Population 11

Aah!

Shit!

Shit.

Uh, morning, Officer.

Would you believe it?

I...I, um... I dropped a... a mint

and when I was bending over...

Well, well, well, look what the spider caught today.

Ah!

Driver's licence, sunshine.

- Yeah. - Let's go.

There you go.

Andrew Pruden.

Cin... Cin... Cin-cinnat...

Cin-cinnat-eye.

It's Cincinnati, uh, Ohio.

And, please, you... you can call me Andy.

Can I?

Have you had anything to drink today, Andrew?

Uh, no. No.

But you do drink? You like to party? Hm?

Yeah, but... but to be clear, I haven't...

It's alright. We all like to have a drink now and then.

A party.

So, I need to ask you a favour.

OK.

I need you to breathe into my face.

Uh, s-sorry, I thought... You want me to...

Breathe...

...into my face.

You... you mean like a...

Like a breathalyser check?

Like, because I'm happy to...

Do you have maybe a breathalyser?

Go on. Give it to me.

Like... like actually...

Breathe.

Like that?

Open mouth. Show me.

Open... That wasn't... It was op...

- Open. Ahh. - Like...

MORE.

More? OK.

Harder.

OK.

Mm.

Mm.

Was that... Is that OK?

Yeah, you're in the clear. So, where you headed to, Andrew?

Uh, nowhere... nowhere in particu...

Just... I'm here to see the sights.

Well, here's a sight for you -

your pretty little face

mashed up against the front of a road train.

So, here's a little tip.

Out here, yeah, we drive on the left.

Yeah, yeah, no, I... Yes.

- Believe me, I just... - No, no, shh. Don't apologise.

Just don't die.

Got it. Don't die.

What am I gonna do with you?

So, am I... Sorry, am I... Can I go now or...

I don't know.

Can you?

Um...

If it's OK, I'm gonna just...

Drive safe.

Holy shit.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Jesus Christ. UFOs now?

No, no, no, no, no, no!

G'day, love.

Nearly got ya!

- Beer? - It's 10am.

Better make it two, then, hey?

Uh, that's OK. I...I...

Jimmy, you're meant to be minding the bar for me.

How am I supposed to watch the bar when I'm taking confession?

A confession? Is this a church or...?

No, it's a pub, first and foremost.

Yeah, but...

I've nothing to confess anyway.

- You sure about that, Cedric? - Yep.

There you go, darl.

Be 16 bucks.

- 16?! - I know. Shocking, isn't it?

Government taxes.

- Oh, that was a 50. - Oh, right.

Listen, I'm running low on change at the moment.

Tell you what -

we'll set you up a bar tab

and I'll let you know when the 50 runs out.

So, what brings you to town?

Uh, actually, I'm here to do the UFO tour.

What? Seriously?

Why?

I heard all about it, so...

In America?

Mm-hm. Yeah.

This is... This is the guy, right? The tour guide?

Ah, that's him. Hugo.

Right. Uh, Hugo, is... is he... Is he here?

Normally -

sitting right there,

running up his bar tab.

Come to think of it, I haven't seen Hugo in...

Oh, it's gotta be a week.

No, since trivia a few Tuesdays ago.

Probably just gone bush for a bit.

Everybody goes for a wander sooner or later out here.

They always come back, but.

Well, you know, there are horror stories.

Serial killers, getting lost,

eaten by bull ants when you're starving to death.

Oh, and crocs.

Uh, mostly crocs.

Yeah, do you think you could show me where Hugo's house is?

He must really love UFOs.

He's gonna be very disappointed.

It's such a shit tour.

Hello?

Oh, well!

We tried.

I thought you said he'd give us a tip.

- I don't know. They usually do. - Oh.

- Yeah. - Those Americans.

Sorry. We're full.

- Oh, no. That's... - Who is it?

Uh, a customer. Who do you think?

- Not a customer. - So, what do you want?

Just looking for a man. Hugo. Do you know him?

Hi. Uh, I'm looking for this man, Hugo.

I was wondering if you could tell me about Hugo.

Hugo? Don't know any Hugos.

Really? In a town of 12 people?

I'm not at liberty to say.

I've got a business to run, so unless you're buying a pie...

Isn't this a Chinese restaurant?

Yeah, it was when I bought it,

but I've combined it with my love of baking.

- You wanna try one? - Are you FBI, are ya?

No, I'm not FBI.

Oh, OK. OK.

Why all the interest in Hugo's UFO tour, then?

He's, um, a bit of a pain in the arse at times,

but that's kinda part of his charm, isn't it?

Oh, yeah. Charmer, he is.

- Braised camel toe. - Oh! The whole toe, huh?

You are Noel Pinkus,

general store owner and postmaster, right?

This is getting a little personal.

We don't even know each other, do we?

It's just that it says it right there

on the photo of you on the wall.

- Does it? - Hugo?

Do you know the last time you spoke with him?

Maybe he told you where he was going?

Well, we don't speak, if you must know.

Oh. Why is that?

'Cause Mum's a drama queen.

OK, stay out of it, Shoshanna.

How was your flight from Langley?

I didn't fly from Langley.

And that's... Just for the record, that's CIA, so...

Oh, are you CIA?

We had an American couple here last year.

Ted and Janice... What was their last name?

Uh, Ringwood, I think, wasn't it?

No, Redford. Redford. Like Robert Redford.

I'm pretty sure it was Ringwood.

I don't think it was Ringwood.

- It doesn't really matter. - You know what?

I'm gonna go and get the visitors' book.

- No, that's not... - Try it.

- Oh, I'm OK, thank you. - Try it.

- It's fine. I'm not hungry. - Come on! Try it.

What happened to your neck?

Well, I get a bit of a sore neck

from laying on the couch sometimes.

- Am I a suspect in all this? - In all what?

Whatever this is, mate! You tell me!

- Ted and Janice... Green. - Green?

Told you it was a colour.

- Hey? Green! - Way off!

- How long have you been here? - 35 years.

Seems like a long time to not know anybody in your tiny town.

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

Eat the pie and I'll tell you where Hugo is.

Yeah, so, circling back to Hugo...

Who even are you?

You can't pin this on me. Nah.

No fuckin' chance.

- I won't go down for this. - Mm-hm. So, where is he?

No idea. Good, though, isn't it?

Never mind. Thank you for your time.

Piss off!

What the hell?

Mm.