South Park

Oh, jeez.

We should get your bitch ass back in the kitchen

and make me some pie. -

That is a hoot and a holler.

Anyway, this next episode

is definitely Trey and I's most favorite episode.

It's called "Death."

In it, Stan's grandpa wants to die,

and all the parents in South Park are protesting a TV show.

Matt and Trey, let's get right to the point.

Should old people legally be allowed to die

at the hand of a loved one?

Matt and I are both firm believers in euthanasia.

We think that once you get to be a certain age,

things just get to be too boring and painful,

and you should be able to, well, you know,

by people you love.

That's why I've asked my family

to put a bullet in my head when I turn 30.

So, who are this Terrance and Phillip,

and why do they sound so different?

"Terrance and Phillip" is a show

that the boys in South Park like to watch,

and the truth is, they're Canadian.

That's why they're so silly.

How many lives would you say that Kenny has left?

Will they eventually run out, kind of like a video game?

There's something that people have to understand

about this whole Kenny mess.

Trey and I created Kenny,

so if we want to kill him, we can.

That's our right.

Leave us alone.

So, are you guys as anti-Semitic

as some might believe?

You know, a lot of people have accused

"South Park" of anti-Semitism,

but I am Jewish and proud of my heritage,

and so I can say with some certainty

that I am not anti-Semitic.

I am, however.

So now, sit back, relax, and enjoy "Death."

Now, blow out the candles, Grandpa.

all: Hooray!

How's it feel to be 102, Paps?

Shoot me! - Make a wish, Grandpa.

I wish I were dead!

That's our silly Grandpa.

I'm not being silly, kill me!

I'd do it myself, but I'm too damn old!

Ooh, who wants ice cream with their cake?

Me. - I will!

It's 8:00. My favorite TV show is on.

That show's for babies.

It's so stupid!

Can I eat my cake in the living room, Mom?

Please, can I?

Oh, all right.

But take your Grampy with you.

Ah, damn it! - Language!

And now back to "Terrance and Phillip."

Hey, Terrance, I think I have to fart.

Wait, before you do, pull my thumb.

Ah, damn it!

How would you like to make a dollar, Billy?

My name's not Billy, Grandpa, it's Stan.

Damn it, Billy, do you want a dollar or don't you?

Sure. - Okay.

You just have to do one thing for me.

I'm not gonna kill you, Grandpa.

Why not? - 'Cause I'll get in trouble.

I killed my grandpa when I was your age!

Leave me alone, Grandpa.

What has America's youth come to?

Kids won't even kill their own grandparents!

Hey, Terrance, now that you've farted,

I think I might fart too.

Oh! You farted!

Kyle, bubby, what are you watching?

Hey, Phillip, would you like a flower?

I sure would, Terrance.

All righty, then, here's a tulip.

What is this? It's horrible!

Dude, it's "Terrance and Phillip."

Take that, you stupid dick.

What did he say?

You're an asshole, Phillip.

Wh-wh-what?!

Young man,

you are not to watch that show anymore.

It's immature toilet humor.

But everybody watches "Terrance and Phillip."

Oh, really? Is that so?

Oh, no, Phillip, looks like you're about to fart.

You're exactly right, Terrance.

Oh, no!

Sweet.

Eric, dear, I just got a call

from your friend Kyle's mother.

She said that this show is naughty

and might make you a potty mouth.

That's a bunch of crap!

Kyle's mom is a dirty Jew!

Oh. Okay, hon.

I'm not going to kill you, Grandpa!

Ingrate!

Good night, Grandpa!

You pompous son of a whore!

Ow! What the hell was that for?

That's for your stupid mother!

She made me miss "Terrance and Phillip" last night.

Yeah, what's the big idea

having your mom call all our moms last night?

Well, I didn't have her do it.

She did it on her own.

Why does this happen every month?

It seems like right about the same time every month

Kyle's mom gets a hair up her ass about something

and I always end up getting screwed by it.

Children, children,

a certain student's mother

called me last night.

Ah, gee, I wonder whose mother

that could've been.

She informed me that some of you

might be watching a naughty show

called "Terrance and Phillip."

Watching that show is bad, Mr. Garrison.

That's right, Mr. Hat.

Shows like "Terrance and Phillip"

are what we call "toilet humor."

They don't expand your minds.

You see, children, these kind of shows

are senseless, vile trash.

Kenny, why are you late to class?

Oh, okay, Kenny, be seated.

Now, as I was saying, the reason

the parents of South Park are so upset is because--

Yes, Kenny, what is it? -

I thought you just came from the bathroom.

Okay, okay, go ahead.

As I was saying, you all seem to enjoy the show

even though it isn't based in reality.

There's much more to life than two young men

farting on each other.

And throughout history, there have always been shows

that have come and gone that have been very bad,

and usually they get taken right off the air.

You see, you should be spending your time

enlightening your mind with more intelligent entertainment.

Whoa! Smells like you slaughtered a cow

in there, Kenny! - Pay attention, children!

I'm going to join your parents in requesting

that you don't watch "Terrance and Phillip" anymore ever.

What?

Not watch "Terrance and Phillip" ever?

That's right, children.

Are there any questions? Yes, Stanley?

Is it okay to kill somebody if they want you to?

Wh-what do you mean?

My grandpa keeps asking

that I kill him all the time,

and sometimes I wonder if I should.

Well, then, you should-- I think that a person has

a right to die if they wanna. - Really?

Yeah, there's this guy named Jack Laborkian

that goes around and murders people that ask him to,

and he doesn't get into any trouble at all.

Wow! - Hey!

Maybe we can get him to kill Kyle's mom!

So is it okay to assist somebody

with suicide, Mr. Garrison?

Uh, Stan,

I'm not touching that one with a 20-foot pole.

Man, I can't believe we're gonna miss

"Terrance and Phillip" today.

I think I'm already having withdrawal.

Don't worry, dude, we can all go watch it at my house.

My parents don't get home until late.