Four Against the Bank (Vier gegen die Bank)

FOUR FACING THE BANK

Show me the money!

Come on, that's bullshit!

Take five! What's wrong?

The take was perfect. - "Show me the money"?

You stole that from Jerry Maguire! - I was two when it came out.

Okay.

Then say, "Show me the... cash." Better?

That sucks even more!

That sucks even more than this shitty movie, and this shitty set!

I know... I know you had a role in some TV series...

Wait a second, I starred in the biggest German TV series of all time!

Got it? - And now you do student shorts

for 100 euros a day.

But you said 200!

That was before I knew you were a little diva.

You filthy little...

PETER THE ACTOR

Chris! Chris! Chris!

CHRIS THE BOXER

I'm responsible for this agency's top ten kick-ass ad campaigns!

That's the way it is. Remember the Volkswagen campaign?

That was me! The Bitburger World Cup spot? Me!

But when it's time to choose a creative director,

a job I've worked nine years for, what do you do?

You give it to Gustav!

I'm so sick of this agency! None of you

ever appreciated my creative vision. Not one of you.

That's why

I'm going to say something to my bosses from the bottom of my heart:

Fuck you. Fuck you all!

While you wasted your money on whores and fast cars...

I'm talking to you, Alex. I was saving my money.

Because I knew that someday you'd stab me in the back.

And now I'll take my money and open my own agency.

Then I'm going to crush you. I'm going to pound you into the ground!

You're all dead!

Okay, that's enough.

Security!

Seriously?

I've had 12 years of Karate lessons.

MAX THE AD MAN

Would you like to open an investment account?

No thanks.

Are you sure?

Sometimes "no" can also mean "yes," or "yes, maybe."

Even though, in most cases, "no" does mean "no."

Unless of course we were playing some sort of exciting role game,

and we were tied to refrigerators, for instance.

We'd have safe words so we'd know that "no" means "yes."

Or that "chocolate pudding" means "no,"

and "pickles" means "yes." Do you want an account now?

No.

Pardon me, would you like to open an investment account?

If you say "pickles" I'll staple your ears to your balls!

Perverted asshole!

TOBIAS INVESTMENT ADVISOR

Chris!

The kick has to come right from the hip.

That's right, from the hip. - Hey, Chris. Over here.

I'll be right there, ladies. I'll be right there.

Great job, girls!

On Thursday, I'll be even harder on you. - The harder, the better.

How long are you going to play this game? - Game?

Yeah, putting your hands on their hips, their butts, their breasts...

Hey, I don't touch breasts. At least not at work.

Come on, Chris. You can't go on like this.

This is nothing. It's just a scratch.

That's not what the doctor said.

You can't renew your fighting license. And your retina is in terrible condition.

A boxer can knock me out, but not some stupid retina.

I don't need a retina. I've still got eagle eyes.

That's disinfectant. - I saw that.

I've still got women's boxing. - Yeah,

until your six-pack turns into a beer keg and your joints give out.

Do you think women are still going to pay you to rook their hips?

I may be a little blind,

but I'm not dumb. Let me show you something.

I hear you scared away another customer. - I didn't scare her away,

I just don't like to con people out of their money. It's immoral.

That's the business. - Yes, according to Schumacher.

The guy's a slimebucket. - A slimebucket?

He treats our customers like crap, cheats on his wife,

and promotes his employees based on breast size, not qualifications.

Thanks, Tobias. - Sorry. You deserved your breasts...

I mean, your promotion.

Wanna grab a coffee sometime?

Where you're standing will be the boxing ring.

The heart of it all.

The punching bags will go back there, and the speed bags, you know?

And the lockers will go over there, like in Mickey's Gym.

Mickey's Gym? - From Rocky, with Sylvester Stallone.

The mats go over there, with weights and a place to jump rope.

How can you afford all this? - I've saved money all my life.

I invested my money really well, and tomorrow

it's finally going to pay off. I'll sign the contract,

and live my dream.

You dreamer.

What are you going to put down there? - Oh, that'll be a sauna.

