HAPPYish

Thom: Do you know this play?

"Death of a Salesman" by Arthur Miller.

The most depressing three hours you'll ever spend in a theater.

Miserable guy in a miserable job kills himself.

The miserable end. Thanks, Arthur. Thank you.

Thanks for reminding me all comes to shit, because I didn't know that.

Thoughts of tragedy don't occupy my mind 24 hours a day.

You want tragedy? I can write you tragedy.

Tragedy is easy. Make me forget it's all a tragedy.

Make me laugh at the misery. Then you deserve an award.

Ooh, Arthur Miller. Fuck you, Arthur Miller!

Thom: So I'm on the train

and this jackass next to me is reading the "Times."

- "The New York Times"? - Yeah, the fucking "New York Times."

- And how does that make him a jackass? - 'Cause he's reading the news.

- News is for suckers. - Yeah, because this jackass

thinks he needs to know about Syria.

So now I'm looking over his shoulder.

Now I think I need to know about Syria

and it fucks up my whole day 'cause I'm trying to solve it and fix it.

So information makes you a sucker?

It's not information. It's distraction.

I'm so glad I rented that barn.

Just needed to get away from this world.

- To the barn. - To the barn.

That's exactly why I became a Buddhist.

- Ahem, wait. A Buddhist? - A Buddhist.

- Since when are you a Buddhist? - Since when? Since fuck you, how about that?

If you're a Buddhist, you're the angriest Buddhist in the world.

Good for you, Barry. Self-improvement. I admire it.

- Thank you. - Yes, exactly.

Oh, come... why is religion

automatically self-improvement?

Why is it not a decline?

Maybe it's failure. Maybe it's surrender.

Well, you obviously don't know shit about Buddhism.

- You're a very angry Buddhist, Barry. - I'm not angry, shithead.

- I'm present. - Well, you're here.

I'm present. I'm more present than you, asshole, okay?

I'm present like a motherfucker.

Okay? Listen, I'm a lawyer for the family court.

I mean, I left a city job, followed my dream,

tried to be some sort of hero, and it's what?

It's one failure at life and love after the next one.

And my job barely makes a dent.

I mean, at this point it's either Buddhism or heroin.

Acceptance of misery. Life is endless suffering.

Maybe I should become a Buddhist.

Hey, Buddhists don't fuck around, okay? Buddhists call bullshit.

And let's face it, life is fucking bullshit.

So it's kind of like organized misery.

Well, it's better than disorganized misery.

Barry: Let me tell you something, adman.

That's Buddhism's tagline... "Fuck it."

- "Buddhism: Fuck it." - (Laughing)

I mean, it's all a pile of shit anyway.

I didn't know Buddhism had a tagline.

Well, you heard it from me.

Christianity doesn't have a tagline.

Sure, it does. "You fucked up."

"Christianity: You fucked up."

Jews, it's just, "We're fucked."

Well, that's what you get for killing Jesus.

Thom: A strange thing happens when you hit your 40s.

_

Things start falling apart.

_

Suddenly everyone is splitting up.

_

They're dropping dead.

_

And so you start to think about death...

_

and how you're spending your life.

_

And if you're spending it well or...

_

just spending it.

_

There's a famous Buddhist, Thich Nhat Hanh,

and he says you shouldn't worry about death.

He says, "Clouds don't worry about becoming rain."

But clouds don't have kids, Thich.

Clouds don't have to worry about burying their cloud kids

or their cloud kids burying them.

You know who else doesn't have kids?

Thich Nhat fucking Hanh.

Julius: Dad?

Hey, buddy.

We didn't do hugs.

I thought you were sleeping, you lunatic.

- What are you doing up? - Come up.

- I'm so late, buddy. - But it's so early.

Not early enough. Time to make the doughnuts.

You're making doughnuts?

- (Engine starts) - Just a joke.

Oh.

But we didn't do hugs!

I'm so late. Extra hugs later, okay?

- Okay. - Okay. Love you!

- Love you! - Love you, buddy!

Love you, Dad!

Love you, Dada!

- (Bell rings) - Woman: Yeah, sure.

- (train squeals) - (Thom sighs)

He dies in the end.

Comes back, though.

Oh.

Oh.

Motherfuck!

- (thuds, wheels screeching) - Woman: Whoa!

I swear to God, it's like they know when I'm wearing a new outfit.

Or when I have an early meeting.

That's weird. The train stopped just outside the station.

Mm, nothing weird about these trains anymore.

- (Train hisses) - (All groan)

- Oh, God. - (Murmuring)

- Marvelous. - Fuck.

Every fucking day.

And then they charge you an arm and a leg.

Marvelous.

- (shuts music off) - (Knocking continues)

Hey.

Walter, hi. Come in.

- Hi, Lee. - Come in, it's freezing.

- (Whimpering) - Hi, Munchkin.

I just wanted to make sure

everything's okay on your first day.

- Oh, it's perfect. - I don't want to disturb your work.

No, not at all.

It's a bit cold with the heater out.

I called the gas company...

Oh, it's fine. It's fine.

- (Stammers) - No, I could not be happier.

- Do you want some tea? - Sure.

I mean, honestly, I could not love this place any more.

It's just... it's exactly what I needed.

You know? Just to get away.

No Wi-Fi, no cell, just away.

You know, this is kind of exactly why we moved to Woodstock

in the first place, you know?

Just to get away from people, from noise,

from all that suffocating culture, you know?

"Must see this," "must buy that."

You know, movies,

television, news.

You know?

All those prying eyes.

So...

- Here you go. - Uh...

well, it's a special place.

This used to be your studio?

Are you from New York?

Uh, Long Island.

- You know... - Oh.

Jewish self-loathing, Holocaust,

theological ambivalence, disappointment to my mother... the whole shebang.

Mm.

Mm, well, you know what, Walter?

I think... I only have a couple more hours, so I think I'm...

I should... I think I'm just gonna get back to work.

But thank you so much for stopping.

I lost most of my family in the camps.

Oh, my gosh. Uh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to...

The death camps.

Right.

Yeah, in Poland.

Oh, f... yeah, of course.

Well, who didn't back then, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Eh, life goes on.

Life goes on. Life... life goes on.

- Ah. - Not for my parents, though.

No.

My mother died in Auschwitz in the gas chambers.

Ah, uh-huh.

My father didn't, though.

- No? - No, no.

The typhoid. Bergen-Belsen.

Oh, right. Oh, yeah.

My sister... I mean, my oldest sister, Ruth.

She was in the resistance.

Oh, wow. Good for her.

- Good for her. - Not for long, though.

No?

The Nazis found them about a week after she joined.

- I see. - Shot her in the back of the head.