Work in Progress

Previously on Work in Progress.

He's gonna call us with the wedding plan.

You've told me, like, four times.

You're just being an asshole because you want me

- to dish about Chris. - Dish, bitch!

Fuck off, Campbell!

I think it's moving way too fast,

I think he's way too young, and I don't trust him. Yet.

I had an ex, and I thought she loved me and wouldn't judge me.

Living your truth isn't all great.

Are you still doing that?

- Doing what? - I thought things were better.

I'm happy right now. I'm not gonna jinx it.

You know what?

I was the last juror...

This spray that I really like...

... aromatic mist that I thought it was...

I'm like, "No, I don't have a cat!"

Uh, go fuck yourself!

I am a humanitarian and a anima... "aninmanatarian."

- -

There was the time she fainted at the free zoo.

Remember the time she fainted at Gay Day at Six Flags?

Uh, Nancy, thank you for bringing that up,

ya dumb bitch.

Uh, it wasn't my fault.

The rollercoaster was stuck up there for, like, two hours.

Oh, my God, you were stuck on a rollercoaster

- for two hours? - Oh, no. I was on the ground.

I don't do coasters. But I was scared...

Do you remember about that day?

I know... You guys, I know exactly what she remembers.

- $10 hot dogs! - On the ground!

- Bullshit! - How is it bullshit?

I bought you another one, you fuckin' ate it.

Wait, wait, wait.

How long has this fainting thing been going on?

Longer than you've been alive.

Oh. Anyone need a drink?

Today was fun, right?

Yeah.

Campbell kind of had an edge to her. Yeah?

Campbell's just a crusty old man, so...

don't worry about it.

I just kind of have a feeling she doesn't like me very much.

No, I've known Campbell for over 30 years,

and she's like that to everyone she just meets.

She's like the opposite of a peach.

She's like a big old fuckin' coconut, you know?

- Hard to get in. - Hmm.

- You're fine, I promise. - Okay.

- For real. Okay. - Okay.

What are you doing? Journaling?

No, not real... I'm just...

jotting some stuff.

No peeks.

Well...

I'm gonna brush my teeth

- and go to bed. - Oh, okay.

Don't stay up too late journaling.

- Okay? - Okay.

Oh, my God, now what?

Oh, my God, finally. The last.

Okay.

Don't take this personally, but hire movers next time.

No way I could have done it without you. Thanks.

Oh, you're so right,

because you're new live-in girlfriend

isn't in town on your move-in day.

Campbell, you know this. It's not her fault.

- Red flag! - What the f...

Rrrrr... red flag?

Come on.

Red flag.

Hey, Campbell, if there's anything else

you want to get off your fucking chest,

now would be an amazing time.

Yeah. I think this is a mistake.

Whoa, well look at you!

It only took you over six and a half hours to bring that up.

- Way to go. - Yeah, well I'm really surprised

that you're moving in with someone that you barely know.

What are you talking about? I know her.

Yeah, but does she know you?

And to this extent?

She knows I journal. What the fuck?

Yeah, but this is a lot of journaling.

Like...

a lot of journaling.

Lots and lots.

Okay? I mean... when are you gonna tell her?

I don't know. I'll tell her.

My schedule's a little booked right now. I'll figure it out.

How do you see that working out?

Because relationships are about sharing everything.

Or so I've heard.

Why don't we just take whatever time you need

to say whatever it is you need to say,

and then when you're done, that's when we'll order a pizza.

- All right? - Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I would like a...

extra large pepperoni, thin crust,

with a side of "you really do have to tell her all your shit."

Now, where's the fuckin' beer? What is this?

Ooh! Who sent this over?

Why, the high roller at the end of the bar.

- Oh. -

- What is this? -

Sorry, we don't restock the Miller Lite until next week.

I like one beer, okay? One kind of beer.

- But thank you very much. - Mm-hmm.

So what's the gaggle of crones getting into this weekend?

Well, excuse me, milady.

A group of crones is not called a gaggle.

- Oh. - It's called a dustbin.

- A dustbin? - Yes.

- A dustbin of crones. -

How long you two been together? Three months?

Um, I don't know.

Maybe? I mean, who's counting, ya know?

_

Chris. Chris is counting.

Yeah. He won't shut up about

how this is the longest he's dated one person.

Really? When he doesn't shut up about it,

does he sound, like, happy? Or...

stressed out about it?

I'm not stressed out about it. I-I'm not stressed out about...

- Chill. Chill. - Okay.

When Chris is into somebody, he goes all in.

He's very giving. Plus, he likes a project, so...

A project?

_

- _ -

- What? - Um, should we call him?

Maybe he forgot again? He's very forgetful.

Look, he just texted. Just give him a sec.

- - Your avatar for Dad

is Mussolini?

- Shhh. - Oh, I love you.

- Hi, Daddy. - Hi, Dad.

Hey, you two.

Dad, where are you? Are you still in Cameroon?

- -

Oh my... this is impossible.

- Let me, okay? - All right.

Siri! Call Il Duce.

- - Oh! He's calling us!

Hi, Dad.

Hi, honey. Look, I know the reception isn't great...

Dad, it's really hard to hear you.

... fusilli...

Is he listing pastas?

Dad, are you listing pastas?

Do you want a pasta bar at your wedding?

Hey, Dad. Why don't you call us back

when you can get better reception?

We're gonna try to go out and get some air.

What? No! Now?

- - See?

Tell me what I'm missing.

See? Wait.

Uh, what?

Fair enough.

Peace.

Dad, do you still want the reception in Galena?

Can he even hear me?

- - Dad?

- Daddy? - Sir?

- Great. - He asked us

to plan his wedding, and then when he calls us,

he doesn't even bother to find a place

with good cell coverage.

Yeah, it really sucks that the remote village

that your dad is volunteering in doesn't have 4G.

Okay. I see what you did there.

- - I didn't like it, but I...

That's fair.

- _ - Oh, my God.

- What? - It's Campbell.

She just sent me the dumbest text.

Hey, Campbell.

You are such an idiot.