YOU (You)

Everyone just calls me Beck. And you're...

- Joe? - Goldberg.

A guy needs to protect himself,

and your name was a glorious place to start.

The next thing our little friend the internet gave me

was your address.

Maybe we could get a drink sometime?

Sure.

Hey, let me up.

You make me insane.

Beck, who is this?

Benjamin J. Ashby. Greenwich born,

boarding school bred.

- After you. - All right.

Man, I'm thinkin' maybe...

Do not tell me that you're doing this

because of Beck!

I'm very scared of what you would do to her.

She show you her ladle? She's got this red kitchen ladle.

It's a whole "call you Daddy, spank me" thing.

Benji, I'd love your help.

Unfortunately, I know you're a pathological liar.

I just knew Benji was the worst kind of poison,

so I did what I had to do to help you.

Joe It's been three days...

Since our first kiss,

and I have to say... things are looking

pretty good for us post-Benji.

If you could only watch one movie

for the rest of your life, what would it be?

"Beverly Hills Cop."

- Really? - Yeah. Dead serious.

Okay... I'll bite. Enlighten me.

Well, it's funny, but the danger...

feels very real.

It checks all the boxes.

What's yours? What's your forever movie?

I'd have to go with...

"Pretty In Pink."

Invisible townie girl swept off her feet

by the one guy who really sees her.

A little on the nose, Beck.

I love that movie.

I'll be that guy, the one who sees you.

You deserve that, after Benji.

So...

your... old girlfriend,

the girl at Peach's party was talking about...

Candace, is it? It's customary...

the inventory of past heartbreak.

- Do I wanna know? - But Candace...

I'm not sure how to tell you about her yet.

It's too soon, Beck.

I mean, I'm an open book, but it'sit's the old story.

Just... thinking you're right for someone...

and you're not.

I got about a dozen of those.

Maybe sometime over a drink.

Or ten.

- Yep. - Ten?

Ten. Ten...

Give or take.

I want to come in, I do.

But I'm gonna make us wait.

You're worth waiting for. Besides...

Bye.

Right now, I have something

rather pressing to deal with.

Nothing sweeter than townie pie.

MuffinGrabNGo.

Beck Grab N Go? Really?

Townie Pie? What the...

You're dead to me, Benji. Dead.

Joe You're finally moving on.

And now that you've dealt with Benji,

it's time for me to do the same.

How exactly does one get rid of a body?

I can't just Google this kind of thing

without creating a pretty damning evidence trail.

So I turn to those I trust most for tips...

King, Carr, Franzen, Flynn.

Fun fact Spatchcocking a chicken

and dismembering a human

involve the same six essential steps.

Not sure I'm down for that.

Little intense. But...

I think I finally have a plan for Benji.

Hey, Joe, I didn't know you were up there.

Do you mind if I play some, Enrique Iglesias?

I'm trying to bone up on my Spanish.

These are officially the darkest days...

Sounds great. In the history of the world.

I mean, I can pick something else.

I got a ton of playlists on here.

I got rock music, club music, jazz music.

I wonder if he's a virgin. Stick with the Iglesias.

I'm just gonna be in the basement working on some books.

I don't wanna be disturbed.

- All right? - No problem.

Thanks, Joe!

Here's what I know.

There can be no dead Benji for you to mourn.

He needs to disappear.

Already handled the optics on social media...

Portrait of a dude hard partying his way off the grid.

As for the body...

Cremation seems expedient.

This will require chemicals,

a steady blaze, and absolutely no dental records.

Bluuh...

It looks like

I'm gonna need to slow the biological roll on Benji.

It's about temperature, and it's about humidity.

And dropping the temp this low puts the books at risk...

Dry, brittle, lost forever.

My humidifiers won't let that happen.

Gertrude Stein is dead.

She's not coming back to sign books.

Hopefully, this holds him until I can man up

and do the deed.

- Come in. - Hi... there.

I'm... Guinevere Beck.

I'm your new MFA transfer.

Professor Leahy and I agreed, that it would be bet...

Sorry.

Um, I'm looking for Professor Mott?

Beck, is it?

- Yes, hi. - Blythe.

I heard you were joining us.

- Yeah. - We meet here for workshop

on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Mott's no Leahy, though, so bring your A game.

I intend to.

You know, I actually... I read one of your essays

in the "Review" last month,

and it was so illuminating. I tweeted it.

Social Media. It's like the next great genocide.

- Jersey, right? - Sorry?

It's where you're from?

No, I'm, I'm from Nantucket.

Interesting.

- Where are you from? - Such a tough question.

Um... I was born in Papua New Guinea,

but my dad worked for the State Department,

so we moved around a lot.

Actually separated from my parents at one point.

Did some modeling in Tokyo.

My hair is super-unique there.

I'm sorry, it's my grandparents.

I'll see you in class, okay?

- Okay. - Okay.

Hey...

Yeah.

And then she walked away,

and I melted into the earth.

Sounds like a pretentious bitch, if you ask me.

No. Blythe's amazing.

She wrote this piece about how she and her mother

got bulimia together while in Italy, and she was 12!

- Chic. - What the...

Is that a nose? It's a dick pic, Annika.

So what? It's just zoomed in.

- No! - Why's it against shag carpet?

- I don't know. - Perspective?

I don't get it.

I mean, why do men think disembodied members

equal foreplay? You know, they're not

aesthetically pleasing. Ooh! I disagree.

I have over 200 saved on my phone

organized by category. It's my Guggenheim.

Fat bats.

Boomerangs.

Banana boats.

Late bloomers.

And Jewish guys.

More power to 'em, but your friends

kinda treat sex like it means nothing.

Till she sees his junk in zoom!

But you're different, aren't you?

Honestly, I see her point.

I hooked up with some guy last night.

Knee deep in before I realized he's uncircumcised.

- Ooh! - It kind of looked like...

I don't know, a... hoodie? Whoa!

Bookstore clerk has a turtleneck?

Bookstore manager, but, no, not Joe.

Some guy from Tinder. Just a little down and dirty.

- You know? - Wow!

Joe is still a maybe.

A maybe? I'm a maybe?

And you're still screwing other guys?

Beck! How did I miss this?

How did I read this so completely wrong?

Look, if you wanna bone Benji outta your system,

more power to you.

I just wanna make sure that you're respecting yourself.

Look, I'm just saying...

are you being your most amazing self right now?

I mean, this is... this is my process.

It's like a Benji exorcism.