Tarzan, the Ape Man

'Ah, there you are. Ho Ho Ho, gentlemen.'

'I have such a fantastic story for you.'

'Really, sir. Robert?'

'We're discussing the wedding. A beautiful truth, not a story''

'Please, gentlemen. I must tell you this bizarre adventure.'

- 'Listen to me.' - 'Another one of your lies.'

'Edgar, Edgar let him speak.'

- 'Alright, get on with it.' - 'Thank you very much.'

'First of all, I wish the bonny prince eternal happiness''

'Hope, he doesn't spend all his money on the wedding.'

'Hope, he has enough left for the honeymoon.'

'Jolly good luck to him. Now, picture this.'

'This is part of the story.'

'This is where the story really begins.'

'West Africa, 1910.'

'Beautiful young lady, making her way--'

- 'Eh, what does she look like'' '

'Ho Ho, Ho Ho, I'll tell you.'

What does she look like?

'It's very important to me. What does she look like?'

'Of course, it's important to you. I agree with you.'

'She's so beautiful. Long, blonde hair.'

'Pale-soft skin like cream.'

' - 'Her eyes are blue.'

'Bluer than the deep lakes of Ireland.'

'I favor blue eyes.'

'They've been lucky to us, haven't they?'

'You remember what I'm talking about?'

'Oh, you rotter.'

'Good, then she's to all our tastes, eh?'

'Ah, I can see her now. Ooh, well, carry on.'

'Thank you. This Dresden figure, fragile-young thing'

'has journeyed thousands of miles.'

'Her heart set on one desire'

'to find the father she's never known.'

'Oh, really?'

'This brave girl has no way of knowing her strange destiny''

'I say.'

'Her incredibly-strange destiny.'

'Sister Teresa.'

She told me that you would take me to Parker's camp.

- No. No. - She said you would take me.

I have money.

Okay? Look.

What now?

"Deliver to Parker expedition."

Wake up, my proud beauty.

Oh.

Holt! Get up, Holt!

Holt, she's here!

'Get out of bed, Holt!'

'Come on, get up! Get out here!'

'Come on, come on, look lively''

Come on, everybody. Get up.

She's here.

'The boat is here.'

Oh, my God.

'Come on, everybody. Sleeping time is over.'

'She's here. She's here. Come on.'

Yes.

Look at her!

- Oh, my God. - 'Come on, my babies!'

'Come on, my babies.'

'Come on, my lovely, black babies.'

I've got the goddamned cannon and its..

Oh, hello. Hey.

Hello. Did you have a pleasant journey?

Where's my cannon?

Yes, where is my...cannon?

Oh, my God.

Elizabeth?

I'm Jane.

Jane.

Where's my cannon?

Riano!

'Find my cannon and bring it to me immediately.'

Stand by, Mr. Holt, with your camera, if you please.

I want this recorded.

I know who you are.

Riano, I want my cannon up there right away.

Mr. Holt.

Mr. Holt, she's here. She's here.

'Let's get a look at her and see how she works.'

'Mr. Holt.'

Hello. Hi.

Mr. Holt. Your camera, please.

That cannon is the key to the whole bloody thing.

- Go on, go on! Shoo! - Hello. Hi.

Ah-h.

I'm so sorry. Moses is the original bull in a china shop.

I'm Harry Holt. I'm with the Parker expedition.

Can I help you?

Oh, no, I'm fine. Thank you.

I've seen your photographs, Mr. Holt. You're very good.

Then, James Parker would only have the best.

He does like being photographed, doesn't he?

Well, I-I think all great men, they feel a sort of

'an-an obligation to history.'

You don't think my father just plain enjoys his own image?

Not at all. Not anymore than a..

Jane Parker.

I didn't know. He didn't say anything about your coming.

I didn't even know he had a daughter.

- Neither did he. - 'He knew.'

'Miss Parker, this is Nambia. She's from the Masai tribe.'

'Your father calls her Africa.'

My mother.

We need to get you out of here.

- You'll take my tent. - No, I couldn't.

You must. I insist.

Share a tent and...don't worry, please. I'll be fine.

Now, let's get you settled.

'This son of a bitch looks at me with a wild look in his eye'

'and he says, "there's nothing to do but go up."'

'"Go up, go up," he says'

'Well, he knew we had to keep moving'

'or we'd freeze to death right there and then'

'and that would be the end of it.'

'So, I took his advice, yelled to the boys'

'"Rope yourselves. We're going up."'

'Everybody looked at me as if I was bloody crazy'

'but I wasn't, this dumb son of a bitch was crazy.'

He was crazy, you know. If it hadn't been for you

we'd be buried up to our bollocks in some icy grave.

There was no..

Gentlemen, our guest has arrived, Jane.

Excuse me. Jane.

Yes, uh, gentlemen..

...may I introduce to one and all, Ms. Jane Parker.

Her mother and I were separated

when she was quite young.

'That's a lie.'

He left my mother

a year after I was born.

Ah. Six thousand miles to tell me what a bastard I am.

What did mama say when you told her you were coming to Africa?

Nothing.

She was dead when I decided.

Oh, my God.

'She had a beautiful funeral.'

All her loved ones were there.

'I left a week later.'

Gentlemen.

Gent-gentlemen, I..

I believe the dinner is over.

Ms. Parker?

I think your father would be best left alone--

'Oh, for God's sake, Holt! Get out and leave her.'

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

That's all you have to say?

No, no, that is not all I have to say.

There are a million, trillion things I want to say

but all I can say is, I loved her so.

Oh! I see.

That is a good reason to leave.

You don't find me a very pretty sight, do you?

I don't find you a pretty sight.

'Because of you, I was born.'

'But you only came to me through newspaper clippings'

'telling me how you were out trading your soul away'

'for one more grand adventure.'

Mother's estate makes me very, very rich.

I could buy everything you own. Buy it right out from under you.

Who the bloody hell do you think you're talking to?

James Parker. You are James Parker?

There's not another.

Like a trophy, you posed with mother and child

'and then you were gone.'

Now, doesn't that make you a first

'But I carry that same picture.'

There has not been a day in your life

that I have not carried that same picture.

'She was so weak.'

I mean, your conception almost killed her.

'Don't you understand that?'

If I had held her too long..

...if I had loved her too much.

So frail.

'So very fragile.'

God, how I loved you.

Her.

You loved her.

Yes. Her.

But you are her.

I am not.

How much do you hate me?

I think so very, very much.

Hate...is a very strong emotion.

'It can drain one.'

I know.

I wish you strength.

She didn't find me a pretty sight.

And I did dress so for the occasion.

Do you think I overdressed?

Goodnight, Jane Parker!

'Sleep well, Jane Parker.'

Morning. Am I disturbing you?

Not at all.

This should interest you.