New Girl

Reagan is moving in today and I don't want her thinking

that we're making a big fuss about it.

Hey, Schmidty, what are you doing, bud?

I'm opening up a subtle Montepulciano.

It's a welcoming wine.

Put out nothing! Be cool.

Winston,

when she gets here, act casually.

Pretend like you didn't even know she was coming.

As I live and breathe,

Raisin?!

Aw, did I say Raisin? Yeah.

Too weird. Go practice in your room.

I'm very mad at you. Go. What is happening?

Hi. It needs to look messier.

It needs to look messy.

You are having a straight up anxiety attack right now.

Nick, Nick, calm down.

You guys lived together in New Orleans.

If the old girl didn't like the dinner,

she wouldn't come back for seconds.

New Orleans was temporary. Okay?

Reagan has never stayed in one place too long.

If she thinks we're making a big deal,

she's gonna feel smothered.

Okay? So you've got to do the opposite.

It's not a big deal.

That's why I didn't pick her up from the airport.

You didn't pick her up from the airport?

Didn't this woman change

her whole job

so she can move here to be with you?

She is gonna be pissed.

Uh, no.

No.

Yes, she is.

No, you're wrong. She's gonna be relieved.

Pissed.

No, she isn't. You're wrong.

No. Reagan hates,

hates this kind of stuff.

In New Orleans,

once while she was sleeping,

I tried to cover her with a blanket to be sweet

and she basically choked me out.

I understand that.

What's in the bag, Jess?

These are old lady caramels,

just a little thing that Reagan and I have.

You and Reagan have things?

I didn't even know you guys were in touch.

Yeah, we text. You know.

We also send each other pictures

of bears wearing backpacks and other humorous exchanges.

What?

How about we all relax with a nice cheese plate?

Look at that halloumi.

Love halloumi. No, no, no, no no, no, no. What?

Too late. You're banned. Go to Winston's room

right now.

Reagan! Hi.

Hey. Oh, Reagan, it's good to see you.

You made it.

Hey.

Uh, two duffel bags, that's all?

Yeah, well, I travel light, which is lucky for me

because the only way I could get here from the airport

was to split a cab with a lady

who was eating a sub from the middle.

Ha-ha!

Caramel?

Well, I can't eat these yet 'cause I don't have my teeth in.

It reminds me

of a cardboard tea set

I had during the war.

What am I looking at? We had to save

all the metal for the boys.

Well, look who it is.

Raisin.

I said Raisin again, didn't I?

Hey, Jess. How are you doing with everything?

You know, Nick, Reagan, living across the hall.

Totally fine. I didn't hear a thing.

I took every precaution.

Oh, Reagan.

Okay, now.

That was a good call. They sounded like two Germans

having a sponge fight. Aah, aah...

That's how I was. It was disgusting.

Gross. How are you doing otherwise?

I mean, sure, my feelings for Nick are complicated,

but I have a boyfriend.

He has a girlfriend,

who I have mad inside jokes with.

Everything's gonna be fine

as long as I stay out of their stuff.

Hmm.

It's a little weird

he didn't pick her up from the airport,

though, right?

That's an example of the stuff that I'd like to stay out of.

Hmm.

Oh. You've been practicing.

Ow.

St... Yes.

Hello, normals.

Hey. I just got back

from the chair district

where I found the perfect

sitting piece for our home.

It's an original Haberman.

Hmm.

It's a Haberman.

It's a Haberman. It's not helping

you to repeat it over and over again.

A print ad for it features a quote from David Strathairn.

Str...

What do you got to say now?

Ugh.

Well, there goes the jukebox.

It's been on the fritz for weeks.

I know. Whoa.

Hold on, now.

It might have some life left in it,

thanks to Dr. The Fonz.

Heyyy...

Check me out.

What the hell? Winston!

Ooh!

That's the least Fonzie move ever.

It was borderline Chachi.

I just wanted to be...

Art Fonzarelli for a day.

Ugh. You know? Black dude

playing a Jewish dude, playing an Italian dude

and the world goes 'round.

I think I have some speakers behind the bar.

I'll just hook up my phone.

Wait, wait, wait.

Time out, time out, time out.

I know I just did something really stupid,

but why do you automatically

get to be in charge of the music?

'Cause I have the best taste.

Oh, no, no, babe.

All you like is electronica.

It's EDM, electronic dance music...

Yeah, here we go. or what I like to refer to it as,

as just "M", because it's the only music. Music.

Yeah, listen, Schmidt, it's trash.

Need I remind you that you started a petition to get

Enya to play at the Super Bowl halftime show?

You're misrepresenting my petition.

Okay? I wanted her to play on the field

during the fourth quarter.

Schmidt, I bet

I could make a fake EDM song

and you couldn't tell it apart from a real one.

'Cause they all sound like a robot having a seizure.

Noice.

Not loving this dynamic.

We don't care.

We'll test it out.

Cece and I will make a song.

Ooh. And if we fool you,

we're in charge of the music in the bar,

All Enya, all up in ya.

I'm in. Great.

Have fun looking like idiots, you morons.

I don't really have any place to go.

I mean, I came here to hang out with you guys, so...

Hey, you two lovebirds.

It's your first day of living together.

So, what are you doing tonight?

I can't do anything tonight.

I picked up an extra shift at the bar.

No big deal, right?

Yeah.

It's totally fine.

Everything's totally fine

and we are good.

Okay, well how about you? You want to go out

and maybe have like a little ladies' night?

I just feel like getting really dumb.

Yeah. Dude, I'm the dumbest.

It's a date.

I am gonna take a seven-minute power nap

and then go for a run to preempt

all of this damage we're gonna do.

I love it, I love it, I love it.

Sounds good.

How'd I do?

I'm sorry. What?

With the whole I got to go to work and cover some shifts.

I don't have to go to work.

I don't have work tonight.

I'm actually gonna go

to a bowling alley and, uh,

get some beers and watch people bowl.

You lied to Reagan, so you can watch strangers bowl?