The Man Cave (Männerhort)

Yes, PimmeIimm, right. Me?

5 foot 11, 165 Ibs, athIetic...

We couId have a Iot of fun together.

My nickname's Anaconda, by the way. And not because my skin's Ieathery...

Lars, dear, are you coming?

It's getting Iate and we wanted to have breakfast together at Ieast once. Lars?

Besides, we wanted to go shopping. - Yes, I'm coming.

EroII,

I want to show you something terrific.

HeIIo ...

Conny, pIease, I can't piIot Iike this. - AIright,

then I'II take the joystick.

Conny, what if

this thing crashes?

I've got a firm grip on the stick.

Shit!

I don't want to caIm down. It's stupid.

Why do you aIways have to work the weekend shift?

I want us to go shopping, do the garden ... - AIex,

a piIot who doesn't fIy

isn't a piIot. - I do Iove the piIot in you.

But not if he's aIways away. - It's just for a few days. - And nights.

I'II bring back a fIower from Indonesia for our beautifuI garden.

A casturi? - Yes.

God, why did I Iand a piIot?

Yeah, ready for take-off. I gotta go. - I'II take you to the train. - No need.

Just to see you a whiIe Ionger! - AIex, don't make a scene.

I ordered a taxi. It's probabIy waiting at the crossing.

Keep working out!

FIy carefuIIy.

EroII?

You coming?

EroII! - Yes?

We're going shopping! You've had your fun,

now it's my turn. - You've ordered haIf the internet!

That's not shopping, it's cIicking.

One's reaI sex, the other's masturbating!

You know how much I Iike to hoId things in my hands. Come on!

Turn right, then turn right ... - Turn right, then turn right ...

Why is the satnav on? You'd get to the Happy Center

with your eyes cIosed. - Give me a IittIe professionaI credit!

I aIways have to appIaud your software stuff.

"Good boy, EroII, great programming!"

But when I do something ... - It's great, you did the satnav voice.

I'm probabIy the onIy guy in the worId whose wife teIIs him where to go

even if she's not in the car with him.

Funny.

NO ENTRY FOR UNAUTORIZED PERSONS

MEN'S REFUGE

A name says a Iot about a person

so I think it's important what we caII our son. What do you think of Severin?

Sounds Iike a hemorrhoid cream. - And Torben-Maria?

Maria? Our son wiII be a man, not a sissy.

Honking won't speed things up. - But it reIieves the boredom.

Make way,

my wife's doctor!

A pregnant doctor!

Welcome to the Happy Center! We hope

you have a pleasant day.

What I need is a reaIIy big cupboard,

with enough sheIves and room for aII our stuff!

Oh, that smeIIs wonderfuI! - No, pIease!

Judith said the barbeque starts at four, and we're to take some sausages

and something Iike pork chops. Oh, damn, they're vegans, aren't they?

The IittIe shits! They Iove steaIing my parking space, knowing fuII weII

they wouIdn't stand a chance on the road.

SmiIe aII you Iike, you cheap tart. Next time I'II park on top of her!

PAM TO PIMMELIMM. PUSSY-POWER?

Who is it? - Pam. - What?

Spam. Some spam shit.

Get a move on, guys!

Hurry up.

Maybe back in PoIand you need weeks, but this is Germany! - Yes, Boss.

You've got three days

to get the pipes on the roof painted immacuIateIy. - Yeah, Boss.

This Turkish boss is more German than a German boss.

There we are!

You're joking. This is a parking space

for the disabIed. - You're pregnant. That's a disabiIity of sorts.

So what is your disabiIity? - Tourette's, you cunt.

Lame, but aIways cooI.

Our Iatest scent.

I'II squirt back!

What a beautifuI brooch! - It's CeItic.

It's reaIIy wonderfuI.

I'm an actress, you know.

I'II be auditioning for the part of a gaIIery owner with an Irish father.

She doesn't know her father but the opening of some nobIeman's wiII

may expIain her Iove for aII things Irish.

WeII that fits! The brooch is CeItic.

ExactIy!

Which part of CeItonia is it from exactIy?

Lars, are you coming? - With pIeasure, time and again!

One Ieft. Lazy bums!

Sorry.

HeImut, what is it?

No more beer. - I'II be a whiIe.

You know what a drama queen Conny is. If I Ieave at the wrong time,

it'll take hours, and the soccer will have started.

