New Girl

Who is ready to strip?

You see you mean strip wallpaper at your new house,

but me, myself, I always err on the side of sexy.

Okay.

You were up there a long time, man.

Yeah, I was running out of imaginary dollar bills.

Right, so we are off to buy drinking water.

Yes, the water at Jaipur Aviv tastes like it's been fracked.

See you guys there.

Jaipur Aviv? Yeah, Schmidt named their house Jaipur Aviv

to celebrate the union of India and Israel

that their marriage represents.

So this is the future,

the three of us.

Do we need a name? The winners.

Winston and the Cuties. Eh, I don't think we need a name.

But we do need a fourth roommate, because I think...

Oh, my God!

This loft is enormous. Thank you, Winston.

I was going there, but it was gonna be a long walk.

This place is way too big for three people.

What about your dream of having an in-loft

multipurpose room? Multipurpose rooms

can't pay rent.

That's the only purpose they don't serve.

So let's get a roommate. Well,

Cece and Schmidt'll be here another six months,

so we have time to find someone we like.

Someone... who's a girl.

A girl, hmm.

Winston, thoughts?

Hmm? I'm in.

I'm sorry. I was just distracted by how big this loft is.

First time you ever thought about it?

I'm gonna go look for echoes.

Hello.

Hello. Oh, my God!

You guys hearing this?

You guys hearing this? Ha! Oh, my God!

Stop. He'll go all day.

Hello, wall.

Prepare to be naked.

Hey. Oh, hey.

What do you think about Reagan?

Well, she's great. A-plus posture.

I mean she's moving to L.A. next month.

What do you think about Reagan as our roommate?

'Cause she would live in my room, but she'd still pay rent.

And then you could have that multipurpose room

where you could shower and cook.

Well, I'd still use the bathroom and the kitchen

for showering and cooking, but I would use the multipurpose room

for everything else,

and I'd be living across the hall

from my ex and his new girlfriend.

Not sure why I said those two in the same tone.

You know what, forget it actually. I-I... That's on me. Wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait. I didn't think of the ex-girlfriend thing. Forget it.

She's a girl who we like,

and she's lived there before. I know.

And then that gets us out of the whole

"Here's what you need to know about Winston" conversation.

That's always a long weekend. I know.

She would overlap with Schmidt and Cece.

And six people is a violation of the loft agreement.

But loft agreements are reached to be amended.

So you're really okay with this? Yes.

I mean, that's how a normal person would say yes.

I need the trademark Jessica Day yes.

Yes! Okay, that's a little bit too much.

I think it's got to be somewhere in the middle.

Ye-Yes.

Great.

Yeah.

You know, there is something so familiar about this room.

I don't know. It's like I've been here before.

Wow...

Babe,

I know you were planning on doing

all of the heavy lifting when it comes to decorating...

Interior design.

Cece, this is a home. It's not a Christmas cookie.

So you've said. But this is our

first joint venture, and I really want to help.

The only thing better than realizing

my interior design vision will be realizing

our interior design vision.

Great. Okay, so this is what I'm seeing...

A boar's head over the fireplace

with a decorative pedestal backing.

Or... How did I know that?

This color for our bathroom.

What do you think? I love it.

You do? Because I know that our tastes haven't always jived.

You think that we're greeting people in our home

to "La Cucaracha"!

This is the paint swatch choice of a serious interior designer.

You should save that for when we renew our vows.

I love you.

Bathroom's going to look great.

Huh, that's a pretty color.

Ooh-ee, yes, it is.

For a Third World doctor's office.

I love this. What is this, yellow?

Six words you never get to hear: Nick is calling a loft meeting.

I call to order this off-site loft meeting.

Nick, you have the floor.

I propose Reagan move into the loft.

She is a...

likable girl who is not Coach.

Thank you very much for your time.

As cosponsor of this bill,

it has my full and unconditional support.

Full and unconditional support.

Today, we will vote to amend

the No More Than Five Damn People May Live

in This Loft at Any One Time Act.

Formerly the No More Than

Four Damn People May Live in This Loft at Any One Time Act.

We will be voting as is our custom

by secret ballot. The vote must be unanimous.

What'd you write?

Shh.

Okay.

Three yays, two nays?

What?

What the hell?!

Even after my speech?

I really thought this was gonna cheer me up.

Nick.

I swear I voted yay. I know.

And it means a lot to me,

because I really want her to move in.

But I don't have the votes. What can you do?

You're only short two votes.

I can get you two votes. You can do that?

Can a shark ruin a family vacation? No.

I mean if it bites someone.

Maybe, then yeah.

Maybe? It depends on the vacation, but yeah.

Can a puppy make a baby smile?

I mean, there's a lot of factors.

Just... Depends on...

Thanks for helping is what I meant to say.

So the two votes against Reagan

moving in must be Schmidt and Winston.

Thank God you had these magnets.

Yeah, well they're a backup housewarming gift

for Schmidt and Cece in case my quilt guy screws me again.

Thank God you found this mysteriously sticky wall.

Let's go get Schmidt and Winston and change their votes.

I can't believe those two.

You stay here and wait. I can't.

I'm going too crazy.

I'm coming with you. Nick,

you're way too invested. Plus, it's tacky

to whip your own votes.

We both know that never works with these guys.

Schmidt, Winston...

prepare to be buttonholed.

Did you just say "buttonholed"?

I mean whatever you got to do, Jess, but gross.

It's only one room, one flaw.

Every beautiful thing has one flaw.

Marilyn Monroe has her beauty mark.

"Thriller" has its Vincent Price poem. Babe.

Do you like this ceiling fan?

Wicker... wicker blades! They are made

from reclaimed hampers.

It's like a dirty laundry propeller above our bed.

Yes. Okay!

I love that we're on the same page.

That's right.

Two flaws. Okay. Two flaws.

No beautiful thing has two flaws, only ugly things.

It's spreading.

Thank you, Winston. Now I feel validated. No, no, no, no.

I just figured out why I know this house.

You see, it's in my favorite...

school district.

That's nice. Yeah.

Hey, Nick.

Sorry about the vote. I don't want to talk about it.

Cool. I need your help with a situation.

There is no situation you could possibly describe

compelling enough to get me to want to help you.

Schmidt and Cece's house was the location

for the 1971 pornographic film, Daddy's Longleg.

Okay, maybe there's one situation.

I'm 100% in.

That piece is exquisite. Oh!

May I see it from another angle?

He was my best friend...

until he became my enemy. The boar goes up,

and the robe comes... down.

That's porn.

You got this on a heavy rotation. Super heavy rotation.

Please don't dance while we're watching

porn videos together. Oh, sorry about that.

But I mean this is Schmidt and Cece's fireplace, right?