Amazing Stories

Ripped By Bornholm

- Hey, captain. - Damn it, lamar. Don't stack these babies so close.

- Check that these racks ain't loose. - I'll worry about droppin' 'em from six feet. You worry about droppin' 'em from 20,000.

Get it worked out, fellas. What's this?

Come on, boys. Up and at 'em. Let's get to it.

Morning, captain. What's this?

Hey, captain, how are we gonna fly without jonathan?

Yeah, i thought you said he was gonna come and give us our lucky rub.

Well, that's funny. I was talking to the old man.

I said, "colonel, you can say a lot of things about my crew,

but you can't say they're superstitious." right?

Come on, boys. A little fire and vinegar. Let's move.

- Let's close it up back there. - Hey, watch it down there, will ya!

- get these babies out of the way. - Come on, will ya? Typical, isn't it?

- So what are they so glum about then? - Well, this lad, jonathan, he's their lucky piece.

- Oh, i see. - The captain's flown 22 missions with his lucky boy.

Now he's got to fly number 23 with a green belly gunner.

- That's rotten luck, isn't it? - It's terrible.

Boys don't wanna fly without jonathan. It was you who said he was our lucky rub.

I know what i said. Nobody flies 24 missions- and i mean nobody!

Hell, i wouldn't let him on that airplane if he had a round-trip ticket.

- Aw, come on, captain. - You stow it, static.

The 24th mission's voodoo. Everybody knows that.

I'd just as soon go up with a green gunner than a jinxed-

- morning, fellas. - Hey, johnny.

- Thanks. - Jonathan, how're you doing?

How're you doing there, buddy?

Supposed to be in your civvies, boy.

Civvies is okay for the soda fountain, but a little bit thin for berlin in january, wouldn't you say?

Jonathan, can i have a word with you?

A minute, fellas.

Captain.

You know, you don't have to do this.

We've been through 22 missions together, sir, and, well, hell, i'm your lucky charm.

You wouldn't go on a flight without insurance now, would you?

Must be your replacement.

Well, sir, what we have before us is a real dilemma.

You gonna fly your last mission with a green gunner... or the jinxed one?

- Let's move. Everybody. - Come on, captain.

In the plane. Sparky, come on.

- All right, team. - All right, jonathan.

- Bring us back home. - Yeah!

So how long till we get to call you dad?

About four months. But liz has never been on time for anything in her life,

so i'm not gonna hold my breath.

But, you know, we were thinking that, uh, since you never use your real name,

and if we have a boy, we'd like to give it yours.

You really wanna call your son arnold?

Arnold?

Yeah. You takin' her stateside?

Of course. She's a citizen now.

- Hey, i meant to ask you, did you get accepted? - Sure did.

University of minnesota engineering department. G.i. Bill.

Congratulations.

- You know, we're gonna have to keep in touch, buddy. - You bet.

Pilot to crew. Take your stations.

Yep. We're gonna buy the farm on this trip, dave. I can feel it.

I can smell it. It's like some bad taste inside my mouth.

You know when i start to worry? The one time you don't tell me that.

- Hey, can i see? - It's not for you, worrier. Trust me.

Here you go, lamar.

Ain't that the truth. You said it, brother.

Merry christmas, captain.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

Take squadron to new course 02l3. Winds 070 out of 2l35.

So what you doin'after today?

Suppose i'll be instructing d.r. Navigation to a bunch of gung-ho rowdies same as we used to be.

You seen these?

I don't think we were supposed to find these.

You know jonathan's always fixin' to surprise us with one thing or another.

There's the captain and jake.

Look at that. Look at scrappy.

You know, we've been lucky.

Swallow it. Twenty-three outings, 23 homecomings.

Lxnay. You're gonna jinx the last round-trip.

- You know what these are? - What?

Lieutenant's bars.

If we gotta bail, put 'em on your collar and say in german-

There's you, farm boy, on your cow.

- There's sam and dave. - Yeah, but which is which?

That's dave 'cause he's got the lucky rabbits.

There's sam 'cause he's always got the girl. These are good.

Yeah, these are good. Look who that is.

- That's you, ol' buddy. Take a good look at yourself. - Yeah, he's got a real good sense of humor.

"I am an american officer.

"Do not put me in with the enlisted men.

I expect to be treated as an officer under the rules of the geneva convention."

Say, you're pretty good.

See this?

Read some more of this. Don't speak to me until we land.

Why can't i do that?

Because jonathan's got the old imagination.

Say, i got six m.e. 109s. What's that make me?

A war hero, chum. After the war, that and a nickel gets you a cup of coffee.

But jonathan here, he's got the old imagination.

That and a penny and we'll all be working for him someday.

Say, i got imagination.

