Used Cars

Hey, Mornin', Roy!

Same to you, asshole.

Rudy Russo, mi amigo! I bring you your cars.

- They are beautiful, no? - No! Are you using water-based paint?

Sure, we don't get much rain around here.

What do you want for 200? Metalflake?

Listen, you don't like these cars... here's my inventory.

- That's a picture of 250 cars. - 253 cars.

The river has been very good to me this year...

I can't make a deal off a picture like this.

How about some girls? I got all kinds!

Short, tall, fat, uglies, bonitas, señoritas, big tits...

Later, I think I got a customer. I'll think of something.

Student driver shit!

- Hey, Rudy! - Quiet!

- Jesus, you're not gonna... - I'm gonna bait this guy.

- Luke's not gonna like that. - Luke's asleep.

- Who's the grape? - Right there, see him?

He pulled up in that red Chevelle. I'm gonna sell him my Buick.

- Forget it. He pulled up in a red car. - Come on, Jeff, you got your foot.

A rabbit's foot is no protection against a red car.

A red car is bad luck and trouble.

I gotta get some customers on this lot. I gotta have some fast cash.

Yeah? For what?

For this.

Christ, first a red car, now this...

this man, Roy I. Fuchs, doesn't lie. This man gives you a special guarantee.

I mean, beautiful! It's up to you, it's your decision.

One who hesitates is lost.

Where are you going, pal? Come on back here!

Hi there! How you doing?

This your ten dollars? I saw it floatin' underneath the car.

- Here you are. What's your name? - Stanley Dewoski.

What a coincidence! Rudy Polanski.

- I like that watch... great shoes! - Thanks.

So, you want to buy this Buick, huh? You got good taste.

Nice to see somebody on this lot who knows a good car when he sees one.

- So, we write it up? - Actually, I was just looking.

Hey, terrific! Here you can look, browse, taste, smell, do anything you want.

Nobody's gonna pressure anybody around here.

I really think you ought to buy this Buick.

You ought to buy it right now. This Buick is you.

This is your car! Stanley Dewoski is Buick centurion convertible.

You're thinking, "can I afford to buy a car like this?"

You can't afford not to buy a car like this.

When you add this whole thing up, you'll come out 10,000 dollars ahead.

The prestige of owning a Buick centurion can't be measured in dollars and cents.

What the hell are you trying to tell me, Sam?

I've been trying to make sure that new freeway ramp ran through my brother's lot.

According to this, the Goddamn ramp is coming right through the middle of my lot.

What's with that pinhead mayor?

He had no choice. It was the only way to prove there was no conflict of interest.

That mayor don't know dick!

You're the assistant deputy district attorney! Can't you fix it for me?

- I'm sorry, Roy, it's too late. - Just like that, huh?

This country's going to the dogs!

It used to be when you bought a politician, that son of a bitch stayed bought.

You're gonna love it, Stan! Trust me!

Shit! There goes a perfectly good bumper sticker... hey, Luke.

That's a nice pair of shoes.

You baited him, didn't you? Skated him from across the street.

I had to. I can't sell a car unless I get them on the lot.

Now, Rudy, listen to me, will ya?

For the last time, will you listen to me, son?

Suppose that he's an undercover agent for the consumer protection agency.

We're still on probation for consumer fraud. We gotta watch our step.

My ravenous brother over there is just waiting to get his grimy hands on this lot.

I'm desperate, I gotta move some cars. I gotta make ten grand in six weeks.

Ten grand? Are you in some kind of trouble?

No, no... take a look at this.

There's an opening for state senate.

The machine's looking for a fresh face, somebody with no axes to grind...

who wants to tell the people what they want to hear. They're looking for me!

I talked to the party chairman last week. Sixty grand buys me the nomination.

Sixty grand, huh? That's all it takes nowadays?

No, that's like a down payment.

Once I'm in, I go fifty-fifty on all the graft I take in. Politics, Luke!

It's my chance to do something with my life. Go places, meet people...

maybe even meet some broad...

still looking, huh, Rudy?

I don't want to be stuck on this dusty lot for the rest of my life.

I wanna make something out of myself, have people look up at me for a change.

This is my once in a lifetime deal.

I took out a second mortgage on my mobile home.

I cashed in my insurance policies, sold my car and I'm still ten grand short.

Toby, get me a phillip's screwdriver.

Listen, I got some promotional ideas that'll flood this place with prospects.

I found two electronics whizz-kids.

They know how to jam a football game and sneak in some commercials.

Now, we get these strippers, big tits...

you know, I think we'll put this baby on the line...

I can't fool with this forever. Sixteen months is long enough.

No, Toby, I said a phillip's screwdriver.

Luke, can I ask you something? Why are we giving these cars away?

We're not giving them away. School district's paying me 1200 apiece.

