Another Kind of Wedding

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Hello! Ah, wait. All right.

Let me get the earplugs!

Where is that video button thing?

Oh there! I see you!

Oh, Matthew, darling? How is Berlin? Hm?

What?!

When?! Where?!

Matthew!

Oh! Oh! Wait! Wait! Wait! You heard her clearly?

You sure that she said "yes".

Oh, darling, that is wonderful!

- I love this house. - Yeah, ditto.

It's in great shape too. Here.

Oh.

Jesus Christ! Mom!

That's a leak.

Looks minor though.

Mom!

- Mom! - Agh!

Why aren't you ready yet?

The alarm didn't go off.

Oh, fuck... it did.

Cibby came over last night and we had couple pisco sours

and random daiquiri and...

John, would you stop that fucking racket!

You told me to be here, Barbara!

Carry on!

- How was your trip? - Oh, wonderful!

Yeah. I love Vietnam,

oh, I could live in a hut

and sit there and read for the rest of my life.

You're tanned.

You're white, you need get some sun.

No I don't actually. My melatonin and Vitamin D levels

are exactly where I want them to be.

Is that-is that freshly squeezed orange juice?

Oh, we have to remember to pick up my date.

Wait a sec, you're bringing a date?

Since when? Who is she?

He... a former colleague, teaches ecology and math.

Very, very well I might add.

So, you're still renting your room to Q, I guess?

- He's the bike courier. - Right.

Indeed I am.

Oh, he got hit by a car yesterday.

He got a concussion, he's okay,

just a little confused, keeps calling me Ronald.

Well, I'm, I'm very sorry to hear that but...

don't you think he could give you back your room

- while you're in town? - That sounds fair, Ronald.

He's paying for it! It's his.

That's what renting the fucking thing means, dear!

Oh!

John, stop that fucking racket!

You told me to be here, Barbara!

Oh, hey Q, how are you?

Pretty good, pretty good.

Well, I got hit by a car yesterday.

Oh yeah, I heard.

Have you seen Ronald?

No, that is... that's not anybody.

There is nobody who lives here whose name is Ronald.

Well, I gotta get to work.

- Have a good day, Q. - You too.

Ugh! I hate that painting.

It makes me want to barf.

- Uh... I'm sorry, who are you? - I live here.

For the moment anyway, cuz it's cheap as fuck.

Yeah. I'm looking for my brother,

do you know where he is?

- Hi bro. - Not your bro.

Why aren't you ready?

- Hm. - Oh, that's gross, dude.

Magda, Carrie. Carrie is my sister.

She's... excuse me...

charming and beautiful and she's a yoga instructor.

Oh, she uh, she did that painting too.

Yeah, I did.

I'll be right down. Yeah... turn the washing machine on,

there is lots of people in the house.

Oh, God.

Hiya!

This is a home invasion, hit the ground!

Take whatever you want.

The only valuable thing here is me.

Ugh!

I like your confidence.

Oh, my back!

Oh, honey. There is my, baby?

Oh, Barb! It's so great to see you.

- How was South East Asia? - Oh, it was marvelous!

I went to something called a "full moon party".

I don't remember much of it. Let's go.

How is your acting going, Kurt?

Good. Yeah.

I'm in the mix for a recurring on "CSI".

What? That's amazing! I'm so proud of you, man.

- Ha. - You're a great actor, man.

When have you-when have you ever seen me act?

In the play. About that thing.

Yeah.

You notice how mom says "oh" all the time?

Like, she applies it to every emotion.

Like happy: Oh!

Sad: Like Ooooh!

Surprised: OOOOOHHH!

Has she been singing?

Only in the shower?

Do you think she's a little too old to do all this traveling?

I think it's cool.

It's not like she's staying in youth hostels.

I'd fact check that.

This is how people react when they're in a crisis.

She can't be home because that would mean facing her reality.

OOOHHH Misha!

Open the back, please!

...so when Daria gets back from Russia

she'll take the solarium, I'll move to the couch.

- OH! - What the fuck was that?!

- I'm okay! Totally fine! - You okay Q?

It's part of the job!

Can we talk about the Eastern European child

- living in my bedroom? - Oh, Magda, isn't she lovely?

So you don't mind that Kurt's fucking her?

- Ohhhh, my! - He is?

Well, it's none of my business

but if you want an honest opinion,

Screwing a 21-year-old is symptomatic of Kurt

not taking himself seriously.

Then it is your business.

Oh, definitely.

Well, it's my childhood bedroom, okay?

And it's disgusting.

But it's not your room anymore.

We packed up your Judy Blume books

and your failed math exams.

Oh, you sucked in match. That's so cute.

I think Q found your vibrators.

He might be using them.

The least you could do is mail them to me.

- Oh! - Vibrators? Nice.

- Very nice! - Okay.

- There we go. - Fuck me.

- Well, that's great. - Okay.

- Oh God! - We're parked.

- Everybody good... - Yeah.

- ...emotionally? - Yep.

400 and 25 fucking dollars a night, for this place?

Yo Dude. Dude. Recognize this t-shirt?

No, should I?

It's Levi's.

Car-Carrie's Levi, her ex-boyfriend?

Levi's the shit, man.

His music is so fucking dope.

You must be really excited to meet him, then?

Wore my favorite shirt, didn't I?

Hey, there's the world traveler!

Oh! Come here!

- Oh! - You okay?

I just, I just love you so much.

I love you, too.

You look beautiful, mom.

So much love, big brother! So much love!

- Mwah! - Wouldn't miss it.

This must be Misha, nice to... hug you!

It's an honor.

Okay.

You feel like her brother.

This stoned little chap here, is my date, Albert.

- Hi. - And last but not least,

the man who will screw any boarder,

no matter the country of origin,

your brother... Kurt!

Oh...

"Um, siblings, they resemble us just enough

to make all their differences confusing,

and no matter what we choose to make of this,

we are cast in relation to them,

our whole lives long" Susan Scarfe Merrell.

Who writes for I don't care magazine.

- That's not funny. - You look like shit.

You too.

You skinny piece of shit.

Mwah!

Okay, let's go inside. Let's get you warm, ma.

So do you two have separate rooms, or...?

Separate beds.

Pretty much the same thing.

- Is it? - Hi.

- You look amazing! Hi. - Hi.

I'm so nervous.

Baby! Hi! How are you?

Good. Good.

- Love you. I miss you. - Okay.

Needless to say, um, I know this is...

- will you make sure mom's okay? - I knew it was coming.

Waaa, it's my wedding.

Move those stems, Albert!

I'm moving them.