BoJack Horseman Christmas Special: Sabrina's Christmas Wish

Oh, I'm sorry, did I startle you with holiday cheer

and good will towards man?

No, I just had this terrible dream

that you were a person that existed

and that you were in my room for some reason.

And then I woke up and it was true.

Do you know what day it is?

Oh, shit, is it like our anniversary

of that one day that I forgot to tell you

how annoying you are?

No, that was July 14th.

You can remember it because it's also Bastille Day.

Christ, are you annoying.

BoJack, it's Christmas!

Well, don't get too excited.

I didn't get you shit.

Ha! Shows what you know.

When you were passed out, I used your credit card

to buy me this new hat.

Merry Christmas to me.

It looks exactly like your old hat.

Yeah, it's my favorite kind of hat. Thanks, buddy!

Okay, great, Christmas transaction complete.

Please leave now.

Or we could watch Sabrina's Christmas Wish .

Hard pass.

What? Come on, you love Horsin' Around .

Yeah, but I always skip the Christmas ones.

Because the themes of family and togetherness

are a chilling reminder of your own isolation?

No, but thank you for that.

Todd, special holiday episodes are always stupid.

Cynical cash grabs by greedy corporations

looking to squeeze a few extra Nielsen points

out of sentimental claptrap for mush-brained idiots

who'd rather spend their Christmas

watching a fake family on TV

than actually trying to have a conversation

with their own dumb families.

I like it when people on TV hug each other.

Oh, come on, buddy!

It's Christmas!

Fine, if it'll make you shut up,

I begrudgingly acquiesce

to a half-hour of shared holiday acknowledgment,

but only because I get a residual check

every time somebody watches one of them.

Hurray! Begrudging acquiescence!

Horsin' Around is filmed before a live studio audience.

Eggs sunny side up, just like you like 'em.

The hash has been thoroughly browned

and your pancakes have extra chocolate chips.

Any questions?

Just the one. Who are you and what have you done with Olivia?

Can't a sweet, young, lovable orphan

make breakfast for her favorite horse

without having ulterior motives?

You're right, I'm sorry, Olivia, this is very sweet.

And speaking of ulterior motives...

Well, I walked into that one.

That cute leather jacket I like is on sale at the galleria.

As always, all roads lead to a cute leather jacket.

I gotta say, I've never understood

the appeal of fashionable clothing.

Um, that's the understatement of the century.

Trends come and go,

but give me a pair of sensible winter socks,

and for years to come, I can keep my tootsies toasty.

Haven't you kids ever heard

that it's better to give than to receive?

Well, by that logic, isn't giving you the opportunity

to give me a leather jacket really the best gift of all?

Well, I've heard of a one jacket mind,

but this is ridiculous.

"One jacket mind"?

What the hell is a one jacket mind?

I just want to look good

when I'm on the back of Joey Saratoga's motorcycle.

Besides, I've never had a Christmas before

and I want to make sure this one's really special.

Hold on, you mean to tell me you've never had a Christmas

at the orphanage?

What's a Christ... mas?

What's a Christmas?

Only the most wonderful time of the year.

You hang up stockings, sing carols,

and wait up for Santa Claus.

What's a Santa Claus?

What's a Santa Claus?

Is there an echo in here?

Santa Claus is the best.

He's this jolly old fat man who lives up at the North Pole,

and every year he flies all over the world

leaving presents for all the good boys and girls.

We get presents just for being good?

That's too much, man.

That's my favorite line!

That's right, but you have to be really good

because Santa Claus is always watching.

Even when we go to the bathroom?

That's too much, man.

Yeah, she said it again!

This Santa Claus guy sounds like a real piece of work.

Yowza-yowza-bo-bowza!

You kids just wait,

this is gonna be the best Christmas you ever had.

So, better than no Christmas?

A thousand times better.

A thousand times zero is still zero.

Ethan, you want those winter socks?

Do I?

Then don't be such a wise guy over here, eh?

Is Mr. Liberatore in?

Look at you all business.

No, "Hello, Tracy.

Your hair looks nice, Tracy.

How's your mother, Tracy?"

Ah, sorry, Trace, I'm just trying to get ahead

so I don't have to work on Christmas this year.

Since when do you care about workin' on Christmas?

Are those little rug rats making you soft?

No way, I'm still the top earner at this firm.

I'll buzz Mr. Liberatore and let him know you're here.

I know he wanted to check your progress

on the Manzanita briefs.

Tracy, if you wanted to see my briefs,

all you had to do was ask.

Why, if I didn't know any better,

I'd say you were flirting with me.

Kiss her!

Mr. Liberatore is gonna make me come in on Christmas,

I can feel it.

You know, he has got to be the meanest,

snootiest, penny-pinchingest...

And he's right behind me, isn't he?

Actually, I'm listening over the intercom.

Oh!

I can't say I'm not disappointed.

Time was, I thought you were a go-getter.

Hey, I go, I get.

Ever since those orphans moved in,

you've become awfully distracted.

If you want to be made partner,

you'll have to show some initiative.

You know, Jacob Goldstein's coming in on Christmas.

Jacob Goldstein's Jewish!

He is?

The boys at the country club

are not gonna like that.

Anyway, you can spend Christmas morning

with your little tater tots,

but I want you in here by the afternoon.

Remember, this is your career we're talking about.

It's quiet.

Too quiet.

Go home, Goober!

For your information,

I was invited here personally

by The Horse himself to sprinkle a little holiday magic

into your dull, Gooberless lives.

Since when does Santa wear sunglasses?

I thought it was time old Saint Nick

got a bit of an update, you know what I'm sayin'?

Let me guess, instead of "Ho, Ho, Ho,"

it's "Yo, Yo, Yo."

And, uh, maybe later I could get you

under the mistletoe-toe-toe?

I've got three words for you Goober:

no, no, no.

Kiss her!

All right, Sabrina,

are you ready for the big surprise?

A tree inside the house?

Now I've seen everything.

And that's not all.

Look who came to visit.

Hey!

Go home, Goober.