Girl Fever AKA 100 Women (100 Women)

# 2000 kisses keep me awake #

# 2000 kisses that's what I take #

# 2000 kisses listen to me #

# I'm used to getting #

# Everyone bring #

# 2000 kisses who wants to sleep? #

# 2000 kisses everyone needs #

# So come on, come on #

# Get to my door #

# And I will give you 10,000 more. #

Hello, ladies.

This is all kind of funny,

really.

Actually this whole thing

started because of laughter. You know, laughter,

when the smile has an orgasm.

And out of 100

of you women, I can bring 99 of you to this climax chuckle.

I can.

But I can't make

the one girl I love smile like she made me smile

on the worst day of my already

terrible, laughable life,

which is quite a feat

considering I've been having horrible days

ever since I was a kid.

# You think that you #

# Could walk out on me #

# Every day I grow farther from you #

# You think that I'll be there... #

Sorry, I'm sorry.

# I'm finished with you #

# I celebrate #

# I celebrate #

# My days of hate, my days of hate #

# 'Cause now I see #

# That you're nothing to me... #

# Go #

Your tongue is caught on my clit ring.

Oh God. No!

Don't move, don't, don't, don't move!

# So go out and get with #

# Any guy you find #

# Every day I grow farther from you #

# Don't come crawling back #

# When you can't find #

This drawing is...

appalling.

You show absolutely no understanding of this womans

or any womans.

In the future the only drawing you'll be doing

is drawing... unemployment.

You have to listen to me. We are over.

We are completely and totally over.

Next time you break up with me,

you wanna do it before I give you a ride home?

We are over.

Hey, no! You can't do this to me now!

Please, Gretchen, not now!

Today's already the worst day of my life!

I believe you've lost your smile.

You've lost your smile.

Guy's voice: Her name was Hope.

She had this winning smile

that could take Olympic gold.

Guy: I've had a lot of bad days in my life,

but today definitely qualifies as the worst.

Things could be worse.

At least Gretchen broke up with you before she made you

get your penis pierced.

You see,

you're funny ha-ha. I'm just sort of

accidentally funny.

- Accidentally funny? - Yeah.

I'm always doing weird stuff and I don't even know it.

It just happens and thus, I'm accidentally funny.

Sam, nobody's normal all the time.

Look at me.

I just noticed I've had my shirt on inside-out

all day.

Yeah, but you know,

I'm not even normal some of the time.

You see, would you look at this?

Case in point, right? I have a fake wallet

I keep in my pants pocket in case I get mugged.

I keep my real money crumpled up inside my sock.

This is odd.

You know anyone else in the entire world that does this?

- Mm-hmm. - One other.

- Who? - Me.

That's a really good idea.

Great.

Now I'm contagious.

Sam, what made you enroll in art school?

I sort of determined that all artists are weird,

so if I became one, then I'd have an excuse

for my chronic strangeness.

You can see now why today is my personal Waterloo.

In less than an hour I've not only found out

I have no talent, no future,

no girlfriend,

but now I also have no excuses for my eccentrocities.

- What can I do to cheer you up? - Nothing.

- There's nothing you can do. - Maybe I could...

start by cleaning the snew off your shirt.

Snew?

- What's snew? - I don't know.

What's snew with you?

What did Snow White say to Pinocchio

when she was sitting on his face?

"Lie to me, lie to me."

So let's make like a baby and head out.

Let's go.

You know what I think we should do?

No.

Which window did you say was your ex-girlfriend's?

I think it was that one.

You bastard, I'm gonna come down there

and cut your balls off.

Then I'm gonna shove them in your mouth and make you eat them.

Sam: Laughter really is one of the smile orgasms.

Let me tell you Hope and I had laughter that was

multiple, simultaneous, wet.

- Hope: My number 555... - Okay.

- 6344. - 6344.

- Okay great... - Oh and...

Don't forget this...

- Hey, yeah. - Your smile.

And thank you for giving it back to me.

Yeah.

(horn beeping, thunderclap)

- That's my ride. - Okay.

- Call me. - Yeah, I will.

Sam: I had to find Hope.

So I took a job as a delivery guy.

Here's your order.

Sam: Hope probably would have called me a cuisine courier.

Here's your...

Sam: It's lame, I know, but at least the job allowed me

to search for Hope on every corner...

- Taxi! - And every building

on every run I made throughout the city.

Oh my God. I'm so sorry.

I'm gonna pull out, I mean, back out.

Woman: Women, please follow me this way.

The Abigail Wadley Women's Residence and Club

has been in existence since 1923.

We have women from all 50 states as well as Puerto Rico and Guam.

And 20 other countries.

We have two Olympic-sized swimming pools,

as well as four tennis courts.

Excuse me?

Hi. Do you know where 6D is?

Thanks.

Delivery.

Wow, Hope!

- Hey! - Hello, Sam.

Oh my God. I've been looking for you everywhere.

You have no idea, I am so sorry I never called you,

because you wrote your number down on my palm

and it was pouring rain that night

- and it just washed off... - It's okay.

How are you?

You look like someone dropped an ACME safe on your head.

- I'm fine. - Yeah.

Me too, I'm fine too.

Well, this is awkward.

Times like this I think about dogs.

Dogs?

Yeah.

I like the way they lick your face

and let you pet them all over when you first meet them.

It's just it would be nice

if women could immediately let you know you're liked

the way that a dog lets you know.

Really nice icebreaker.

Maybe.

- Your chicken fajitas. - Oh, thanks.

You remembered the extra salsa.

I think all I have is a 50.

That's okay.

I think I can break that.

You got me making a habit out of this.

Are you sure you're all right?

Never better.

'Cause you don't look never better.

You're wrong, I'm fine.

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken

and I'm not wrong here.

Come on, what's the matter?

Nothing that a nice high ledge with a view

couldn't take care of.

Goodbye, Sam.

- Hey. Where's Holden? - He's in back.

I wanna bottle up your sweat, baby.

Oh you got such a tight, tight ass.

What's that?

Squeeze it harder, huh? Yeah.

What the hell are you doing?

Hey, man.