's Taco doing in the Dumpster?

Howdy, Russell.

Like my new hat?

Yeah. A homeless guy threw that away two days ago.

Well, his loss.

Hey, you need anything while I'm in here?

Shoe? Part of a cat?

No, no, I'm all good on cat parts.

All right.

>>

I see him at the grocery store.

Let me ask you a question.

What is going on with his clothes?

Uh... It's out of control.

He looks like a roller-blading instructor.

I know. It's a nightmare.

Yeah, it's embarrassing.

I would love to catch up with you guys sometime.

Absolutely. We should have dinner or something.

That would be great.

Do I still have your info?

Is this you guys?

Uh, yeah.

That's it.

Cool.

Give us a call.

Did you hear that?

Sorry?

I thought I heard Velcro.

Nothing. I gotta go.

It's great to see you guys.

Yeah.

Taco, be careful.

Lot of bad stuff in there.

Oh, a lot of good stuff.

Hey, I got a hat, I got some tape, I got a sweatshirt and

a brand-new toilet seat.

I really needed this.

What happened to your old one?

There's no old one.

Hey, Jenny and I ran into your buddy Russell who I guess

is back from New York.

Yes, here's a little dirt for you: Russell is a sex addict.

No, he's not.

Yeah, big-time.

That's a tough disease.

There's no such thing.

It's a problem of the privileged man.

It's all about opportunity.

You don't see janitors running around being, like, "Oh, God, I

"can't stop tapping all this ass!"

How much sex do you need to have before you know

you're an addict?

Guys, you're making fun of a serious condition.

The guy's just good at what he does.

He's not an addict.

He's-he's accomplished.

Yeah, sex addicts are just guys who are telling the truth.

"Yes, I would like to tap that and I would like to tap that

and I will tap that eventually."

You're such a romantic.

Mm-hmm.

Guys, we got to talk about this fake fight situation if

we're gonna pull this off.

I'm in.

Yeah, I can't do it.

I gotta keep my hands clean on this one.

Too much rage in these puppies.

Yeah, I didn't bring my stun gun.

I don't fight without it.