The Sex Trip

When I was ten, my family moved to America.

Shortly thereafter, I learned a valuable lesson about love.

Hey, new kid.

You wanna play a card came called 52 pickup?

Pick it up,

dick for brains!

She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

I fell instantly and madly in love.

Then she broke my heart.

I vowed never to let love hurt me again.

Today

I'm a master of love.

Your book '52 Pickup'

is basically a how-to guide for men to pick up women,

- is it not? - It is, yeah.

And you claim that your book

will help men pick up a different woman

every week, for a year?

Yeah, it's really that simple.

All they have to do is follow

my three simple rules of engagement.

That is, trigger her interest

play indifferent

and then go for the kill.

Are you aware how degrading that is to women?

I mean, some could say it reduces us

to mere objects who could be easily tricked into bed?

I mean, how would you respond to such allegations?

How do I respond?

Guilty as charged.

Oh, what the hell is that?

What is this stuff!

- Hey, what's up, Ruben? - Hey, what's... whoa.

- Take it easy, brother. - Sorry, dude, we just met here.

All right.

Don't get chopped off. You're early, aren't you?

You got it, bro.

Thank you. How's it going? Good?

Very well.

There you go. Good luck.

Good.

And enjoy it.

Next in line.

So good to meet you.

Well, thank you for coming.

Dude, you've changed my life.

That's the whole point.

I used to live in my parents' basement

and only thing I'd score

was my Xbox.

But now...

I'm scoring with ladies.

That's great. Go get them.

Next.

Holy shit.

- Hi. - Hi.

I can't believe it's really you.

It's really me.

I owe you so much.

Your book, has helped me overcome this.

Tiny penis?

What?

No!

I'm talking about my lack of style.

That's... I meant your tiny lack of style.

- Yes. - I don't know why I said penis.

That's exactly, I don't know why I said penis.

- You're an asshole. - I'm sorry.

I'm... I'm sure you're packing. I didn't...

Baby's arm holding an apple.

Yeah.

- What are you doing? - I don't know. It just came out.

Hi.

What a collection of losers today, huh?

- Worse than usual. - Yeah.

OK. Those 'losers'

are the reason you live in a million dollar house

and wear custom-made suits.

Hey, it's OK, I still love them, though.

Hence the term, 'lovable loser'.

Yeah. And hey, hey, you know what?

You should show the man a little more respect here.

OK? He's making your company a lot of green and you know what?

We haven't signed the contract for that third book yet. So...

- Don't touch me... - OK.

It's OK, Steve.

Polly here has a right to her opinion.

OK, it's Molly.

But Steve is right.

I was out of line. It won't happen again.

It's all good, babe.

It's all good, Molly.

We sold over a hundred copies.

That's great, Nana.

Yeah, those losers really eat this shit up. Ha!

What?

Here. I wrote my number in it.

You want to get with a real woman, give me a call.

What the...

Don't even think about it.

Hey, hey, listen. I almost forgot.

They asked me if you want to participate

in this charity fashion show.

- Really? - Yeah.

- How much would it pay? - Nada. It's for charity.

But all the models are gonna be celebs.

- Oh, interesting. - Yeah. Yeah.

It's gonna be some big names there.

You know what?

Might allow me to broaden my fishing pond.

And you've got quite the pole, huh?

- Dude. - I know.

- That was... - I know.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- We won't... - Don't worry.

I regretted the second it came out of my mouth.

Oh.

Hey! Wait a minute.

Hey, don't forget about this release party tonight!

- Huh? - I said don't forget...

You're an asshole.

Asshole!

You hear that?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, get out of here.

Fancy car piece of shit.

Take care of it, buddy.

- Edison Greenleaf. - Jesus.

Whoa.

What?

Hello.

Hello.

Do I know... How do you know my name?

Does it really matter?

Of... I'm a fool. Of course, from the jackets of my book. OK.

- You want an autograph? - Look, Eddie...

I'm here to ask you something.

Yeah... you see, I don't really carry cash.

I don't want your money.

Then what do you want?

You don't really respect women, do you?

I'm sorry, what?

I... did Steve Burns put you up to this? Where is he?

Women are nothing but notches...

- on your bedpost! - Yeah, my bedpost.

In fact, I don't even have bedposts on my bed, so...

That's a metaphor, Eddie.

A metaphor...

Oh, I get...

I'm being punked, aren't I?

This is brilliant!

Where? Where are they? All right, you can come out now. Where's the film crew?

There's no film crew, Eddie!

All right. You know, I'm tired of this. No more games, OK?

Then give me what I'm here for.

And what are you here for?

Kiss me.

Jeez, I don't think that's gonna happen.

Prove to me that you can see the beauty in all women.

The beauty beneath the surface.

- Kiss me! - All right.

No offense, you crazy old bat, but

I'd rather my dick dropped off, all right?

- What a... - Suit yourself.

Yeah, so, ah, Molly, listen.

- I, uhh... - Too close.

OK.

You're doing that thing kids do when they like each other...

No.

Well, OK, then.

How about we talk business.

Maybe a few strawberry daiquiris, discuss that third contract.

What do you say?

Oh, god.

And then, two of my eight cats, they got in this really big fight.

- All right. - It was just horrible.

I ended up having to take Mr. Muggles to the vet

and then we had to put him down. Sorry, I can't talk.

All right, I'm really happy for you.

I thought super-models were required to be anorexic, but

you look just so goddamn healthy.

Wait.

Are you saying that I look fat?

No, no, that's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying you look really healthy.

Oh my god.

I shouldn't have eaten this puffy cheese thing.

Don't be so hard on yourself, you know. You're only human.

Humans are flawed.

Wait, are you saying I have flaws?

No, I'm saying that

I think you're gorgeous.

Just don't worry about what anybody else thinks about you.

Wait. You say people are talking about me?

Well, you know what these bitches are like.

We should think about, getting out of here soon.

It's getting a little, umm...

a little toxic, I think.

Tell me about it.

- Uhh. - Umm.

Uhh?