A sauna? - Yeah. I'll show you.

I have to think of my female clients too, after all.

Can't you think of me for a second? - Yes, of course.

Can you spit that out, please? - Oh yeah.

I'll chew it later. - Chris?

Can we skip foreplay today? - Okay.

I have to get home. It's my husband's birthday.

Why is this door closed? - Because of... flies.

Flies? - Yes.

Tiny little flies flying in and out, the little rascals.

Tobias? Do you know how many banks I supervise?

Nine. Nine banks.

I've got investment advisors shitting heaps of money in eight of those banks.

But in the ninth bank, the investment advisor is a real loser.

I mean an all-round loser.

Yeah, the guy doesn't even have friends.

And between us, I think he's still a virgin.

Oh, God! He sounds like a real zero.

Tobias?

I'm talking about you.

I've had lots of sex.

Heaps of sex.

Well, I mean not so much...

but I've got this problem...

with nudity. I don't like being naked.

But I've set my sights on somebody, and...

I just don't want to rush her...

My father probably hired you

because he thought you were a wiz with numbers,

but you're only an expert in one number: zero.

At least I always break even. I'm cautious with my client's accounts...

I've got it! Why don't you become a math teacher?

Tons of vacation, no stress.

I'm not resigning, and you can't fire me for no reason. It's in my contract.

Mr Schumacher, I didn't get the market report for today.

If there are any big changes in the market,

I need to know that for my clients.

Call the head office. It's probably a glitch.

I already called four times. They won't return my calls.

They disrespected me. What do you expect?

I expect you to apologize.

Get on your knees and beg for your job! - Forget it. No way.

Your temper gets the best of you. - Don't forget,

I had to pull a lot of strings to get you a job in that agency.

And I've worked my ass off for them for nine years!

They're nothing without me! - No, you're nothing without them!

I'm not helping you again. - I don't need your help.

I've saved up some money:100,000 euros.

I'm going to use it to open my own agency.

"Chris's Boxing Joint." Man, that sounds fancy!

Are you trying to get killed? - I can see the headline:

"Wife Runs Down Jogging Movie Star

and Still Manages... to Get the Girls to School on Time."

Hi, cuties. - Hi, Papa.

I left you some scrambled eggs. - Okay, bye!

Remember to pay the heating bill. - Pay the heating bill, got it.

BAERENBANK AG

ACCOUNT NUMBER

So...

Time to put the cash

in my pocket.

Here's proof, if you don't believe me.

Take a look. - 272 euros?

Mom, that's 6,800 shares of... - Rotary Global? -Yup.

Whatever it is, at four cents a share

that makes 272 euros. - Are you fucking kidding me?

Tobias Bluemel! - Bluemel!

Calm down, gentlemen.

I want to talk to my investment advisor! - We want to talk to Bluemel!

He's a fraud! - Bluemel! Show yourself, coward!

I don't know what... - Oh, these things happen.

Too bad the board doesn't like it

when one of our employees gambles away the life savings of his clients.

I didn't gamble anything, I just didn't get the emails.

Oh right, the glitch.

No, look at this. There's nothing there.

See? Nothing.

The market reports! Suddenly they're all there!

Oh man. It breaks my heart, Tobias,

but I have to ask for your immediate resignation.

You did this. You did this.

That's despicable! You're scum!

You're a monster! Those men trusted me, they trusted us!

They trusted us with their savings! And you just let...

let, let, let them lose it!

Wow, I'm impressed, Tobias!

You've got talent!

I don't mean to be fussy,

but Heidi's nipples are oval,

and she trims her bush into a landing strip.

Like this. Yeah.

She's an incredible girl. I think she'll look good in your office.

I want you out of here in an hour, got it?

And Tobias,

leave us a few drawings.

Assholes! - Get out of here! -Bastard!

Or we'll call the cops! - You're bastards! Fucking bastards!

Get lost! - Fuckers!

Let's get a drink.

The bank always wins. - I could've bought a kick-ass car,

kick-ass clothes, a kick-ass new retina. - I'll never apologize. Never!