That, plus six confirmed kills-

- are gonna win me a date with- - betty grable.

You know something, sam? Maybe i was wrong about you.

You got a real good imagination.

Bandits, 10:00! Bandits, 1 2:00- coming out of the sun!

Battle positions!

- I got more at 3:00! - Fighters approaching 10:00 low.

Enemy approaching 12:00 high.

- I got 'em, i got 'em, i got 'em. - Coming to your side!

You can nail 'em going away.

Coming down to you, jonathan!

I see four. Bandits at 9:00!

Number-one outboard smoking! Bail out!

No!

Leapin' lizards, what was that?

What the hell was that?

We lost two.

Salvo 'em, bullseye.

- What the hell hit us? - I don't know.

All right, i want battle damage and casualty reports from all crew stations on the double.

Bombardier okay.

Radio operator okay.

Engineer okay, sir.

Right gunner okay. What the hell is that? Left gunner okay.

Captain, something's punched through here.

I don't know what it is yet, but it's right above jonathan's head.

Captain to belly gunner, report.

Come on, jonathan. Over. Captain to belly-gunner, report.

Jonathan, what the hell's going on down there? Over.

Captain, uh, must've been the concussion.

Say, that lousy kraut mosquito gave me a bloody nose,

but i think i nailed him.

Yeah, well, you swatted him good, kid.

- Get yourself topside. Let one of the boys take a look at you. - All right, cap.

Cap, i seem to be having some trouble getting the hatch open.

Jonathan's having trouble with his hatch. Somebody give him a hand.

- Let's take her home, jake. - Aye, aye, captain.

Cap, can't rotate the azimuth of the turret.

Can't expose the hatch.

So, in plain english, "help."

Come on. Let's get him out of here. Come on out. Come on.

- Shoot, that's hot. - All right, let's go.

We're gonna turn this thing to the right, all right?

Ready? On three. Ready? One, two, three.

Come on!

Try it again. Come on. Ready? Come on. One more time.

Let's go. Give it a nice kick this time. Ready? One, two, three.

Go. Come on! Come on!

Hey, uh, did i ever tell you fellas...

that i have this fear about small places?

- Come on, static. You wanna switch with me? Come on. - No, thank you.

Hey, uh, static,

i just want you to know that this thing is soldered, welded shut, okay?

We're not gonna get him out of here without a blowtorch.

- Hey, anybody confirm that one? - It's mine.

You clobbered him real good, buddy. You sent half of him back to creation.

The only problem is, you got the other half on top of you like a dead bull.

- Oh. - Now, kid, can you hear me?

- Yeah. Good. 'cause you're gonna be stuck inside mama's belly...

till we can land this thing and blowtorch you outta there, okay?

All right, lamar. I don't think i'm gonna bleed to death, so don't you fellas worry about me.

I'll be fine. All right, static.

Hate that song. Just hate it.

Okay, static. Let's have the good news.

Okay, cap'n. You burnt seventeen hundred gallons en route to primary target.

We lost another hundred gallons when number-four outboard disintegrated.

Now, we can make it back to coventry if the winds are kind.

But i gotta believe the underside of this baby's fairly torn to pieces.

Yeah, she's flying heavy to the right. You can feel it.

Cap'n, have you tried lowering the landing gear yet?

No indication showing, sir.

Negative.

Say, how does it feel to be the biggest sardine in the can?

Oh, i don't know. Come on. Tell me.

- You really wanna know? - Yeah.

Okay.

God, that's so silly.

- Say, bullseye? - Yes, sir.

Take a look and tell me if you can see any one of our wheels in the down-and-lock position. Over.

Negative. Negative, captain, sir.

It looks like a rubbish pile under both wings.

Looks like you're gonna get to toboggan us in, sir.

Well, i never landed two wheels up before.

- But we'll be bone-dry by then, right? - Yes, sir.

Only thing on fire will be this cigar.

Yes, sir.

- Captain, we got a problem. - Huh?

- I don't know how to tell you. - Well, speak up, sergeant.

It's jonathan, sir. He's trapped in the belly turret. I don't think we can get him out.

We're goin' belly down with 30 tons of airplane on a concrete runway.

Well, i don't think 1,100 pounds of plexi and aluminum are going to hold him up, do you?

- No, sir. - Well, let's get 'im out.

- Give me a hand, lamar. - It's fused shut, sir.

- I know. Give me a hand. - We already tried.

I heard you the first time. Now let's do it again.

- Did you try that way? - Yes, captain.

All right.

Oh, my god. He knows.

He knows. Of course he knows.

He's got the best view in the ballpark down there.

Howya doing in there, kid?

I'm a little scared, captain, but, uh,

i knowyou're not gonna let anything happen to me, because i'm your lucky charm, right?