Friends

How did the audition go? - Incredible.

I met the director. You'll never believe who it was.

Who?

I'll give you one hint.

Warren Beatty.

Wow.

There's just one thing that might be a problem.

See, I had to kiss this guy.

Because he was just so darn cute?

No, part of the audition. I'm up for the part of this guy...

...who the main guy kisses.

Well, you're an actor. I say you just suck it up and you do it.

Or you just do it.

I did do it. I'm a professional.

- What's the problem? After the scene...

...Mr. Beatty comes up to me and he says, "Good actor. Bad kisser."

Can you believe that? Me, not a good kisser.

That's like...

...Mother Teresa, not a good mother. Pfft.

Who cares what that guy thinks?

What does Warren Beatty know about kissing? Heh.

Oh. Heh, heh.

The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding

What did your agent say?

Yep. This kiss thing is definitely a problem.

Mr. Beatty wants to see it again on Monday.

Man, I gotta figure out what I'm doing wrong.

Oh, okay. One of you girls come over here and kiss me.

- Forget it. - Yeah, right.

Hey, come on. I need your help here.

I'll do it. I've kissed him before. I can do it again.

See this, huh? This is a friend.

Uh-huh. Let's go.

Oh, wait. I have gum.

Okay.

Good. Very good. Firm, but tender.

I'd recommend you to a friend.

Then I don't know what the problem is.

Maybe you're not used to kissing men.

Maybe you tensed up a little.

Maybe you need to work on it.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Over my dead body.

And I'll be using his dead body as a shield.

Come out, honey. I'm telling you, you look good.

Tell her she looks good. Tell her she looks good.

Oh, my God! Ha, ha, ha.

You look so good!

I cannot believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people...

...looking like something you drink when you're nauseous.

So don't. I don't see why we have to go to this thing.

It's your ex-fiancé's wedding.

Because I promised Mindy I would.

Yeah, well, you promised Barry you'd marry him.

You guys, I have to go. I'm the maid of honor.

Besides, I need to be in a room again with these people...

...and feel good about myself.

Someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Get a little action?

I may have.

Whoo-hoo! Stud!

- What's she look like? We haven't met.

We stayed up all night talking on the Internet.

Whoo-hoo! Geek!

I like this girl. I seriously like this girl.

You know how I tend to get a little defended and quippy?

- Get out. - No. Please.

Well, she called me on it, okay? She said, "Cut it out, get real."

And I did.

Wow.

What's that like?

It's like this. Me.

No jokes.

Stop it. You're freaking me out.

Yeah. I don't like you this way.

I'll see you guys later.

Bye, Richard. - Bye-bye.

Bye, sweetie. I love you.

I love you too.

I think my boyfriend's ever so dreamy.

I wonder what our wedding will be like.

What are you talking about? What wedding?

Come on. You never talk about that?

No, never.

We're just living in the moment.

It is so nice for once not to get hung up on, "Where is this going?"

- Afraid to ask him? - Could not be more terrified.

I think you should seriously consider marriage.

Give Rachel another chance to dress like Princess Bubble Yum.

Where's Benny?

There he is!

Where's Benny?

There he is!

That's probably why babies learn to talk, so they can tell grownups to cut it out.

Hey, I got a question for you.

Just a little thing, no pressure.

Okay.

Do you ever, uh, think about the future?

Sure, I do.

Yeah? Am I in it?

Honey...

...you are it.

Oh, God. You're about to get so lucky.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Keep talking. - Well...

...sometimes I think about selling my practice.

We could move to France.

- Make French toast. - Ooh.

Okay, so...

...we're in France...

...and we're making the toast.

Do you see a little bassinet in the corner?

Like a hound?

Not a basset.

A bassinet.

You really need the bassinet?

Well, I just think the baby would keep falling off the dog.

- Do you not see kids in our future? - Oh. Heh.

I love children.

I have children.

I don't wanna be 70 when our kids go off to college...

...and our life can finally start.

- Hm. - Look.

I want you...

...now.

Well, that's great. We don't need to talk about this now.

Really, I mean this is so, like, way, way, way in the future.

I'm talking hovercrafts and apes taking over the planet. Heh, heh.

Come on, Chandler. I want this part so much.

Just one kiss. I won't tell anyone.

Joey, no means no.

Hey.

I'm sorry, we don't have your sheep.

Aw, Rach, I think you look cute.

And you. You...

- You, I could eat you with a spoon. - Get away from me. I said no.

Richard buzzed. He's downstairs.

Richard's here? I should run down, say goodbye to him.

Bye. Good luck.

How's your date with your cyber-chick going?

Hey, what is all that?

It's a web site. It's the Guggenheim Museum.

She likes art...

...and I like funny words.

What does she mean by "H.H."?

It means we're holding hands.

Are you the cutest?

I'm afraid I might just be.

I think it's so great that you're totally into this person...

...yet for all you know, she could be 90 years old or have two heads.

It could be a guy.

It's not a guy, all right? I know her.

It could be like a big, giant guy.

Man, I got this close to him, and Monica kneed me in the back.

What's going on?

We're wondering if Chandler's girlfriend is a girl.

Ask her how long she's gonna live.

Women live longer than men.

How do you not fall down more?

Okay, ask her what is her method of birth control.

All right.

"My husband is sleeping with his secretary."

She's married?

At least we know she's a woman.

I can't believe she's married.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

This must be really tough for you.

I read this article that says you're not supposed to throw rice at weddings...

...because when pigeons eat rice, it kills them.

That's why you never see pigeons in sushi bars.

- See, we're having fun. - Oh, absolutely.

I'm not even thinking about that thing that we're not gonna think about.

Neither am I.

Hey, there. Are you all right?

Yeah. But in the bathroom, I saw the window I crawled out of at my wedding.

And, God, I just started thinking I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't.

People are gonna be looking at me and judging me and thinking about the last time.

Sweetie, it's gonna be okay. It's a wedding.

Generally, people focus on the bride.

I know, you're right.

Alrighty. Everybody look at me. Good.

It's time. Bridesmaids and ushers...

...let's see two lines. Thank you.

I'll see you after the thing.

- Okay. Good luck. - Thank you. Okay.

Okay.

Ah.

Why didn't you tell me?

What could I do?

Stand up and shout, "Hey, Rachel, your butt is showing!"

Oh, my God. This is so humiliating.

The only thing that tops that was when I was in eighth grade...

...and I had to sing the "Copacabana" in front of the entire school.