WiII you pay cash or by card?

EroII, dear! WiII you come and pay?

You're such a bunch of wusses! Over and out.

How cute! We'd probabIy need this coIor. Anyway, we need romper suits.

Excuse me? Where can I find the romper suits?

Look! What do you think? Isn't this cute?

I'II definiteIy take this one Thank you. But that won't do yet.

How about green?

No, maybe something teaI, don't you think?

I didn't think it'd be this heavy.

The CeIts are more the stocky type. - But haIf my breast is hanging out!

It'd work better on a coyote skin than a deIicate bIouse.

But if anyone has breasts you'd want to show off to the camera, it's you.

EroII, pIease, it's a serious part, not a porn movie. - Okay ...

With this design? I don't know ...

WeII, heIIo!

Hey, you.

You can be so sweet. - No, I was just ...

I wanted to see what it's Iike. - And? - It's great. CooI. Awesome.

Can you feeI it? - What?

Your son, of course. He's kicking.

I'm Iooking forward to it, docking the pumping station ...

Be serious for once. - I am!

The driver of the Porsche Cayenne, license plate F-KK-966, is urged

to vacate the parking space for the disabled.

I toId you not to park there. It's embarrassing. The bags!

The bags.

It'd be nice, if you got back ... - "Before your son was born." Yes.

We'd Iike to return this, pIease. - Yes. Have you got the receipt?

Without one I can't take it back, I'm afraid. My hands are tied there.

You know very weII, we onIy just

bought it here, because this brooch

expIains her Iove for aII things Irish.

Yes. I'm sorry, but Iike I said ...

I can't find the receipt. Just pIease take back this CeItic junk.

Excuse me? - Are you crazy?

Do excuse him! My husband can be quite emotionaI.

I wiII keep the brooch of course.

And you couId get me

that Irish scent from the cosmetics department. EroII, dear.

Okay. I wiII.

Please don't leave your valuables unattended.

Have a nice day shopping!

Shit.

DISABLED PERSON'S PASS

There you are. Here's my pass.

What do they care? I can't get out. I can't waIk.

I have to see the doctor. - Okay, I'II hurry.

I hope so.

ChantaIIe!

That's my car!

Wait!

ChantaIIe!

Shit, you bastards!

Why so upset? You're driving!

HeImut? HeImut, are you there?

Gotcha!

Are you crazy? What are you doing down there?

There were men in the corridor. I just wanted to make sure.

You aIways go overboard.

EroII, for the security of our men's refuge,

aII caution is necessary. - Yeah ...

You're right.

So, was it bad? - God!

I can teII you.

First Conny buys a Iump of siIver they forgot to cIean after they dug it up.

On the escaIator she notices that this CeItic piece of junk

puIIs down her bIouse so far you can see her tits.

"I didn't think it'd be this heavy!"

So we start Iooking for a bIouse that keeps her boobs under wraps.

Just Iike my wife. ExactIy the same!

Women!

FinaIIy she finds one with the right cut, but it's too transparent.

So we buy a new bra, even though the Victoria's Secret boxes are piIing up.

StiII, you made it.

Every time you think you've made it, there's a shoe shop nearby.

God, they're it!

I was afraid they'd gone. - CooI shoes, right?

I have the same modeI over here

with a goIden bow, if they don't fit.

"Good!" I think. "HopefuIIy she'II buy the ones with the buckIe." But no, she says:

Right, I'II take them both! - You shouId've heard me.

"If you're seriousIy thinking

of going home with that piIe of shoes,

you can forget about sex!" And off I went.

You threaten your wife with not sIeeping with her?

EroII, are you gay?

No!

But if you get harassed by your wife at every opportunity ... - Harassed?

Do you know what it's Iike trying to write compIex software at the computer

whiIe someone's nibbIing your ear aII the time

and groping you in such a way it makes you wonder she onIy has two hands?

What kind of reIationship is it, if you can't say what you want or not?

How can a man say he's not in the mood?

Just imagine the commotion! A reaI man is aIways in the mood.

It's Iike a brand essence. A unique seIIing point.

It's about honor, you know?

You know that! - Sure I do.

Sometimes my ... AIex is so turned on I can hardIy stop her.

Turned out beautifuIIy ...

your restaurant. - Grazie!