The Solid Gold Cadillac

Ladies and gentlemen, in this country today...

more people are investing in the stock market than ever before.

I imagine some of you folks own stock in one company or another...

but for those of you who don't, I'd better explain a couple of things.

This building is owned by a very rich company...

called International Projects Limited.

This young lady is a typical stockholder...

on her way to attend the annual stockholders' meeting.

If the stockholders cannot attend in person, they can mail in their proxies...

designating the management or some other person to vote for them.

It is to the small stockholders, the backbone of American industry...

that this story is dedicated.

In a moment, you'll see how a typical stockholders' meeting operates.

The officers of the company are now entering the meeting room.

They are: Alfred Metcalfe, Vice President. I wouldn't trust him with a quarter.

Clifford Snell, Vice President and Treasurer. Him, I wouldn't trust with a dime.

This gentleman is the new head of the company, John T. Blessington.

President and Chairman of the Board. Him, not a nickel.

Warren Gillie, Vice President and Secretary.

This crook, even the other three don't trust.

And Edward L. McKeever, the founder of International Projects.

He's a very honest man.

In fact, he's so honest he doesn't even have to stop.

And, now, the meeting is about to begin.

Order, please. The meeting will come to order.

The annual meeting of the stockholders is hereby declared in session.

Friends, my first duty as your new chairman...

is a sad one.

I must bid goodbye to our former President and Chairman...

Edward L. McKeever.

As you know, the President of the United States...

has asked him to come to Washington where his brilliant talents will be employed...

by the Department of Defense.

In his 19 years as head of this company...

he has seen it grow until it now manufactures everything...

from pins to automobiles...

from a nail file to tractors and locomotives.

Edward L. McKeever. Ed.

We, of International Projects family...

have a little gift for you as a token of our appreciation.

It's this gold master key which opens every door...

in the International Projects building.

A symbol of the fact that you are always welcome to return.

Thank you very much.

It's we who should thank you.

Next, we will read the minutes of the last meeting.

I move we dispense with the reading.

- I second. - All in favor?

I have proxies here representing 1,400,000 shares of stock.

Speaking for these stockholders, I say, "Aye."

Any opposed?

We will dispense with the reading of the minutes.

And now the report of the man you're really waiting to hear from...

your Treasurer, Mr. Clifford Snell.

Thank you, Jack.

I guess I'm the fellow you either like or dislike...

depending upon the size of your dividend checks.

Let's see what we did last year.

You've all been given copies of our annual report.

Suppose we all sort of thumb through it together?

Now, here's Page 11 for example. Assets:

$10,101,792,891.72.

Now, I think that's pretty good, don't you?

Let's take a look at Page 32. That's a good page.

Inventory. Runs through right to Page 50.

And we have: Gross profits, net gains, salaries, interest charges...

dividend payments, accrued income, fixed income, amortization...

and Page 172,173,174,175...

all the way through to Page 190: Miscellany.

Well, folks, that's the story.

Thank you, Mr. Snell, for your intelligent analysis.

Will anyone move for the adoption of Mr. Snell's report?

- So moved. - I second.

It has been moved and seconded that the report be adopted.

If there are any questions, bring them up now.

I see there aren't any, so we'll vote.

- All in favor? - Proxies vote "Aye."

Any opposed?

The motion is...

Yes, madam?

My name isn't madam. It's miss. Miss Laura Partridge.

- Miss Partridge, do you have a question? - Yes, I do.

It says here that the salary for the Chairman of the Board...

will be $175,000 next year.

Yes. What is your question?

My question is, "Why?"

As Treasurer, would you like to answer that one?

Yes, indeed. Happy to oblige.

Could I hear the question again, please?

I don't want anybody to think I'm nosy...

but is it true that he's going to make $175,000 next year?

I mean, it just seems like such a lot of money.

I see.

In a company of this size that is not considered a large salary.

Not a large salary at all.

I believe that answers the question.

It certainly does.

Now, there is a motion...

