How To Steal A Wife (Kaip pavogti žmoną)

Coffee?

Mhm...

How about “Good morning“?

Good morning.

Yesterday was great.

Fun.

Wasn’t it? Ramutis, come on, talk to me.

So.

So... talk.

So I'm talking.

Well good, let's talk about what happened last night. Why couldn't you sleep?

I saw you tossing and turning...

Everything's fine.

No it's not, Ramutis, I saw you.

Everything's fine.

Come on, I want to know whats bothering you.

Well come on, 49 LTL for a steak.

You think that's normal?

49 LTL for a chunk of meat, I don't know, you can buy a whole pig for that amount.

Ramutis... it's just once a year.

We celebrated our anniversary, went to a restaurant, and now you're upset about how much it cost.

Come on... And that steak was delicious.

And you were so funny when you danced...

I had a great time yesterday.

'Valdas Bičkus released from jail“?

Wait a minute...

“Investigators are still looking for the missing 300 mill...“

Right, right.

“In his suicide note he claims that he deeply regrets

placing all the blame on the head of the financial department, Valdas Bičkus.

Documents proving this were left with the letter.“

Right... What, he's innocent?

'When things got hard, his wife left him after...“

“...soon after, she married Ramutis Taraila, a physical education teacher from the same school.“

Breaking news from Lithuania.

An unexpected turn in the big international export bank affair.

New circumstances have emerged and former head

of the bank's investment department Valdas Bičkus has been released from prison.

Bičkus had been sentenced to six years of imprisonment

when it was discovered that over 300 million litas had disappeared from the bank.

In light of recent events, the general prosecutor now says

that new physical evidence proves without a doubt that Valdas Bičkus is innocent.

- Excuse me, would you mind answering a few questions...

Are you going to go back to your wife?

Are you going to return to your family...?

Bičkus was the only person charged in the bank case.

Under the new circumstances, the prosecution admits that the investigation

will have to be reopened in order to give the public an answer to the question

of where the more than 300 million litas that disappeared is now.

We continue with news from Lithuania. The economy.

With the Christmas shopping boom approaching,

the question remains of how much Lithuanians will be spending on gifts this year.

A trend has been observed for several years now to allot...

Hi.

Hi.

So, how many?

7 articles.

Am I mentioned?

Yes.

As school principal Ramutis Taraila or as your husband?

My husband.

Are there any comments?

Of course there are.

Are they good?

Ramutis, when are comments ever good?

You're a mess...

Go ahead, read them.

Are you sure?

Alright...so.

We traitor, betrayed her innocent husband.

Betrayed her husband at the very first chance. Bitch.

Lover of the good life. Right from a banker to a principal.

Oh, this is definitely Vaicekauskienè, she's on sick leave. Well, I'll show her.

Right... The principal is a dickhead.

Go on.

Vile traitor. Old bag. Nice, nice, nice - people just write that stuff because they're jealous.

Go on, read the normal ones.

Disgusting broad, what do men see in her.

I don't know, I can't find any. When are they going to release him anyway?

Hes already been released.

Already?

I already told you that, Ramutis.

Are you scared?

Why should I be scared? I'm not the one who stole his wife.

Well, hello, so I stole you... You stole yourself.

What is he going to do to me?

What is he going to do to you? He spent 3 years in prison.

Whith all kinds of killers and perverts, rapists.

What is he going to do to him. I don't know, kill you.

Come on...

So they set him free?

Ramutis, I already told you that they released him.

Set him unfree...

Where are you going?

I... have to.

What do you have to?

Well, I have to go to see...

See who?

See... see a friend, to ask for some advice.

What friend?

Well...

Well, look, if he comes here, tell him I'm away somewhere,

at a sports event, the Olymp... well I don't know, in London or something...

Hold on, hold on, Ramutis. What, you're planning on leaving me all alone here?

Well what's the big deal, he won't do anything to you...

Ramutis Taraila, if you go through that door, you're never coming back, got that?

Hey.

Hi.

Oh, my slippers.

Your wife... my wife... Laimutè gave them to me.

That's OK.

May I?

Thanks.

So hi.

Hi.

How are you?

Fine now. How about you?

Fine.

You look good.

Thanks.

You do too.

So did you just come to visit?

No. Who comes home to visit...

Wait...

That's it. They let me go.

So...

I'm free, innocent.

Yeah. I know...

Sol came home.

We - I mean, if you figured it out - Ramutis and I live here now.

I married Ramutis.

I know, I read about it. Ramutis.

Valdas. Congratulations.

Thanks.

So you're here to pick something up?

Well actually, no. I don't need anything.

But still, you want something.

Tea?

We have green, black and Indian.

What's Indian?

Green.

What's the difference?

There is none.

Well then give me the Indian. Yeah.

Whith sugar?

3. Right?

Yeah. Well...

So as you know, I'm now... I'm married to Ramutis, you see?

I know.

And now the two of us live here.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Together.

Well yeah, it would be strange if you lived apart.

So... I don't get it, you understand that you cant stay here?

So where am I supposed to live?

Well, I mean, how do I know.

No, I mean, that's it, they let me go, I... I came home. I mean... this is my home...

Well yeah, yours, but what does that mean.

OK, fine, half mine.

So half yours. But still, Valdas, well you cant live here, do you understand that?

I can live in my half.

Ramutis and I live here. Do you understand that, Valdas?

So live in your half.

Come on, you're being ridiculous, I mean... I don't get it...

Well good, so you can't stay here, that's crazy.

So you live in your half and I'll live in mine.

Well, fine, but... Here you go.

What? Thanks.

Where are you going to sleep?

Well... here, on the couch. I'll stretch out and that's it.

Oh, this couch is really uncomfortable.

Can I ask the PE teacher a question?

I'm the principal.

Then listen to me, principal. Have you ever been to prison?

What's all this now... why are you asking?

I'm asking you if you've even been in prison.

No.

Well I have.

I know.

For 3 years.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

So when I was sent to prison, I was put in a cell, you know where?

The one with murderers and killers.

But not the ones who kill when they're free - the ones who kill in prison.

They're much worse.

There was one who killed someone with a toothbrush.

First he jammed the toothbrush in the guy's braces and pulled out his teeth,

and then he stabbed him in the neck.

And he killed a writer who used to write letters to his wife.

And all the other guys in the cell used to copy them because he wrote them so well.

So when he was killed, one of the guys realized that his old lady wouldn't be getting any more letters.

So he killed the guy who killed the writer.

And he got so pissed that he took a mouse

that someone else had been raising in ajar filled with little pieces of paper.

And he petted it so hard that he squeezed it to death.

And there went the mouse.

That's it.

The mouse died.

And the guy whose mouse it was says 'Where's my mouse?“