American Reunion

ls he asleep yet?

Yeah, I'll go put him to bed.

R. Kelly always does the trick.

I think Evan may be developing a rash.

You know, when you rub the Aquaphor on his tush,

you can't just put it on his cheeks,

you have to rub it all over the anus, too.

All over the anus, got it.

I think I'm going to take a bath, okay?

Okay, babe. Go for it.

Not this time.

Okay, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Okay.

Yep.

Oh, yeah, you like it nasty, don't you?

Oh, I do. I do, I'm sorry. Guilty as charged. (CHUCKLES)

God, you're so big, it hurts.

I know, I can't help it.

Oh, yeah!

Give it to me, daddy. Oh, yeah.

Give it to me, daddy. Give it to me... Oh, yeah.

Daddy?

Evan! What the...

You're opening doors now? How did...

I saw a monster. A what?

Stick your finger in my asshole.

God.

Fuck, yeah! Fuck, yeah!

Come on, come on, come on. Fuck, yeah!

I want you to come all over my...

Oh, my God!

Evan, don't touch that!

Don't...

Daddy, boo-boo.

What the...

Oh, my God.

Okay, don't move. Stay here.

Daddy needs a Band-Aid.

Michelle?

Do you...

Mommy, Daddy, are you okay?

Jim Levenstein.

They still haven't gotten you an assistant yet, huh?

Kev, I'm sorry, I've been meaning to call you back.

I've just been... Busy?

I get it.

Look, I'll make this quick, okay?

The reunion, you in?

Hold on, is that really happening?

Yeah, man, check your Facebook.

Look, I know they missed the ten-year by a couple,

but, you know, seems like people are actually going.

Hey, hon. Hey!

Mmm. Dinner smells great.

Hey, Ellie.

Hey, Jim.

Ooh, Bachelorette finale later.

And don't forget, we still have to watch Real Housewives.

Yeah, how could I forget?

Hey, Kev, you know who my favorite housewife is?

You.

Very funny.

Look, I love my wife, but I need a weekend with the guys.

Come on, we'll go a few days early. No Stifler this time.

Just you, me, Oz and Finch.

Yeah, well, good luck with that.

I heard Finch's mom doesn't even know where he is.

And what about Oz?

I mean, do you really think he would come with all he has going on?

And we're back here on Sports View,

with my special guest, Chad Ochocinco.

Chad, which college football powerhouse

is gonna have the most players drafted in this year's draft?

I'm gonna have to go with my alma mater, the Oregon State.

Come on, man! What are you smoking, Ocho?

You think I don't know what I'm talking about?

Do me a favor, take a look at the tape.

Hey, babe, I'm home!

And that wraps it up for my special guest, Chad Ochocinco.

This is Chris Ostreicher reminding you to play on, playa!

Hey, Mia?

Oh, my gosh! So funny. (LAUGHING)

Oh, hey, baby!

Hi!

I was just watching your show a minute ago.

Oh, yeah?

ls everything okay?

You tell me. You're in the hot tub with another dude.

You are worried about Deshaun?

Aw, that is so cute!

Deshaun's the interior decorator I told you about.

Hey, Christopher!

Strip down! Come join us.

Maybe next time, Deshaun.

I still don't get why we need an interior decorator.

Because the place needs to look perfect for the lnStyle shoot.

Babe, trust me.

Remember how you didn't wanna go on Celebrity Dance Off at first?

Now think of all the fans you have.

Oh! I almost forgot, Mario Lopez is having a Memorial Day party.

I told him we're in.

Actually, I was thinking about going

to my high school reunion that weekend.

Well, if you're going, I'm going, too.

Really? Yeah.

All right.

Mia, love, phone call. It's Rumer.

Oh, shit, let me talk to her.

What's with you jacking my style, bitch?

Anything I can get for you, Christopher?

Uh...

Morning, co-workers and cock-jerkers!

Reggie, give me some love.

Looking good, Stifler.

Ladies, better be working hard,

you weren't hired for your looks.

Actually, you were.

Not you.

Seriously?

Bob, what are you doing here?

Don't you know they fired your ass?

What?

I'm just fucking with you.

Or am I?

Hey!

Coffee for the pretty lady?

Sure, thanks.

Let me know if you want some creamer with that.

Hello, you. How are you?

"Oh, I'm good, Stifmeister, 'cause you know what? 'Cause you're the best."

"Oh, I am the best." "Yes, you are the..."

"You know, I love you so much that I'm going to just have some fun down here.

"Oh, yeah, yeah..."

What the hell are you doing? Jesus Christ!

Shit, sorry, Mr. Duraiswamy. It's... I was just...

Huh? That's good, it's all clean.

I told you to print out the morning numbers and put them on my desk,

and you're making yourself at home?

No, I just thought... "I just thought..."

I don't pay you to think. You are a temp.

Yeah, about that. I feel like I'm being way underutilized here.

Oh, you do, do you?

Thank you for telling me how you feel.

Do you mind if I tell you how I feel?

I feel the sooner you realize that you're the bitch,

not the boss,

the better off you will be.

Fucker. What was that?

Nothing!

Nothing, Mr. Duraiswamy.

Fucker!

You know, we still haven't discussed the whole

bathtub incident.

Huh? Oh, that? That's...

That... Don't worry about that.

Well, I mean, you know, obviously,

I would prefer it if I was the one

that made you feel that way, but...

I know how you feel.

Every time I want to shop online and I start typing "Amazon,"

Amazing what?

Okay, look, obviously

we need to have more fun together.

I promise you, this weekend,

there is going to be plenty of Jim and Michelle time, okay?

Hey!

Hello, sweetheart.

How are you? Oh!

It's so good to see you. Hey, Dad.

Hello, son! Come here.

Hi! Hi!

Oh, no! Look who that is!

Look at this big bruiser! Oh, my goodness!

He has grown. Look at him! Huh?

Someone's got a little poopy diaper.

Jim?

I can't believe it's you.

You don't remember me, do you?

Uh... Remember Teletubby Tuesdays?

Kara?

Oh, my God.

What? You're not a kid anymore.

It's been a long time since I needed a babysitter.

I can't believe how much you've grown up.

Thanks!

It's actually my 18th birthday tomorrow.

Eighteen, wow.

You should come to my party.

Oh, uh...

Thank you, no. I... Yeah, that might be difficult.

Please, I want you to come so bad.

Hey, Kara! We gotta go.

Okay, relax.

That's AJ. Don't ask.

Hopefully I will see you tomorrow.

What? Who the fuck was that?

Hey, sweetie.

Hey.

Who were you talking to?

That was just the kid next door.