Shrek the Third

Onward, Chauncey!

To the highest room of the tallest tower

where my princess awaits rescue from her handsome Prince Charming!

(DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING ON GRAMOPHONE)

This is worse than Love Letters. I hate dinner theater!

Me, too.

Whoa there, Chauncey!

Hark!

The brave Prince Charming approacheth.

Fear not, fair maiden.

I shall slay the monster that guards you,

and then take my place as rightful king.

What did she say?

It's Shrek!

Whoo, Shrek, yeah!

Prepare, foul beast, to enter into a world of pain

with which you are not familiar!

Happy birthday to thee Happy birthday to thee

Do you mind?

Do you mind? Boring!

Prepare, foul beast...

Someday you'll be sorry.

We already are!

Mommy...

You're right. I can't let this happen.

I can't!

I am the rightful king of Far Far Away.

And I promise you this, Mother,

I will restore dignity to my throne.

And this time,

no one will stand in my way.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Morning breath.

I know. Isn't it wonderful?

Good morning, good morning

The sun is shining through

Good morning, good morning, to you

And you! And you!

They grow up so fast.

Not fast enough.

Okay, you have a very full day filling in for the King and Queen.

There are several functions that require your attendance, sir.

Great! Let's get started.

Come on, lazybones. It's time to get moving!

You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies.

I got some sleep and I needed it

Not a lot, just a little bit

Someone's always trying to keep me from it

It's a crying shame

It's a royal pain in the neck

I knight thee.

Ooh.

Since you're filling in for one, you might as well look like a real king.

Can somebody come in here and work on Shrek, please?

I will see what I can do.

Ow!

Whoa!

Yeah, wow.

Is this really necessary?

Quite necessary, Fiona.

- I'm Shrek, you twit. - Whatever.

Okay, peoples, this isn't a rehearsal. Let's see some hustle!

Smiles, everyone! Smiles!

I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, Fiona.

I'm sorry, Shrek, but can you please just try to grin and bear it?

It's just until Dad gets better.

- Shrek? - Yeah?

You look handsome.

Come here, you.

My butt is itching up a storm,

and I can't reach it in this monkey suit.

Hey, you! Come here. What's your name?

Fiddlesworth, sir.

Perfect.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Princess Fiona and Sir Shrek!

You've got it. A little over to the left. Yeah.

That's it! That's good.

- Oh, yeah! Scratch that thing! - Shrek.

You got it. You're on it.

Shrek!

- My eye! My eye! - What are you doing?

Fiona!

- Are you okay? - Yeah. I'm fine.

Shrimp! My favorite!

- That's it! We're leaving! - Please, calm down.

Calm down?

Who do you think we're kidding? I am an ogre.

I'm not cut out for this, Fiona, and I never will be.

I think that went pretty well.

Donkey!

Come on now, Shrek!

Some people just don't understand boundaries.

Just think.

A couple more days, and we'll be back home

in our vermin-filled shack strewn with fungus,

filled with the stench of mud and neglect.

Oh, you had me at "vermin-filled."

And maybe even the pitter-patter of little feet on the floor.

That's right. The swamp rats will be spawning.

No.

What I was thinking of is a little bit bigger than a swamp rat.

- Donkey? - No, Shrek.

- What if, theoretically... - Yeah.

...they were little ogre feet?

Honey, let's try and be rational about this.

Have you seen a baby lately?

They just eat and poop, and they cry,

and then they cry when they poop, and they poop when they cry.

Now, imagine an ogre baby.

They extra-cry, and they extra-poop.

Shrek, don't you ever think about having a family?

Right now, you're my family.

Well, somebody better be dying.

I'm dying.

Harold?

Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian.

Of course, darling.

Fiona.

Yes, Daddy?

I know I've made many mistakes with you.

It's okay.

But your love for Shrek has

taught me so much.

My dear boy,

I am proud to call you my son.

And I'm proud to call you my frog...

King dad-in-law.

Now there is a matter of business to attend to.

The Frog King is dead.

Put your hat back on, fool.

Shrek,

please come hither.

Yeah, Dad?

This kingdom needs a new king.

You and Fiona are next in line for the throne.

Next in line.

Now, you see, Dad, that's why people love you.

Even on your deathbed, you're still making jokes.

Come on, Dad. An ogre as king?

I don't think that's such a good idea.

I mean, there's gotta be somebody else.

Anybody!

Aside from you, there is only one remaining heir.

Really? Who is he, Dad?

His name is...

Is...

What's his name? What's his name?

Is...

Daddy!

His name is Arthur.

Arthur?

I know you'll do what's right.

Harold?

Dad? Dad!

Dad?

Do your thing, man.

(SINGING) When you were young and your heart

Was an open book

You used to say live and let live

You know you did, you know you did You know you did

But if this ever changing world In which we're living

Makes you give in and cry

Say live and let die

Live and let die

Hey, lady You, lady