Shrek 2

Once upon a time in a kingdom Far faraway,

the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.

And throughout the land, everyone was happy

until the sun went down

and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment

that took hold each and every night.

Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother

who had them lock the young princess away in a tower,

there to await the kiss of the handsome Prince Charming.

It was he who would chance the perilous journey

through blistering cold and scorching desert

travelling for many days and nights,

risking life and limb

to reach the Dragon's Keep.

For he was the bravest

and most handsome

in all the land.

And it was destiny that his kiss

would break the dreaded curse.

He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower

to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette,

pull back the gossamer curtains to find her...

What?

- Princess Fiona? - No!

Oh, thank heavens. Where is she?

- She's on her honeymoon. - Honeymoon? With whom?

It's so good to be home!

Just you and me and...

Donkey?

Shrek! Fiona! Aren't you two a sight for sore eyes!

Give us a hug, Shrek, you old love machine.

And look at you, Mrs Shrek. How about a side of sugar for the steed?

Donkey, what are you doing here?

I was just taking care of your love nest for you.

Oh, you mean like sorting the mail and watering the plants.

- Yeah, and feeding the fish! - I don't have any fish.

You do now. I call that one Shrek and the other Fiona.

That Shrek is a rascally devil. Get your...

Will you look at the time. I guess you'd better be going.

Don't you want to tell me about your trip? Or how about a game of Parcheesi?

Actually, Donkey? Shouldn't you be getting home to Dragon?

Oh, yeah, that.

I don't know. She's been all moody and stuff lately.

So I thought I'd move back in with you guys.

Well, you know we're always happy to see you, Donkey.

But Fiona and I are married now.

We need a little time, you know, to be together.

Just with each other.

Alone.

Say no more. You don't have to worry about a thing.

I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you.

- Donkey! - Yes, roomie?

You're bothering me.

Oh, OK. All right, cool. I guess...

Me and Pinocchio was gonna try to catch a tournament, anyway,

so maybe I'll see y'all Sunday for a barbecue or something.

He'll be fine. Now, where were we?

I think I remember.

Donkey!

I know, I know! Alone! I'm going! I'm going.

But what do you want me to tell these guys?

Enough, Reggie.

"Dearest Princess Fiona:

You are hereby summoned to the Kingdom of Far Far Away

for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage,

at which time the King will bestow his royal blessing

upon you and your...

...Prince Charming.

Love, the King and Queen of Far Far Away...

...aka Mom and Dad."

Mom and Dad?

- Prince Charming? - Royal ball? Can I come?

- We're not going. - What?

I mean, don't you think they might be a bit shocked

to see you like this?

Well, they might be a bit surprised.

But they're my parents, Shrek. They love me.

And don't worry. They're gonna love you, too.

Yeah, right. Somehow I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club.

Will you stop it? They're not like that.

How do you explain Sergeant Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band?

Come on! You could at least give them a chance.

To do what? Sharpen their pitchforks?

No! They just want to give you their blessing.

Oh, great. Now I need their blessing?

If you want to be a part of this family, yes.

Who says I want to be part of this family?

You did! When you married me!

Well, there's some fine print for you!

So that's it. You won't come?

Trust me. It's a bad idea. We are not going! And that's final!

Come on, Shrek! We don't want to hit traffic!

Don't worry! We'll take care of everything.

Hey, wait for me!

All right, hit it!

- Are we there yet? - No.

- Are we there yet? - Not yet.

- OK, are we there yet? - No.

- Are we there yet? - No!

- Are we there yet? - Yes.

- Really? - No!

- Are we there yet? - No!

- Are we there yet? - No, we are not!

- Are we there yet? - No!

- Are we there yet? - Are we there yet?

- Hey, that's not funny. - That's not funny.

- That's really immature. - That's really immature.

- This is why nobody likes ogres. - ...why no one likes ogres.

- All right! Your loss! - ...your loss.

- I'm gonna just stop talking. - Finally!

This is taking forever, Shrek. There's no in-flight movie or nothing!

The Kingdom of Far Far Away, Donkey.

That's where we're going. Far, far...

...away!

All right, all right, I get it. I'm just so darn bored.

Well, find a way to entertain yourself.

For five minutes...

Could you not be yourself for five minutes!

Are we there yet?

- Yes! - Oh, finally!

It's going to be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on.

Hey, good looking! We'll be back to pick you up later!

Pantyhose!

We are definitely not in the swamp anymore.

Hey, everyone, look!

Hey, ladies! Nice day for a parade! Yeah! You working that hat.

Swimming pools! Movie stars!

Announcing the long-awaited return

of the beautiful Princess Fiona and her new husband.

Well, this is it.

- This is it. - This is it.

This is it.

Why don't you guys go ahead? I'll park the car.

So, you still think this is a good idea?

Of course! Look! Mom and Dad look happy to see us.

- Who on earth are they? - I think that's our little girl.

That's not little! That's a really big problem.

Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell?

Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look...

Happy now? We came. We saw them.

Now let's go before they light the torches.

- They're my parents. - Hello? They locked you in a tower.

Hey! That was for my own...

Good! Here's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home.

Harold! We have to be...

Quick! While they're not looking we can make a run for it.

Shrek, stop it! Everything's gonna be...

A disaster! There is no way...

- You can do this. - But I really...

- Really... - Really!

...don't... want... to... be...

...here!

Mom...

Dad...

I'd like you to meet my husband...

...Shrek.

Well...

It's easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from.

Excuse me.

Better out than in, I always say, eh, Fiona?

That's good.

I guess not.

What do you mean, "not on the list?" Don't tell me you don't know who I am.

Hey! What's happening, everybody? Thanks for waiting.

I had the hardest time finding this place.

No! No! Bad donkey! Bad! Down!

No, Dad! It's all right. It's all right. He's with us.

- He helped rescue me from the dragon. - Yep, that's me: the noble steed.

Hey, waiter! How about a bowl for the steed?

Oh, boy.

- Shrek! - Yeah?

Oh, sorry! Great soup, Mrs Q.

No, no. Darling.

So, Fiona, tell us about where you live.

Well...

Shrek owns his own land.

- Don't you, honey? - Oh, yes!

It's in an enchanted forest...

...abundant in squirrels

and cute little duckies and...

What? I know you ain't talking about the swamp.

- Donkey! - An ogre from a swamp. How original.

Well, I suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children.

It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it?

- Indeed. I just started eating. - Harold!

- What's that supposed to mean? - Dad. It's great, OK?

- For his type, yes. - My type?

I got to go to the bathroom.

- Dinner is served! - Never mind. I can hold it.

Mexican food! My favourite.

Well, let's not just sit here with our tummies rumbling. Everybody dig in.

Don't mind if I do, Lillian.

So, I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be...

Ogres, yes!

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?

Oh, no! No! Of course, not!

That is, assuming you don't eat your own young!

- Dad! - Oh, no.

We usually prefer the ones who've been locked away in a tower!

- Shrek, please! - I only did that because I loved her.