UnREAL

Graham: Welcome to "Everlasting"!

Let's go, people! I want nudity, 911 calls.

I need an episode. Get me something I can use.

You're pumping toxic sludge into the minds of young women.

I want to talk about you ‐‐ and me.

The only thing that matters is us.

You and I can be together ‐‐ for real.

I don't want that.

Dr. Simon: She's clearly had way too much to drink.

She wanted it, mate.

You are not built to be number two

to some mediocre white dude.

You can be number one. I can do that for you.

"Passport to Dance." Alexi's gonna host it.

It's our very own "Everlasting" date.

We have a deal.

I suck you. You bring me coke.

This is disgusting.

I guess this is goodbye.

Yeah.

I don't want to be with you anymore.

I'd rather be alone forever.

And I think you're gonna be alone forever, too.

I think that's best for everyone.

Here's a little truth bomb for you.

The women I tend to meet on Bumble

look a lot worse than their profile pics ‐‐

not much, much better.

Here's to the real thing.

You're sweet.

So, either you just signed up

or I've tragically been missing you.

No, I'm fresh meat.

Yeah, it's been a really, um...

a really fun and illuminating month.

I realized I hadn't been on an actual date in, like,

forever because I work like a crazy person.

Well, what do you do that keeps you so busy?

Have you ever heard of a show called "Everlasting"?

Seriously? Yeah, I love that show.

Welcome to "Everlasting" after hours.

The control room's back there.

The contestants' bedrooms are right up those stairs.

And the suitor's suite is right off the courtyard.

This is unbelievable.

You are unbelievable.

And the tour's just getting started.

So, we start shooting the next season tomorrow night,

which means things are really gonna heat up around here.

So, I got to ask ‐‐

is all the sex and romance real,

or do you manufacture it?

I can make anything real.

You're gonna go in? Okay...

You gotta hurry up!

Yeah.

There's still something I just don't get.

How the hell are you still single?

Mitchell: I'll text you later. Rachel: Yeah, okay. It was good.

Still at it, huh?

Trying to fill that dark wound of your soul,

only now as a blonde!

Wow. What is this? Contestant Rachel?

Oh, and who is behind the tinted glass?

German‐car‐leasing, douchebag producer Jay!

Nice to meet you.

Oh, honestly, Rachel,

I envy you so much, having only one show to produce.

"Passport to Dance."

How's that going with the ex‐boy toy, Alexi?

Jay: He's still in rehab. Rachel: No shit.

Desperately needed.

Yeah, I'm just glad I didn't have to prep

this crazy‐ass season.

I cannot believe Quinn just let you run with it.

Totally fine. We've got this thing under control.

Who's "we"?

Uh, a new producer ‐‐ smart, young, hot.

Rachel: Don't be jealous or worried. Jay: Oh, please.

Rachel: But you should be. Dan: Hey, Jay.

Jay: Nah, I'm not. Dan: Jay. Rachel.

Rachel: Yeah. Hi. Dan: Hi. Wow.

You look, um...

Dan: I should have called. Rachel: Probably.

Uh, Quinn and Chet's car just hit the gate.

They're coming in really hot right now.

Okay, cool. So, you 5s handle the welcome wagon.

This 10's got two shows to produce.

5? I'm, like, a 7. come on.

Rachel: Here we go. Dan: Better get this.

Dan: Hi, Quinn. Welcome back. Quinn: Hi, Dan!

Welcome ashore!

Holy shit!

What did you do to your hair?

Uh, I got highlights.

Wow. You look great.

You look like a...

a woman.

For like an hour, I've had to the bathroom.

I got to drain the main vein. Excuse me.

¡Hola! Rachel!

Ah!

Uh, why are the guys here so early?

Why the hell are we not shooting this?

Uh, well, it was all in the new season pitch pages

that I e‐mailed you while you were away and not responding.

Wow! So, I'm back 30 seconds, and you're already up my ass.

Rachel. My little lamb chop.

You look bellisima.

Oh, boy.

You know this shit doesn't work with me.

Mmm.

Rodrigo: Quinn. Quinn: Hi. How's it going?

Rodrigo: And the mansion of bullshit. Quinn: That's right.

Ah, it's all starting to come back.

I broke a lot of hearts here.

God forgive me.

Kind of chose the wrong girl.

What was I thinking?

Okay, all right, all right.

You guys want to get a room or just go bang in the pool?

It's heated.

Dan. Dan.

Dan: Yeah. Rachel: Can I introduce you to Rodrigo?

Rodrigo: Hola. ¿Como estas? Rachel: There you go.

Dan: Hey. Quinn: Uh, Rachel?

Yes.

You brought back August?

I told you that. Did you open your e‐mails?

Service was spotty. Okay?

Okay. I was on a giant ship.

Okay, well, it's called "Everlasting All‐Stars."

And, yes, like it or not, you boned an All‐Star.

Wow! You're just gonna go there.

Okay. All right. I'm gonna go and, uh, check on Chet's vein.

Rachel: Hi, there, August. August: Rachel.

Couldn't be a season of "Everlasting All‐Stars"

without you ‐‐ I'm just saying.

You should probably save your imitation charm

for someone who doesn't know you as well as I do.

Rachel: Oh! August: I mean, what, did you think

I forgot the mountain of shit

that you dumped on me last season?

Well, I know how the game's played now,

and with $1 million at stake, I'm here to win.

See ya.

Welcome, stunning single ladies,

to the Wild, Wild West version of "Everlasting" ‐‐

our very first "Everlasting All‐Stars,"

where couples will pair up each week,

and it'll be you, America, that'll cast your final vote.

I got to tell you, it won't be easy getting there,

because we will have an Elimination Ceremony

in each episode

and a wild, wild challenge.

Are we ready for our first challenge of the season?

Seriously?

I mean, challenge shows are like the hairy armpit

of reality television.

Tommy: Rachel said you weren't a fan,

but with the kick‐ass ratings we're about to bring in,

I bet I can change your mind.

Oh, look ‐‐ another man who thinks he knows what I want.

This ought to be good.

Tommy Castelli. Real excited to show you what we got.

Rachel: Tommy's the new producer and game designer

I e‐mailed you about, Quinn.

Hi...Tommy.

I finally get to meet the woman

who took every little girl's fear of being alone and ‐‐

and turned it into a billion‐dollar empire.

You built this show on sweat and tears.

Let me add a little blood. You'll see.

All right, ladies, are you ready?

Excellent.

Okay, all you have to do, ladies,

is walk over this Bridge of Love

to our wonderful Cocktail Party of Lubrication.

Quinn: Yeah, all they have to do is walk across a bridge?

I know these girls are stupid, but ‐‐

Okay, well, that's not what this is. Trust us.

Pause, have yourself a twirl,

show our studs how sizzling you are...

Why are they dressed like "50 Shades" rejects?

Do you want to just call "Cut" and I can explain it all to you?

I mean, we can maybe do a little show‐and‐tell, or...

I don't know, maybe we should just find those e‐mails.

Ooh! Attitude!

Okay, first up is Maya,

who's our steamy sommelier from Season 13.

Maya? You think she's an All‐Star?

After what happened with her and Adam's douchebag friend?

I think Maya can become an All‐Star.

Very nice.

What is with all the tablets?

Rachel: Well, Quinn ‐‐ Quinn: You know what?

If you say "e‐mails" one more time,

I'm gonna shove his shit board down your throat.

Good job, Maya.

Gentlemen, next up is Naomi, who came to us