Kamikaze Hearts

I don’t know, when I first met her I just thought

she was this woman, this girl,

in this business, who was sleazy,

who needed to make a living,

who was fucking on camera.

You know, I thought she was just a fucking ’nother

dumb porno slut.

And I was wrong, it didn’t take me long.

I mean, I didn’t fall in love with her

because she was beautiful, I fell in love with her

because...she had this power.

You’re visiting town, Miss, or you live here, or what?

-I, uh, don’t live here. -Oh, yeah.

I live in New York City.

No kidding, what, in Manhattan or what?

-Manhattan. -Yeah, where?

13th Street between 2nd and 3rd, Little Puerto Rico.

That’s on the east side kind of.

East side, yeah, you could get--very east.

Yeah, I’ve been there.

I’ve been on 3rd Avenue, as a matter of fact.

Mm-hm, 3rd Avenue.

Did you ever see The Lost Weekend

-with Ray Milland? -Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that’s what I feel like right now.

I got another girlfriend named Tigr.

-Oh, yeah? -She’s, um--

-She’s real sweet. -Mm-hm.

Matter of fact, one of the reasons why

I keep coming back to San Francisco

to do films is because of Tigr,

’cause I’m kind of in love with her.

-Wow. -And we kind of both have

a love affair with each other and drugs and films

and entertainment,

and, uh, Tigr’s someone that I suppose

I’ll pass many years with,

and, uh, grow old together or die with

or something like that, you know.

Sounds like fun.

Growing old and dying with somebody you like, ya know?

Yeah, that would be rather nice.

Sure.

Thank you!

-Uh-huh. -What’s your next movie

gonna be?

Um, my next movie is the movie that I’m filming right now

at this very minute.

Um, it’s called Truth or Fiction,

that’s what I call it,

and it’s a movie about myself,

and my girlfriend who I love very much,

and it’s, uh--

it’s--there’s the microphone, it’s taking place right now.

Don’t worry, you guys aren’t being filmed.

It’s okay.

It’s sort of a, um...

a surrealistic look, I guess, at myself and my girlfriend,

and the way we look at the X-rated film business

and our relationship with each other,

and it’s very nice.

Is it more truth or more fiction?

I don’t know, because I don’t know

whether I’m more truth or more fiction.

We’re not gonna die after this movie, or what?

Do you think we will?

No, we’re not gonna die.

I hope not.

I don’t know.

("Habanera" aria from "Carmen")

Hello, operator.

Uh, get me, um--oh, my God--

391-4761, thank you.

I’ve gotta make sure everybody’s there on time.

Oh, boy.

Tigr got me into this.

She got me into this fucking movie, Carmen.

I’m not an opera singer, I don’t look like

an opera singer, but I am an actress,

and I’ll try to portray anything.

I love beautiful things, I love San Francisco,

I love opera, I love beautiful women,

I love sex.

Where else could you find a combination like that?

This is an opera town.

It’s a sexy town.

I combine all these things I love in my work.

That’s why I produce films.

There’s no greater thrill for me than to take

all the things I love and make money at it.

Make money at it, it’s incredible.

Religious groups, they love my work.

I do things for churches, the idolize some

of the images I create.

It’s therapeutic, it helps people out.

People, you know, have better sex lives

because of what I do.

But, like all the jobs, there’s a lot of stress

connected with it.

Here, that’s why I had to get this phone,

this is a mobile phone.

I have to call in, I don’t have time

to step to a payphone and pop a dime in.

Every time I call the operator, I don’t get...

Okay, let me fill you in about the plot a little bit.

I play this opera singer named Carmen

who thinks she’s a great opera singer.

In reality, she isn’t.

She just got thrown out of New York, so she started

a night club in Cuba, and these three bitches

come to steal my art, they eventually do,

and I have this little slave named Cupid

who, uh, fucks me in the end of the movie.

Uh--ah, here we are,

home sweet home for the next three days.

Yes, is the talent here?

This is our set.

There’s Tigr.

Oh, thank God there’s Tigr with the bowl.

It’s kind of, uh-- this is Cuba.

It’s gonna be Cuba.

Haven’t seen you since-- since Milton’s bathtub.

Little more, a little more commotion,

a little more projection.

Oh, thank you, thank you, please be merciful!

They wash off, .

-Oh, thank you, thank you. -You started when you were 17?

You can get in a lot of trouble

when you’re 17 years old, you know that, right?

Well, I always, like, signed a release

saying I was older, and then...

-Um, basically-- -Atmosphere.

It’s an extra part, so you’re, like--

okay, yeah, right, you’re atmosphere

for a sequence that’s gonna be shot

in this other room, and, um, the whole idea

is this Cuban club, ’50s look,

if you have clothes for that, that’d be nice.

All you really need to do-- you’re--you’re extras,

you’re atmosphere in a dream sequence.

Okay, so there’s no real dialogue.

I just wanna

put you on screen, so I can show it to the producer,

so he sees.

Look, do I not look in the camera?

-Call me names. -Well, that’s not gonna be

-too hard to do. -Okay, Jeffrey.

I mean, really.

-Pardon me. -I gotta, uh, focus on you.

Put on the old X-ray specs to get a better view.

Someone--can someone look out the window

and see who that is?

Gloria Swanson, Gloria Swanson is one of my idols,

um, because she has been from,

uh, fucking non-talkies

to talkies, to musicals,

to stage, to everything, and she still looked

fucking good when she was 80 years old and she died.

Martha Graham, one of my teachers,

is one of my idols as well.

James Dean I mentioned, of course.

Um, Ronald Reagan is one of my--

it’s gotta be my top fucking idol,

because to fulfill a fantasy

totally of being President of the United States,

for an actor, it must be a hit.

-Really? -It must be a hit in the arm.

I’ve done 119 films.

Um, some of them, unfortunately, are not smut.

Gotta pay taxes on something.

I collect snakes.

I read dictionaries, comic books,

and maps.

When I first met her,

I was about to leave, and I--

I’ve stuck in the business because of her,

’cause she fascinates me.

She’s like a snake, very fascinating,

this woman.

I mean, the first time I saw her, she was--

I’m on this film, I’m hired,

it’s called Sulka’s Wedding, and I was supposed to do

a sex scene with this woman I was told about,

and she comes in, leather jacket,

New York, a punk.

I just immediately flashed to,

you know, too cool.

What is a woman like this doing in a business like this?

I was cast as a little surfer girl,

and she was cast as the hard, older woman sort of type,

and, which is, you know, a perfect situation for me.

The set was--it was a movie with transsexuals,

and we were the only two real women.

I was buying a pair of underwear

in a lingerie shop, and she was the saleswoman,

and as I was trying them on, she came in the dressing room,

and, um, seduced me, and we made love,

and then the owner of the shop came in and, you know,

there was his ugly wife, who was a production manager.

It was a crazy scene.