Room 104

Listen, Daniel,

I'm gonna ask you to please stop texting and calling me.

I want you to understand I'm not angry anymore.

I'm not trying to punish you for what you did.

I understand you're having a hard time,

and I'm sorry for what happened to you,

but it's been 20 years.

I'll always love you.

I just... You're a child

and you're a broken person,

and I just don't think that I can be married to you anymore.

What's up?

Patrick?

Daniel.

What are you doing here?

Dude, I fucking live here.

Oh, dude, are you gonna eat that? They didn't have any food.

That thing? Yeah.

Shit.

Dude...

My God, what the fuck... What the fuck is wrong with you?

Oh, nothing.

- Nothing. - You're acting weird.

- You're acting weird. - Are you trippin'?

- No. - Are you?

- Where were you? - Dude, where do you think I was?

- Dude. - What?

I got 'em. Happy birthday, best friend-o!

Come on, man. Get 'em.

Fucking get 'em.

Dude, it's fucking Sound Garden, Melvins,

Screaming Trees, fucking Rage Against the Machine! - No way!

Dude!

Three!

I know it's a lot, but I really think it's gonna be worth it

'cause it's a fucking experience.

Let's just do it. Let's just go.

These are fucking crazy cheap.

But I think it's gonna be worth it.

No, but how are these so cheap?

Dude, they're 20 bucks, like, apiece.

No, I know, exactly. I'm... I'm just saying...

- Ah, shit. - What?

This concert.

It's gonna be sweet as fuck.

No, we... we are...

We already went to this concert.

What do you mean?

What's going on?

What?

What's going on with your fucking face?

What are you talking about?

Don't do that.

Don't do that!

...the horrific, the terrifying cat.

Could we have picked a more friendly guardian?

Fucking Rage Against the Machine.

Can you hear me?

Do you wanna hang out tonight?

And maybe give me some advice?

I'm just having a really hard time...

and I kind of need you right now.

Are you trying to sneak a peek right now, you fucking pervert?

Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

All right, here.

Don't go anywhere. Just get dressed, okay?

I need to talk to you about some stuff, so hurry up.

Patrick?

Patrick?

- Patrick? - What?

Oh, nothing. Sorry.

Um, I just thought maybe you left.

Ugh, dude, it smells like one of your bland-ass turkey farts in there still.

Shut up.

Get over here.

- Ta-da! - Oh, my God!

Trying to sell me some Amway shit right now?

No, but I need your advice.

Wow.

Are you gonna eat that?

Um, no.

You...

- Yay! - You sit.

You eat. Oop!

Thank you.

Um...

Diane, she knows about everything.

Fuck! Everything?

Everything, and it is fucked up

because I was... I was ready to break it off with Brenda.

Like, I was going to, but Diane...

Dude, I don't know... I don't know who Brenda is.

Brenda's my boss from work.

She brought me into the catalogues department, right?

You know, she hooked me up, even though she knew I lied about college.

- What did you lie about college? - I didn't graduate.

You didn't fucking graduate?!

- I didn't graduate, whatever! - You fucking dropped out?!

- Yeah. - You?

Yeah. Things happened that... whatever.

I dropped out, and we're not gonna...

Brenda and I got close, okay?

- That's what happened, all right? - Okay.

It was w... it was a natural thing that happened

and, you know, we slept together.

And after you have kids, that shit goes away,

so it was, like, kind of a big deal.

And honestly, Diane and I were having a horrible rough patch.

I mean, we haven't been good since Patrick was born, so.

Who's Patrick?

My first kid.

You know, my oldest kid?

You named your first kid after...

- After me? - Yeah!

Yeah, man! I... you know that.

I know, I just...

Yeah, so anyways, I thought we'd sleep together for a little bit

and then Diane and I would get over our rough patch or whatever,

but Diane and I just got worse.

You cannot smoke in here. It's a hotel room.

- Well, fucking... - And it's really fucked up

'cause I was gonna break it off with Brenda.

But Diane found out,

like, literally two weeks before she even told me.

She saw us at fucking Baskin-Robbins.

- Oh, shit! - Yeah, and that's the whole thing

is, like, I'm ready to fly straight and come home,

and now she won't even fucking talk to me.

She won't even answer my texts.

So, I'm glad you're here

because I don't know what to do.

So, you're asking my advice about this?

Yeah!

I mean, I need help.

I'm a little bit lost and I need your help.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know.

- But you know me. - What, dude?

I don't... - No, you know me better than anybody.

Dude, I know you.

I've never been married and I've never had these, like, affairs.

I'm fucking 21 years old, man.

How the fuck am I supposed to know about this shit?

I know, but didn't you used to

kind of mess around behind your girlfriends' backs