The Simpsons

Everyone...

...was napping.

- Ahmed Adoody. - Wait, there's...

- My people... - Come down to the stu...

Steamed ham.

The cosmic ballet goes on.

- Gigantism. - King of the world!

Oh, this is the best gift of all, Homer.

- It is? - What's his name?

Number Eight.

I mean, Santa's Little Helper.

Why does Homer talk like Walter Matthau?

Hey, Martin Princess.

If you like that cello so much, why don't you marry it?

- No heckling. - Way to quash 'em, sir.

Hey, Skinner, if you like Chalmers so much,

why don't you marry him?

Well, as the superintendent,

he's married to all the principals.

Thank you. You've made the anniversary

of my wife's death even more depressing.

Who likes happy songs?

Well, for those of you who didn't cheer,

here's a very sad song about the world today.

She loves me. She loves me not.

Oh, why do I always use flowers with two petals?

Simpson, pull the fire alarm.

You want me to embarrass my sister

in front of the whole school?

No.

I dared you.

Don't do it, Bart.

Please. I love you.

I'm not doing it. I'm refusing a dare.

You just signed your death warrant, Simpson.

And we're the witnesses.

All we need is a notary.

- Notary. Notary. - We'll see.

Oh, it's that kid who refused a dare.

His life is ruined.

I'm turning my back on you.

Hi, Bart.

Simpson, I'd like to see you in my office.

Your parents are waiting.

Bart's got a dad.

Bart's got a dad.

I do not.

Bart, I just want to say...

I'm so proud of you.

Dad, do you think I did the right thing?

Of course, absolutely.

You did the worst thing any boy can do.

It's worse than wetting your pants while on Santa's lap,

and I've been on both sides of that one.

I'm sorry.

Bart, you have to take a dare.

- But what if it's...? - Any dare.

Grampa, Dad says I have to take a dare.

I had Homer on a dare,

and as horrible as that worked out, I'd do that again.

Why did someone dare you to have Homer?

It was after the war, we needed babies.

Bart, I have a secret.

I've never been happier to be your mother.

You're a good boy.

Mom, please. Somebody might hear you.

Oh, look at him!

Bart's mom wears a seat belt.

Let them laugh, Bart.

This is wonderful.

Every laugh turns into one more smoochie-poo from Mom.

Cut it out.

Three cheers for the mama's boys.

Sorry to do this on Mother's Day!

So, Simpson, word on the street is

you're looking for a dare.

Yeah, fine.

I need to get this monkey off my back.

Hey, how about that for a dare?

Putting a monkey on his back.

And after we're done, then what?

We have a monkey that's our permanent responsibility.

Yeah, think ahead, dingus.

Simpson, I dare you to jump into the reservoir

from Dead Boy's Ledge.

We'll be watching from Haw-Haw Heights.

Simpson, is that your kid?

Oh, my God. I've got to stop him!

I dare you not to.

It was a joke, idiot. Get your kid.

Bart!

Do I really have to do this?

I dare you.

Dare you. Dare you.

Dare you.

I love Echo Canyon.

Oh, this place sure has a lot of names.

Cowabunga!

We've done all we could.

Run!

Beat it!

He'll be fine.

And my burrito's ready.

Your boy should wake up soon.

All right. This time, he's really done it.

We're gonna have to do something.

Change schools. Move.

Whatever it takes.

Mom?

- Sweetie, are you okay? - I am.

Then why would you do such a stupid, stupid thing?

Marge, Marge. As someone who's fallen off

a cliff multiple times,

the best thing we can do

is teach him how to fall off cliffs.

I just want to know, Bart.

I had hope and now I don't. Why?

Please, O Lord.

Let him think of an awesome lie.

Well, when I was in the other world...

What other world?

I'm not sure.

But it was joyful, clouds, harps, Abe Lincoln.

Oh, my God, Marge!

I think our son went to heaven.

Were there any other presidents?

- No. - It was heaven. What else, boy?

I have a message for you, Mom.

- From who? - Jesus.

Don't say that if it's not true.

You have to believe him, Marge.

It's a deathbed confession.

He's not on his deathbed.

The guy in the bed before him died.

Mom. Jesus said to tell you, things will get better.

Oh, I really want to believe that.

If you saw Jesus, did you see anything else?

I saw your dad, Grandpa Bouvier.

Tell me something he said that only I would know.

He said...

he thinks Homer is an idiot.

Oh, my God, I can hear his voice through you.

Excuse me a minute.

Good work, boy.

You got us off the hook in the short term,

which is all that ever matters.

- Tell me more about heaven, son. - Jesus rides a rainbow horse.

Fascinating. Is the horse rainbow-colored?

Or does it walk on a rainbow?

Rainbows come out its butt.

Let me ponder that with joy.

Tell me more, son.

Well, there's no cracks on the sidewalks.

And saying you brushed your teeth makes it true.

You can go to baseball games with all the dead players.

And you always catch a home run.

And the angels talk to each other like this...

Does this Jesus have any tattoos

or distinguishing marks?

No, but he really thinks the sermons are too long.

Boys, we're gonna have a talk with the Reverend.

Bart.

I've held my tongue, because I appreciate

you not ruining my song.

Can't ruin what already sucks. Burn.

All right. I'm just gonna say it.

I don't think you really saw Jesus.

You know, the Lord warned me

there'd be disbelievers. Begone!

I don't know why you're doing this, but beware,

little lies lead to big lies.

And big lies get punished.

That's the Devil ringing that bell.

Are you gonna answer?

Hey, don't think you can scare the boy who died

and went to heaven.

Get the door.

Hey, cut it out.

Oh, no, it's stuck.

Hello, Bart.

We are Christian movie producers.

So, you give all your profits back to the church?

You... Could you...

Could you get your dad?

Homer, we're the best in the business.

Our films average 98% on Rotten Communion Wafers.

Now, we'd like to tell your son's story.

You want to make a movie out of what happened to Bart?

Well, absolutely.

Unless it's not true.

Okay, I could admit the boy totally lied

or I could make a movie inspired by true events.

Brother Homer, why do you hesitate?

I hesitate because I am stunned

that you doubt the Word of God!

Then we have a deal.

Not so fast.

Like most of America, I think I know the movie business.

Please. What would you like?

I want input on the script.