I can get 3950 apiece for these cars.

Those are the 1200 apiece cars.

What? These?

You are the craziest, most irresponsible operator I ever met.

And when you stand there and tell me that you want to be a politician...

I know you're right. All right, I'll lend you the ten grand.

No shit, Luke?

I wouldn't kid you about something like that.

We'll go down to the bank in the morning.

Only I don't want to jam any football games and I don't want any strippers.

Goddam, all right, Luke! I love ya!

I'm on my way!

Ask not what your country's done for you, ask what you've just done for your country!

Are you okay? Hey, are you all right, Luke?

I'm just not used to all that kind of excitement.

Here... Jesus, I'm sorry, Luke. Here, take a pill.

I'll be all right. You just promise me one thing.

When you buy that election, become a big-shot politician...

promise me you'll keep my brother from getting his hands on this lot.

They know, don't they, Sam?

They know they're about to have the best freeway access in the state.

Nobody knows, Roy. It won't be announced for a few weeks yet.

I suggest you torch this museum and buy out your brother with the insurance money.

If I could buy him out, do you think I would try to have him put away?

The only way I'm going to get that lot is to inherit it.

- I thought he had a daughter. - She ain't been heard of in years.

The son of a bitch has got a bad heart, you know.

Don't be stupid, Roy.

- Just dreaming, Sam, just dreaming. - Right...

carmine!

Send in that new kid from the demolition derby.

- Mickey? - Yeah, mickey.

Now, let's examine that pinto, shall we? Look at that undercoating...

- classic chassis, pal. - Thanks.

Shall we examine the capacious interior of this luxury automobile?

I got this guy right where I want him. Stay out of this...

Charlie, good to see you. I got the papers drawn up on that Chrysler...

- it's a Chevy Nova. - Hey, I'll be right with you.

Clown.

Excuse me, old man, you a salesman?

Now that's a miracle.

God in heaven, that's a miracle.

Excuse me, you a salesman here?

You know, I'm not one for religion, but jesus, Mary and Joseph that is a miracle!

That was my daughter calling me. Do you believe it? My own daughter.

I just want to buy a car.

She took off about ten years ago, joined one of those communes.

I ain't seen or heard from her. Didn't know if she was living or dead.

And all of a sudden she calls, after ten years. Now that's a miracle.

I know how you feel, old man.

I had a dog once, ran away. Only she got hit by a truck.

What's the story on this '57 Chev here? 2400? Come on, you gotta be jacking me.

Now, son, you're looking at one of the finest automobiles on this lot.

I rebuilt that engine with my own two hands.

Does it run?

Does it run? Like a dream.

Well, old man, for 2400 it'd better run like a wet dream.

Yeah... that's a miracle.

Well, at least it starts, old man.

After ten years...

- you won't need that. - I like to feel safe.

Easy now, easy.

Sounds good, old man!

What the hell was that?

You got a real oil pressure problem here, it's running real hot... real hot.

Pills? What do you need those pills for, old man?

Isn't this fun, old man?

You ever played chicken? I love chicken... I love it.

You're a good sport, old man. I like you.

What do you say we find out what this baby is constructed of?

Come on, get over there, old man.

Oh shit!

What's the matter, old man? You homesick?

I'll have you home in a minute.

What the hell was that?

2400, old man? Well, I'm gonna have to think about it. I got your card.

- I broke my back getting you this deal. - Fifty bucks never killed anybody.

You're not going to find another deal like this in town.

- Fifty bucks never killed anybody. - A deal's a deal.

- Fifty bucks never... - Okay, you got it, you win.

I'll see what I can do. But I'm telling ya, my boss sees these figures...

when he sees these, he's going to have a stroke.

What's he trying to pull? Fifty bucks never killed anybody.

Okay, it's a deal, it's a deal! I'll sign! I'll sign!

I'm sorry! I shook on it! It's a deal!

I never welsh on a deal and I really do want the car...

Luke, where are your pills?

Jesus Christ, you guys mean business! I signed it! Show it to him!

Here's the down payment. Here, show it to him.

Here's the money! Here, take it!

Look... you guys are busy. We'll pick the car up tomorrow.

Oh my god! Honey, let's get out of here!

Jesus Christ!

Luke's dead. Calm down, we're being watched.

- By who? - Who do you think?

Sam? Roy... Roy! Yeah, I know it's late.

First thing tomorrow, I want you to come over here and visit my brother with me.

Well, I'm a little concerned about his health.

And bring those probate papers with you.

Probate papers!

He's gone.

Jim, help me prop him up, I don't want Toby to see him like this.

Jesus, Mary and... I don't know, man. I think we're out of our minds here.

I think we've got to call the cops. I mean, it's murder, for Christ's sake!

You know that and I know. But the cops are going to say it was a heart attack.