South Park

Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!

- - Hello, Mr. Garrison.

I'm Dr. Biber.

I'll be performing your surgery today.

God bless you, Doctor.

I know you'll make me well again.

Now, you're absolutely sure you want to have a vaginoplasty?

My whole life, I've been a woman trapped in a man's body.

A sex-change operation is my last chance at happiness.

All right. Then let's begin.

Just relax, Mr. Garrison.

I think if more people could just see a sex-change operation,

they would know how perfectly natural it is.

The first thing I'm going to do is slice your balls.

With the scrotum open, I can now discard of your testicles.

So long, balls.

Now I'll just continue the incision

up the shaft of the penis.

Oh, that stings.

Now I'll just turn your penis inside out.

Whoa. Oh, geez.

All we need to do now is stuff the unskinned penis

inside your pelvis.

And now I'll use the skin from your penis

to make the vaginal lips.

Do I look like a woman?

Pretty much.

Dude, don't be nervous.

How can I not be nervous?

Trying out for the all-state team

has been my dream for years.

You're the best player at our school.

You'll make the team for sure.

This is ridiculous. Jews can't play basketball.

I beat out your fat ass, Cartman!

All students trying out for the all-state team to center court!

Good luck.

Hi, boys.

Now, you're all here because you're the best of the best.

I know that you've all worked really hard to make it this far.

Now let's get out there and show me what you got!

Uh, excuse me. B-Broflovski, is it?

Yeah?

Can we talk to you for a minute?

You, uh, you're the best player in your school, are you?

Yep! I love basketball.

I want to play for the Denver Nuggets someday!

Yeah. Uh, look, kid.

You've got great skills and a great attitude,

but you're just not physically built for the game.

What do you mean?

Well, it's just that... Jews can't play basketball.

- - All right, kids!

We got to work on that shooting! Come on!

Dude, you were awesome, Kyle.

Look, y-you gave it your best shot, right?

That's all you could do.

Kyle, I'm totally ripping on you at a totally inappropriate time.

I know. I deserve it.

Yeah. You know why?

Because Jews can't play basketball!

You're right.

Jesus. That's no fun.

Hey, everybody, you're not gonna believe it!

Believe what?

It's Mr. Garrison! O-Only it isn't Mr. Garrison!

H-He's a woman now!

Hello, everybody!

Can you believe it, ladies? I'm one of you now!

Wow! Just look at all these tampons!

Regular, heavy flow.

Oh, boy! I can't wait till I get my first period!

Hi, gals!

Oh, boy. Can you believe the sales they're having out there?

Well, I'm about to pee out my vagina for the first time.

Give us a hug! Girls club!

All right. Here it goes.

Oh, wow! This is great! Look at that!

I'm peeing sitting down like a dainty, dignified little woman!

Say, any of you ladies want to go see a sad movie together?

You guys try those new Wings tampons?

Do those work well?

Kyle, you have to cheer up, dude.

So you aren't built right for basketball.

But I feel like a basketball player.

It's all I want to do!

Hello, boys!

It's me, your teacher, Mrs. Garrison!

You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties.

I had a sex-change operation.

My penis is now a vagina,

and I'm experiencing womanhood for the first time in my life!

See you in class!

Mom, Dad, what's a sex-change operation?

What? Uh, n-nothing.

I'll explain it to you when you're a little older.

But our teacher, Mr. Garrison...

He just had his penis made into a vagina.

- How come? - Penis!

Your teacher had a sex change?! Oh, my God!

Vagina!

That does it. I'm taking you boys out of that school!

Gerald, that is very close-minded of you.

You shouldn't judge people who want to change.

He's a teacher!

How are we supposed to explain this to our children?

It's very simple.

You see, Kyle, sometimes a person's outside

doesn't reflect who they are on the inside.

Yeah! That's right!

They feel like they're somebody trapped

in another person's body.

And so they can have a surgery that makes them

more into the person they see themselves as.

Do you understand?

Totally! I totally understand!

There. You see, Gerald? He totally understands.

So, I hear you're interested in reconstructive surgery.

Yeah, my schoolteacher wanted to be a woman,

and you made him into one.

Oh, yes. Mr. Garrison.

Uh, yes. He had a vaginoplasty. Mm-hmm.

Well, do you also do other surgeries like that?

Sure. You see, sometimes a woman wants to be a man.

That procedure is called a peniplasty.

No, no. I want to be tall and black.

You what?

I hate being small and Jewish. I feel like a tall black man.

Oh, you want a negroplasty!

- Yeah! - A-A negroplasty?!

It's a fairly common procedure, really...

just the reverse of a caucasioplasty

just like Michael Jackson had.

Let's take a look here.

What we do is slice your face and peel it back

so we can insert new pigment-producing cells inside.

We break the arm bones in several places

and put bracers to make them longer.

Now, the knees we need to snap off

and fill with small, round objects

that can cause better movement.

And we finish it off with a nice peniplasty

to enhance the genitalia.

Negroplasty takes about seven hours and costs roughly $3,000.

Uh, excuse me. Is this really a good idea?

Well, it's a good idea if you want to be tall and black.

Otherwise, I wouldn't recommend it.

Hello, Mr. Slave!

Boy, have I been busy. A woman's work is never done.

I got some tampons.

I should be getting my period really soon.

Hope I don't get too emotional and drive you crazy with my PMS.

Mr. Slave, I got something for us, too.

Would you like to take this beautiful woman to bed?

No, thanks.

N-No, thanks?

Come on, Mr. Slave.

I want to try out my new snootch.

I can't believe you just went ahead and had that surgery

without even asking me what I thought.

Well, I assumed you supported me.

It's still me. I just have a vagina instead of a penis.

But I'm gay. I don't like vaginas.

Don't you even care that I was suffering?

I wasn't happy the way I was!

It's great that you feel better, but you never stopped to think

about how the people around you would feel!

Look, we can still be together.

All you have to do is stop being gay.

How can you say that?! You're gay, too!

I'm not gay! I'm a woman!

Oh! Jesus Christ!

Oh, so is that it?! You're just gonna walk out?

You men are all alike!

Go ahead and find somebody who doesn't have a vagina, you fag!

Mom! Dad! I have awesome news!

The doctor who gave Mr. Garrison a sex change

said he can make me tall and black!

What?!

Dr. Biber said he can give me a negroplasty

so I can finally look the way I've always wanted!

He even took my picture and then did computer imaging

to show what I would look like after the surgery!

Oh, just great. You see, Sheila?

This is what your transgender progressive thinking gets you!

Now your son wants to be transracial.

Can I have $3,000, Mom and Dad? Huh? Can I?

Absolutely not, Kyle!

But why not?

You said sometimes people need surgery

to feel better about themselves.

Yes, but, Kyle...

Well, all my life, I've felt that I was black.