I hate to be a pest, but what does the Chairman of the Board do?

I beg your pardon?

What do you do?

Well, as Chairman of the Board, I preside over the Board.

Oh, I see. Thank you very much.

I'm glad you're satisfied. We're always happy to...

How often do you do it?

I beg your pardon?

How often do you preside over the Board?

About four times a year, isn't it, Gillie?

Yes. Four times a year, plus the annual stockholders' meeting.

That's about 10 hours work.

Boy, talk about being overpaid.

One question, Miss Partridge. Are you a stockholder?

I certainly am.

I own 10 shares outright.

Certificate Number 18973635.

I was just asking, Miss Partridge, just asking.

- What about you? - Me?

It says here that you're going to earn...

$100,000.

You don't believe that I'm worth $100,000?

Not if we can get somebody for less.

I hardly think that is a matter...

Can just anybody make a motion?

- Yes. - Oh, good. Well...

I move that the salaries are too big.

It's not the proper form for a motion. But, if somebody seconds it...

Do I hear a second to Miss Partridge's motion?

I second it.

You cannot second your own motion.

Why not? I'm for it.

It's a matter of parliamentary law.

I don't know what they do in Parliament. I just think the salaries are too big.

- I don't think that you quite... - I'd like to say something.

Now, it's true that I've resigned from the company, I've sold all my stock.

I read about that in the paper.

But for a very good reason.

Sure. The Senate made you.

I sold my stock because I wanted no hint of favoritism...

connected with my work in Washington.

What I'd like you to know, ladies and gentlemen...

is that I have been associated with these gentlemen for many years...

and I can assure you they are worth every cent they're getting.

And if I may, I would like to move a vote of confidence...

Oh, no. You're out of order!

- I move that this move can't be moved. - Why not?

Because you're not a stockholder, so you're unparliamentary.

If you don't mind, I would like to...

Anyway, you're going to Washington.

You're not gonna be worrying about the company.

No matter where I may be, Miss Partridge, International Projects...

will always mean a great deal to me.

Then why didn't you pay attention to the meeting?

I watched you.

You didn't pay attention to anything but that sandwich you were eating.

You were gulping it down like an express train.

You're out of order.

If he keeps eating like that, he'll be out of order.

Jack.

Miss Partridge, we still have a lot of business to take care of.

I haven't finished about the salaries yet.

I don't think the directors should make so much money...

unless they happen to be movie directors, like Cecil B. DeMille.

And I think we all ought to get together...

and form a kind of stockholders' committee, or something, to look into...

This meeting is adjourned.

Ladies and gentlemen, this was not exactly a typical stockholders' meeting.

Well, honest Ed McKeever was off to Washington...

completely unaware that his trusted associates were...

Did I tell you they were crooks?

I'd like to repeat it.

Boy, are they crooks.

- Don't worry about a thing. - Jack, take my advice.

Ralph Riggs is the ideal man for that vacancy on the Board.

- Shrewd operator. - I intend to speak to him.

If there's anything else, you know where to find me.

- We'll call you. - Don't worry about a thing.

- Well, goodbye. - Goodbye.

- Have a good trip. - Goodbye.

Goodbye, Ed.

I'll meet you at the car.

Hello.

I almost didn't recognize you with your hat on.

- Yes. - Laura Partridge?

- From the meeting, remember? - Vividly.

It was a wonderful meeting, wasn't it?

Oh, yes, wonderful. Miss!

Oh, I hope you understand.

I didn't mean anything personal, about you and the sandwich.

I just thought it would be bad for you.

- Thanks. - Yes, sir?

Something you want?

Bicarbonate of soda.

I bet the government is paying you a terrific salary...

to get you to leave International Project.

As a matter of fact, I'm working for a dollar a year.

It's quite a cut, isn't it?

You know, this was my first stockholders' meeting.

- I didn't know it could be so exciting. - They usually aren't.

Why, what was different about this one?

- You. - What did I do?