Torrente 4: Lethal crisis

The final guests are arriving for

what promises to be "The Wedding of the Year"

The bride, Melanie Rocamora,

daughter and heiress to Roman Rocamora,

a virtual dynasty

My family's musical too

sister plays the violin

and Dad sticks it in.

"Sticks it in",

Solis

Yes, sir.

Why does he look like that?

Uh sir,

Torrente said he'd wear his Sunday best.

Well, I've seen shit dress up better than your friend there.

Not big on classical?

Classical is "The Candy Man", this sucks.

- Back to France! - I'm Bulgarian.

What, you want pity?

Hey what's this?

A spread of mousse, nuts and cream of foi

with crispy licorice, sir.

How stuck-up is that?

What no Tootsie rolls, pork rinds, chips?

This wedding blows.

Where did you dig up this slimeball?

Don't let him fool you, Oswaldo, Mr.Torrente

-is highly recommended. - Yeah, by you.

Whaddaya got?

McCallan or Cardhu.

Here we go store brands

Serve me a bit of both.

Jerk.

An officer with prestige, years of service on the force,

and, most vital

lots of poise.

What a work of art

I don't know who I like more: grandma or granddaughter.

You're amazing, madam for your age, that is.

Were it not for the huge respect I have for you

and because I'm personally in charge of wedding security,

I'd do you a favor right here and now.

You are a crude man.

Enough or I call security

What are you saying? I am security, ha ha.

Who could you be safer with than yours truly, ma'am?

Your granddaughter has your lashes, your nose...

...and your my God, what nipples! They resemble a pair of missles.

Come here! Tell him to go the fuck home,

hide him wherever,

but if I see him here again,

you'll both be out on the street.

- Understand? - Understood, Oswaldo.

Right away.

Hey! This isn't a whorehouse.

Sorry, I have work.

- Not so fast. - Let me be.

Let's see ooh, laughing powder

- I'm security. - What?

I have no choice but to report this regrettable incident.

Oh, please, don't tell my father!

Sorry, but it's my job.

Please!

Well, perhaps I could...

...look the other way.

Fabulous wedding for your daughter, Rocamora.

A kid only yesterday.

Don't let it dry up.

Give it some spit, let it slide, let that baby slide, yeah.

Regarding those matters, I hope we don't end up angry with each other.

No I won't get angry,

I'll just cover my back and defend what’s mine.

Hey, you bit the head with one of your teeth

Swallow, use some technique, try the Peter Pan move.

Deep, ring that bell.

Like Greek yogurt, eh?

It's Spanish goat cheese.

Cream rises!

Uh, Torrente!

C'mon in, there's plenty more!

Where you going I was half done!

Man, why didn’t you get some?

José Luis, you're gonna get me in deep shit,

they'll fire me, and with the crisis and all

I can't allow it, José Luis.

Look, kid, you're offending me.

I only took a second to be human with the girl,

doesn’t mean I wasn't doing my job,

or wasn't on full alert.

I'm in total control shit!

What were you guys doing when I walked in? It was the

Peter Pan move ...?

Nothing gets by you.

Shh I think the curtain just moved.

Look, Torrente, look what we have here!

This'll make 'em happy.

A "par-apache". Hand over the roll, now!

What roll? This camera's digital.

What digital? You think I'm stupid?

The roll or you're mush.

OK, alright, here it is.

You shitting me?

Not the battery.

Jerk your mom off.

No, no, José Luis, the pictures are inside.

- I had a vision. - What did you see?

- it's only for you - Yesss!

Nothing and no one will ruin this wedding.

Paparazzi, paparazzi paparazzi!

José Luis!

Prick! Watch him, he's slippery. Outta here!

Get him, José Luis!

Back here, you twit!

Torrente, you're screwing things up!

Get outta here!

You're making things worse.

You're creating a scene. Come back, for Chrissake!

Come here! It's security!

Security!

Security!

It's a paparazzi!

- There, good, good! - José Luis!

Don José Luis!

Daddyyyyy!

Lethal Crisis

Since you passed on, things aren’t the same, Fary.

Spain has gone to the dogs.

The whole world is on the fritz.

Queers can get married now,

the Socialists have flushed Spain down the tubes,

and in the White House,

there's a jungle bunny,

but not a cleaning man, no he's the president!

It's like a joke.

What's next, a broad?

Yeah, I know we won the World Cup last year,

but that doesn’t count.

Most of the players were barely Spanish.

What do you think?

Never mind.

Your spirit and music will always be with us.

Damn!

Looks like I gotta take a dump, Fary.

Some timing, huh? Sorry, Fary.

At your service or should I say mine.

You see: the dead get flowers and the flowers get fertilizer.

Shame on you! Have you nothing to say?

Have a Kleenex handy?

OK, ifs the flowers then.

Hey, cutie!

When's the next meal?

Two o'clock.

Torrente long time no see!

Hey, Cuadraclo, what are you doing around here?

Trying to get by, as you can see,

like everybody else.

I'm in such a slump, if you only knew.

No need to say anything, it's pretty obvious.

Here, I'll get you in.

Give me a break, that's all I need.

Think I need charity or welfare?

Sorry didn’t mean anything.

Some of us still have class

not hard-up like this rabble.

Hardly any meat left, used to be better.

All these people like after the civil war.

Damn, kid, beat it! What are you doing here anyway?

Get the tuck outta here!

I was here first.

No manners, no nothing.

Roasted pork, with the skin still on it too.

People leave the best,

then they cry poverty.

Kids, didn't I tell you to scram!

What uh, would you like some?

I was wrapping up here, I'll pass on dessert.

Serve yourself, boys enjoy!

Hey, Blondie!

Jules, you're better every day.

Hey, girls!

I'm working.

- Who, me? - Come here a sec.

Hey, what's your name?

My name is Rin-Rin,

well, my real name is Julito,

but my dad sold alarm clocks,

so the kids re-named me.

That's a good one.

Uh could you spare a couple of euros for the booths?

- I left my wallet home. - Uh, no!

Know who I am?

Not really.

Of course not. I'm Torrente.

José Luis Torrente.

Here, keep it.

Have you heard about Operation Woxter Asia?

- Later Woxter Hong Kong. - No.

I directed it entirely, the whole shebang.

Go ahead and ask around the hood! I even got a medal.

I was Number 1 on the force for ages.