Ex-Husbands

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Want a light?

I know I have a lighter in here somewhere.

There it is.

Can I tell you something?

Yeah.

But I don't want any shit.

Okay.

And I'm not really looking for an opinion if it's a judgmental one.

Okay.

We're getting a divorce, your mother and I.

- What? - I'm leaving her.

- Why? - Marriage is a grind.

I won't do it anymore.

This is a terrible idea, Dad.

Which part of "I'm not all that interested in your opinion"

don't you understand?

Well...

you think you're going to be happier alone?

- Who says I've got to be alone? - Is there someone else?

Not at the moment, but say I've got 30 good years left in me.

- 30? - 20. 25.

You'll be 110.

Believe it or not,

women think I'm handsome. They think I'm funny.

They think I'm a good storyteller.

I might not be young...

but I have one last shot at finding love here.

What about Mom?

What about me, Peter?

Doesn't anyone care about me or my happiness?

- You already took off your ring. - Yeah.

- Where is it? - It's in a drawer.

I put it in a drawer.

Why don't you just hang on to it for a while?

Just until you realize what a colossal mistake you are making.

I'm not a rash person, Peter.

I've thought this all the way through and back, and frankly,

I think I deserve a little credit.

It's a pretty brave move.

- Brave? - That's right. Brave.

You know, they don't give out Bronze Stars for abandoning people.

We're not on the battlefield here, Peter.

Dad...

please, please don't do this.

You're a big boy. You can handle it.

Easier to just euthanize the both of you.

You're the one with the problem. Maybe you ought to euthanize yourself.

Real nice, Dad. Real nice.

Hi, Peter.

Hi, M.

Did you have a chance to look everything over yet?

Um, yeah. I'm in the process of looking

or having it looked over, yeah.

I don't want to drag this out.

I'd just rather rip the Band-Aid off.

Well, after 35 years,

it doesn't feel so much like a Band-aid as it does my own flesh.

I just mean the settlement, Peter.

Getting the paperwork signed so we can be free of lawyers and lawyers' fees.

Well, can we get together, though, and, you know,

talk through some of these things?

That's something more to talk through with your attorney, Peter.

Yeah, I know. I'm waiting on notes from Heather,

but I thought it would be nice

and maybe even human if,

you know, we could get together and...

talk this through one last time.

I don't think that's a good idea, Peter.

You don't?

No.

You need to figure out what works for you.

We can't break up together.

Okay, well, I'm going away this weekend, so...

I'll look it over by the time I'm back.

Thank you.

Hey, Nick. Sorry.

I just wanted to check that I'm not forgetting anything down there.

No worries.

This one will get you into the basement,

and then this one will get you into the storage room.

Oh, and did you text your dad about dinner?

I will. Yeah.

I think the movers will be over till 6:00 or so.

Yeah, I'll let him know, yeah.

'Cause it sounds like he still thinks we're coming.

I'm on it, Thea.

- All right. - I just...

My dad's been up my ass recently.

It's okay.

Oh, and the... the letter is in the works.

- Love you. - You too.

- Nick? - Yeah.

Hey, what's up, man?

Calling in my favor here.

Can you cover for me on Saturday?

Oh shit, George, I'm getting dragged to Mexico

for my bachelor party this weekend.

- That's this weekend? - Yeah.

- Oh shit. - Sorry, man. Next time.

All right. I'm hoping to go to a coffee conference in Oslo this spring,

so bank my favor till then.

If I'm still working here, listening to Steve's playlists come spring,

I'm going to blow my fucking brains out.

- You know he's a deejay, right? - Yeah.

Doesn't change how I feel about his playlists.

All right. See you back in there.

So, do you know what you'd like?

Yeah. I'll have the club sandwich.

- Anything to drink? - Do you have iced tea?

- We do. - Cool.

Can I have an Arnold Palmer?

Yes.

How is the quiche?

It's really good.

Uh, it's prepared with kale and goat cheese.

I was having a hard time picking between that and the terrine.

Uh, they're both really good.

Very different.

You know what? I'll have the falafel.

Okay.

All right, wide as you can.

All right.

Sunish...

I forgot your wife's name again.

What was it again? What's your wife's name?

I remember it being a pretty name.

And it's 5, 4, 3, 2...

Hi.

Hi, Dad.

How are you feeling?

Got you something for your wall.

The next time, I'm going to bring a hammer and a nail.

But for now...

I thought...

it could live right here.

Yeah. Huh? What do you think?

Yeah, you love this movie.

Quoted it constantly.

"You can't have your cake and shoot it too."

"So they call me Concentration Camp Ehrhardt?"

Yeah?

Tunfh. Mm-hmm. Tuh.

Tuh... Tuh... Tuh...

Lunfh.

Tulum. That's right. I'm going there this weekend.

I'd take you with me if I could.

Now, you know what I was thinking?

Maybe...

Maybe you ought to start wearing this again.

You know, with Mom looking down at us...

I think it would mean the world to her.

I'm having dinner with the boys tonight.

- Hello. - Hey, Mr. Pearce. Your son's here.

Great. Send him up.

Come in.

- Hey, Dad. - Hey. How's it going?

Good.

Wow.

- This place is great. - Thanks.

Oh.

- You look good. - No, you.

What?

You been working out?

- A little. - Well, it shows,

'cause you're bigger in your chest and your shoulders.

All right. Thank you.

Here, I got you a housewarming gift.

Oh, wow.

Thank you.

Oh!

Well, this is great.

I really like it.

Oh, it smells great, too.

Thank you. It's really nice.

Is Nick close by?

He's coming. I assume Thea as well.

Probably, yeah.

- How's work? - It's good.

Yeah? You like your boss?

Yeah.

She's demanding, but she's fair.

Well, that's great.

Fairness is all you can ask for these days.

You come out to the people at work yet?

No. The only person I actually want to know I'm gay

is this girl named Miranda, who I'm pretty sure has a crush on me.

Well, I can see the confusion.

You're not swishy gay.

- Swishy gay? - You know what I mean.

Dad, that's... that's not cool.

Okay.

Are you going to be here for a while?

Uh, well, I don't know.

I mean, it depends on how your mom and I turn out.

You guys are going ahead with the divorce, aren't you?

Well, if it were up to me,

your mom and I would continue working on the marriage.

Uh...

Nick says he can't make it.