Faking It

Previously on Faking It...

We are nothing alike.

Arrogant, self-centered, controlling.

- Face it: we're not good people. - Hey.

I don't want to break up Hester's cutest couple.

We could have a threesome.

This might as well be

a big, bi-curious bat signal in the sky.

If Karma expects me to leave,

then I have to get her to want me to stay.

- Whoa. - I know.

I can't do this.

So I'm trying this new thing

where I only wash my hair twice a week.

What do you think... too flat, or is it kind of chic?

I hear that shampoo strips the essential oils.

We're not gonna talk about the threesome?

The one you ran out of

like you were robbing a convenience store?

You know how people in movies wind up in strange towns

and forget their names and how they got there?

That's me.

Total amnesia about the whole thing.

Tell me what happened. Why did you leave?

Was it our kiss?

No! No.

I just realized that things got totally out of control.

I made you dress up like Dita Von Teese

and kiss a boy you don't even like.

You don't like him, right?

Karma, you can't be serious.

See, this lie has turned me into your pimp,

which is why we have to break up.

What? Now?

It was a stupid idea that got way out of hand.

I mean, you agree, enough is enough, right?

But you said we were waiting

until our status at school was cemented.

Well, if the price of that is whoring out my best friend,

then I don't want it.

But it's crucial that we handle this right.

Our lesbian lie worked so well,

the school thinks we're the cutest couple

since Zooey Deschanel got that new puppy.

I'm guessing you have a plan.

Neither of us want to look like the bad guy, right?

We're celebs at school,

so we'll act like celebrity couples

who have gracefully split in the public eye.

Finally, my subscription to Us Weekly is paying off.

Step one: skip each other's premieres.

To hint at a growing distance between us.

Step two: dive into work.

Step three: issue a joint press release

saying, "We've decided to go our separate ways,

but we'll always be best friends"?

Just like we were right before all this craziness happened.

Here's the list of handy responses

in case people ask where I am.

Why would people ask me that?

Because we're spending today apart.

But...

She felt something when you kissed,

and now she's pushing you away.

You think?

I mean, it was really hot.

I'm surprised that cheap motel didn't burst into flames.

Oh, I love lesbian porn. It's so elegant.

Continue. What happened next?

Once we came up for air,

we looked into each other's eyes, and we saw each other.

I mean, we really saw each other.

Maybe for the first time.

So after that hot kiss and all the seeing,

then what?

And then Liam kissed me, and Karma ran out,

and now she doesn't want to talk about it.

Screech of tires. You kissed Liam?

Shh!

How was it?

It was like... you know when you're outside

on a sunny spring day, and you see a butterfly,

and you go "Ah," and then the world stops for a second,

and then it's gone?

It was like that.

- Wow. - Wow? No, not wow.

Not wow?

No. Wow was kissing Karma.

If Liam was spotting a butterfly,

Karma was spotting a soaring eagle,

and, oh, my God, I was with her,

and it was magical, and I wish it could last forever.

Honey, I don't want to shoot you out of the sky,

but your eagle soared away right after you kissed Liam.

Yeah, so?

So she sounds jealous.

Karma is in denial,

like I was after our homecoming kiss.

I just need to keep us from breaking up

until she has time to accept her feelings for me.

I hope you're right.

I hate keeping secrets from Liam.

And I really want you to be

with the love of your life and stuff.

You're not gonna break your gay scout's honor, are you?

They would strip me of my badge in leatherwork.

Both: Hi, Irma.

Amy, I see you're solo today.

Where's your other half?

I saved you two the last slice of cherry pie.

She's taking time to focus on her studies.

Good for her. Smart girl.

Did y'all hear?

Karma and Amy are breaking up.

Aw, poor Amy.

What, is my fly open?

Hang in there.

Give me an interview for the school's Tumblr.

This story is huge,

and my readers are hungry for facts.

How did you hear we're breaking up?

The whole school knows.

The whole school?

Please respect our privacy at this difficult time.

Liam.

I'm guessing you heard.

About your breakup?

What happened to the old days

when news was delivered by horseback

or phones with cords?

Is this because I kissed Amy at the threesome?

It's pretty uncool to invite a guy into something like that

and then get upset when he participates.

That's not what this is about.

Look, I don't know what your plan is,

but you shouldn't have dragged me into it.

No, Liam, look.

When I saw you two...

You know...

I realized this is insane.

Everything got totally out of control,

and I forced you to make out with a girl you don't even like.

Are you serious?

I'm so over all this drama.

I told you up front,

I didn't want to break up Hester's cutest couple!

- You didn't. - Then what did?

We're breaking up because I don't wanna have kids?

What? It's true. We need a reason.

And since neither of us can be the bad guy,

we pull a Brad and Jen.

We say that I wanna have kids and you don't.

You're demented.

We're teenagers... we don't care about having kids

until we accidentally get pregnant.

- And why are we here? -

It stinks.

The kids thing speaks to our future as a couple.

We obviously want different things,

so we're moving on, but we'll always be best friends.

Brad and Jen don't seem like best friends.

We don't know.

Maybe they order pizza and watch The Bachelor

while Angelina's at refugee camps.

Do you hear yourself?

This is too much.

I say we just slow the whole thing down...

It's too late.

All we can do now is control the message.

Okay, so maybe not the kids thing.

I wanna go to a big state university,

and you wanna go to some artsy-fartsy college.

We need to be ahead of the gossip.

Vashti Nadira requested a sit-down today,

and I said yes.

But... No, we are not discussing our relationship

with the school's Tumblr.

Don't I get a say in this?

I'm the planner.

And what does that make me?

The executor.

Sounds badass.

I'll see you after school.

Lisbeth, you look like a horse eating a carrot.

Never bite string cheese.

Like this.

- -

I have never missed my friends from Dallas

more than in this moment.

- There she is. - Hey, Karma.

- Why'd you guys break up? - Tell us.

It's so sad they're breaking up.

They got me through my dog dying.

Ugh, there must be something else this school can fixate on!

Electronic smog, GMOs.

I'm sure there's a polar bear stranded

on an iceberg somewhere.

What you guys talking about?

How all this pathetic school can talk about

is Karma and Amy's breakup.