The Pinchcliffe Grand Prix (Flåklypa Grand Prix)

There, that's good.

Luckily we've got ace photographer

Angus Snapforth to do our credits.

He works longitudinally-

developing his negatives

in Turkish-bath cabinet.

So this should be just the job for him.

And he has promised to make it snappy.

37 miles to the north, a bit east,

and then up a bit lies Pinchcliff.

A village perched

under the blue welkin --

with it's own steam-driven cheese

factory, a camping site, a local paper -

and it's own TV station.

Open to all the winds that blow, where

the sun rises above Lonetree Hill -

lives our cycle-repairer,

Theodore Rimspoke.

Must be awkward for a wretched cyclist

with a blow-out -

to have to wheel his mount all

this way to get our expert to fix it.

Doesn't look as if business

is very thriving, does it?

It's only our postman, old foot-slogging

Dan Hoofer, who makes his way there -

with the local rag and outstanding

bills. His greatcoat has diamond tread.

He's colour blind and

has been run over a couple of times -

walks with a list to port and plays

the big bass on festive occasions.

Not much more to say about Hoofer.

Cycle-repairer Rimspoke

is an independent sort of bloke.

More of an inventor than a businessman.

Famous for his ingenious designs, -

such as pedal-activated combined

shaving and raspberry-picking machine.

He uses a copying pencil, instant coffee

and his own patent telescopic ruler.

Sonny Duckworth is

the early bird personified.

Hatched out

in a weeping willow. A born optimist -

with muffler, felt slippers and

indifferent morals. As Sonny puts it:

The early worm gets the bird.

Difficulties he treats as trifles,

the impossible as a challenge.

He's Rimspoke's right-hand man,

counsellor, and friend.

Lambert is a night-owl with hay-fever,

a pillar of the rustic establishment.

Run over by a reaper and got a

crew-cut, short back, bushy by the ears.

Found under the roots of a knotted oak

and included as a Rimspoke resident.

Lambert is a personal pessimist, and

only really at home in Darkest Devon.

And this is their home,

standing in its own pleasant grounds, -

enjoying all the benefits of

Rimspoke's ingenious gadgets.

Well, string me up

and stuff me in a hen-coop!

Hi, Theodore! Look at this.

This morning's post.

Nothing but bills. Put them

on the window sill with the others.

Take a look at that super car!

Look at that there Rudolph Gore-Slimey!

Do you know that fellow?

Know him?

Yes, I'll say I know him.

Do you know him personal?

That there Rudolph, he was a kind

of apprentice to me in my workshop.

Then he suddenly

packed it in and went to town.

And now he's in big business,

and a racing driver, I see.

You don't say...? Big business, too?

Beats me how that there Gore-Slimey -

got into the racing circuit?

Competing with

the best in the world, it says.

Look! Smashing picture on the back too.

Well, I never...!

I might have guessed as much.

Guessed? Guessed what?

I wonder what he's got

under his bonnet?

So that's why Gore-Slimey was

in such a hurry to go to town, huh?

There's some skulduggery

going on here.

More trouble brewing, I'll wager...

No, no, Lambert.

Say, Theodore, what's skulduggery?

Yeh, what's skulduggery?

Well, we better get down

to some honest work.

Out with you, and set to work!

When the call to work goes out,

Brother, please include me out!

Put your hat and coat on, Lambert!

Come on!

I see, doing your daily dozen, Lambert?

I say, what's skulduggery, Sonny?

Skulduggery?

That is skulduggery!

Oh.

The north wind's blowing

from every quarter today, Sonny?

Lovely weather for working.

I'm scared, I am.

I don't like it when

it's blowing from every quarter.

Let's get this contraption working!

All, right, just leave it to me.

Computerised production of

flagpoles for the Swiss Navy!

That'll be 10, 75.

Theodore is self-supporting, has his

own electric power, water laid on -

and turns an honest penny on the side.

Lambert remains a true romantic.

Despite his chronic hay fever

Lambert is conspicuously on parade --

whenever the sun

shines down at Pinchcliffe.

You'd hardly say life at Rimspoke's

is one mad rush, but now and again -

a buckled wheel

or a bent handlebar needs attention.

The profits are hardly likely to cause

repercussions on the money market --

still the three of them up the hill

are content enough.

Don't be frightened, Lambert.

I'll switch the TV on, Theodore.

I don't like TV.

There's no bogeyman in the box.

You never can tell, can you.

And now for the news, read by

pig farmer Archibald Skrimshank.

This is usually pretty exciting.

The situation is still

very tense in the Middle East.

Here...

Dang me sideways!

I'm scared, I am, Theodore.

And now after the news,

the World of Sport.

We deserve a little extra treat tonight.

I expect you'd like

some dewrinkled raisins, Sonny?

Help yourself,

there's plenty for everyone.

... the current Motor Racing

sensation, Rudolph Gore-Slimey.

After winning his third successive

Grand Prix. A few words, please.

I came of humble stock from

the little village of Pinchcliffe.

Worked for a while in a cycle repair

shop run by an eccentric rustic.

Forget his name... Theodore...

Theodore Rimspoke, I think it was.

Just hark at him... I mean to say...

Quiet now, Sonny!

Humble beginnings, eh?

Funny to think how easy it can be

to get stuck in a rut like that place.

But there was no stopping you?

No, and I think my latest invention

will revolutionise motor racing!

What invention?

This super retometric distributor.

It raises the jet-injection factor to

1000 and the corradial effect by 1 12%.

So that's your game! So that's

your invention, is it, Rudolph?

Funny, because here's

the working drawing!

What did you say? Has Gore-Slimey

gone and swiped your invention?

Yes, he must have collared it when

he was working here as my assistant.

Well, string me up and stuff me in

a hen-coop. I never heard the like!

I say, please, could you

pass me another liquorice allsorts?

Hush! We must listen

to what Gore-Slimey has to say.

Let me repeat, I'm prepared anytime,

anywhere, to meet any challenge.

Thank you for talking to us.