The Boondocks

Huey: Ever since granddad sold his soul to Eddie Wuncler,

he's spent most of his days

sitting on the couch watching TV.

What was once a productive senior citizen

was now reduced to a couch potato.

Granddad:

Well, if you got to be broke, at least there's TV to make it better.

What's on, Riley?

Riley: Man, all these channels, and there ain't nothing on.

Wait... there's "The Rickey Smiley Show."

Granddad: Nope.

Let's extrapolate that there...

Red... - Bitch!

Granddad: What's that?

Riley: "Basketball Wives."

Even though ain't none of them really wives except Malaysia.

Should just call it "Basketball Jumpoffs."

Granddad: Ooooh. Oh, man, look at them go!

All that butt and weave and sweat.

How come I've never seen this before?

Huey: Is this how you're gonna go out, granddad?

Eating junk food and watching junk TV?

Riley: Pretty much. I mean, wasn't like he was gonna be in the NBA.

So if he happy lookin' at hoes he can't bag, leave him be.

Granddad: Look at the breasts... The butts... whoo!

Granddad and Riley: Hey!

Huey: Can't you see this is what the 1% wants?

For us to become slackers that zone out on TV and eat cheap food?

Riley: What you got against cheap food?

Cheap food tastes good, and it's cheap.

Huey: Yeah, and it'll kill you.

Riley: Until they make a salad that tastes like ribs, I'ma do me.

Huey: Can't you see, granddad?

They dull our minds with poisonous food and mindless TV,

then while we're fat and sick, they're getting rich.

Riley: Who is "they"? I don't see nobody but you, nigga.

Huey: The wealthy ruling class in America.

Riley: Hey! - Huey: Who is that?

Riley: Pizza guy.

Huey: Wrong address.

Granddad and Riley:

Riley: Nigga, I'm hungry.

Granddad: Yeah! That was a "Two For Tuesday" special.

Two pizzas with cheesy crust and cheesy box for $2.

Riley: Aw, yeah! He's back!

Huey: No! - Riley: I want my cheese!

Huey: No, you need to be... playing outside.

Granddad: Huey, I don't care what you say.

I'm gonna eat my pizza

and watch my "Basketball Wives" and scratch!

Ruckus: Mm. Ah, hello, Robert.

A nice white delivery man gave me a pizza for a dollar.

Probably got scared once he learned niggas live around here

and didn't want to die senselessly.

Granddad: What do you want, Ruckus?

Nobody got time for your foolishness.

Ruckus: Mr. Wuncler the Second sent me over here.

Said he wants to see you in his office immediately.

Huey: What's Eddie want with us now? - Riley: Sucker!

Ruckus: Oh, there you niggas go with that,

"oh, what he want now? What he want now?"

Lucky the white man want to talk to you broke niggas at all.

White man brings you nothing but opportunity.

You should want to talk to him 24 hours a day.

Granddad: Well, you can go tell junior

if he wants to talk to us,

he can bring his ass over here just like you did.

Ruckus: Well, ain't that the pot calling the nigga black.

I guess you forgot Mr. Wuncler owns your asses.

Which is akin to owning the air in a balloon

'cause you niggas ain't worth shit.

Granddad: I ain't going nowhere.

Ruckus: Well, Robert, as much as it pains me to do this...

Aah! Ow! Nig... ga!

Granddad: Now, where was I?

Huey: You know, it's only a matter of time before you have to see Eddie.

Granddad: Boy, please. I'm my own man.

I don't move until I'm ready.

Thank you, fellas, for waiting till I was ready.

Riley: This is some bullshit.

How they just gonna come up into our house

and make us do what we don't want to do?

Robert Freeman.

Granddad: Eddie, what the hell do you call yourself

rushing up in my house and forcing me to come here?

I don't want y'all laying around the house

getting chunky and whatnot,

so I figured a job in the fresh air would do you gentlemen good.

Huey: You figured out another way to use us to make money.

Yep. Smart kid.

I opened a living-history theme park.

Riley: Boring.

Brings the 19th century to life.

Huey: You're forcing black people to re-enact

the most painful period in our history?

But with cotton candy and a merry-go-round!

And come on, Huey, not just black people.

I'm progressive enough to force all races to re-enact your painful history

if they owe me money.

Even Jews! Isn't it wonderful?

Yowza! Yowza!

Come one, come all! Welcome to freedomland!

Oh, mammy!

Granddad: What kind of job is this? We're dressed like slaves!

Huey: We are slaves, granddad.

Riley: This is some bullshit!

My feet hurt! One of y'all take me home right now!

Tom: I think it's great!

All this fresh air and sunshine, and who needs shoes?!

My toes like to be free.

Granddad: Why are you here anyway?

Tom: Well, I heard there were positions open in Freedomland,

and I'm sort of a history buff, if I may say so myself.

So I applied!

Riley: Who applies to be a slave?

Oh, man, my feet hurt so bad.

Tom: Oh, toughen up, Riley.

This is a great opportunity to go back to a noble time for black Americans...

when we overcame obstacles and struggled to be

the free, fully realized human beings we are.

God bless America!

Huey: Yeah. We need to burn this place down.

Ruckus: You've got that right, Tom.

God bless America.

Welcome to freedomland, you lazy bastards.

This here is your orientation.

Huey: Ruckus, are you trying to tell us

that we're supposed to act like slaves and be cool with it?

Really?

Ruckus: That is correct.

Here you will learn to look down when a rich white man is coming,

buck dance if you hear anything resembling a tune,

and denounce any feelings that resemble self-esteem and/or self-worth.

Huey: Not on your life, Ruckus.

Riley: Yeah, we ain't going for this shit.

First rich white man I see, I'm telling him to suck...

Ruckus:

Riley: I ain't saying shit.

You can call me Toby, Obama, Cleveland...

Ruckus: That's right, nigga. That is right.

Now, there will be a short boot camp to make sure

you niggas are limber and don't have a massive heart attack

which will make our rich patrons feel bad

for not voting for universal healthcare.

Granddad: Ruckus, you must be out of your damn mind! Aah!

Ruckus: Boy, the sound of that whip sure is sweet.

It's like Jesus gently snapping his fingers.

Now, Robert and Tom, you have good white-man names,

so we will leave your names be.

But you two little niggas, oh,

you have aggressive names and as such,

they will be changed!

Huey, you are now "Nigga One" or "One" for short.

Riley, your name is "Nigga Two" or "Two" for short.

Two, tote that bale of hay to my horse,

who I have affectionately named "Nigger."

Even though he is white, he has wide nostrils.

Riley: Old nigger gonna die today 'cause he ain't gettin' Jack.

Tom: Ruckus, this is inhumane!

Ruckus: Who the hell said that niggas was human in the first place?

One, get nigger some carrots!

Uh-oh. One, is you defying me, boy?

Granddad: Huey, you better listen to this fool before he hits you with that whip.

Huey: Granddad, I'm nobody's property, and neither are you.

Ruckus: Don't you remember when he signed his freedom away to Mr. Eddie?

Shoot, you niggas should be grateful you not working at sub-saharan food bank land.

Tom!

Tom: Yes, Ruckus?

Ruckus: From now on, my name is not Ruckus.

It is boss!

- Tom:

Ruckus: You tough, huh?

Well, we got ways of dealing with your type.

Huey: In modern America, who would believe

people would want to be entertained by slaves?

On your marks, get set... kick!

Huey: But we were all under Eddie's thumb.

Faced with the threat of losing everything,

people will do things they aren't proud of.

Granddad: Welcome to Freedomland!

We be a happy clan!

Singing and dancing the day away!

Ruckus: Hey, rich, mostly white chillin,

make some noise if your nanny speaks Spanish!

Oh, I can't hear you.

I hope everybody enjoyed the "Welfare Queen For A Day" exhibit.

And we got real meth-and-crack-addicted kids at the gift shop.

Use them as your servants. We don't give a .

See the concierge on your way out.

Well, old Uncle Ruckus here has a special surprise for you.

Today, we are debuting a special interactive game!

Does everybody enjoy waterboarding?

I know it's not 19th century, but it's just so much fun.

Huey: In order to keep ruckus' whip off my grandad's back,

even I was forced to cooperate.

It was a very long day.

Ruckus: Pay no attention to the balloon. It won't inflate.

That's just to give the game a sense of fun.

Now, if you will all reach under your chairs, you'll find water cannons.

Got it! - Aw, yeah!