The Venture Bros.

No! No!

I don't want to go back! I'm not done finding myself.

- You gotta! - No!

Please, Brock. I feel amazing! I never want the night to end.

You can't run away from your life forever, Doc!

This is my life now, mom. Deal with it!

You got responsibilities at home. The bills are stacking up...

and you have to deal with what happened to the boys.

Screw the boys! I want to stay here with my new family and their feel-good candy.

- You've had your fun, Doc, it's time. - No, Brock.

No! This is Sky.

We're going to have a child! Please!

Ripped By mstoll

But we're the Venture brothers!

Shouldn't we work together?

What does it take to get rid of you, you parasite? Tweezers and a match?

I give you life, I give you half my stuff, I gave you the X-2 for God sake!

What more do you want?! My blood? Here! Take it!

Take my blood! Or better yet, just climb right on back inside me!

Go on! Jump back in there. Come on!

Fine. Never mind. Just let me get my stuff from the lab and I'll go.

- The lab. Try my lab. - Mine, yours. What's the difference?

We're the Venture brothers! What's mine is yours.

Yeah, yeah. You're very generous with my things. Look, Twiki...

I have some very, very big government contracts I gotta get cracking on!

I'm very, very, very back in action, and there are many, many bills to pay.

Super! I could use your help. I've got most of them complete.

I think there are two left. Yeah.

The sound that kills and a teleporter. Dibs on the killing sound.

Dibs? Screw you! Those are my contracts!

They were addressed to Dr. Venture, and since you've been gone...

I've received two doctorates. So I'm a Dr. Venture, too.

- I was only gone a month. - You can have the teleporter.

- Fine. I'll clean up your mess. - Great! I'm half done with it.

It's in the manufacturing wing. I put your staff on the job.

Wait. I have a manufacturing wing? I have a staff?

I did this.

I let this happen to them.

- The boys were in my charge, and I failed! - It's not your fault. These things happen.

What is it with you people?

The children were cut down in their prime, and my negligence is to blame.

- Hate me! - All right. Fine, I hate you.

You hungry? Thinkin' about making grilled cheese.

I accept your hatred! Now I don't want to worry you with the particulars...

but I am by trade a necromancer! You know what that means, right?

- That you have sex with dead people. - Phile. Necrophile!

A necromancer can bring the dead...

to life!

- He was right. - No, here. Switch it, switch it.

No, look here. Righty tighty, lefty loosy.

- I don't know. - Come on, man. Eyes down here!

Where are you looking?

How the hell did they get in here?! I padlocked this wing years ago.

Rusty! How ya doing? Long time no see!

Not again. Just let me take the ID's out.

Here. Now you can't kill me. Hobo code, right?

This one always a kidder. I know him for 30 years!

Swifty, say hi to Rusty.

He was so flipped up, turned around, and...

Whoever you are, I don't want any trouble.

Just pack up your little shantytown and leave.

You really don't remember me? All those adventures we had?

That little brown boy saved your life.

This Aztec calendar says today is your lucky day!

Can we keep him, pa?

- Yeah. No. No, not ringing a bell. - JJ?

Hey, hon. You ready?

- Just a sec. - Hello!

- Tell me she works here, too. - My ride to the marina.

- Well, I'll be seeing you, big brother. - You're leaving me with these people?

Yep. Off to Spider-Skull Island. Did you bring your bi-kini?

- One for me and one for Colette. - Go, Team Venture!

I used to be pretty.

Yeah, but not no more. Look at my nose.

What the? Are you raping me?!

- No. Well, I was gonna, but... - Gonna?!

- What the f..., King? - I couldn't get it up.

You felt too much like a girl, I couldn't get into it!

Wait. Wait a... What?

This isn't even my cell! What, did you take me to your place?!

Well, I got porn here. It helps.

Hank!

Dean!

Head.

On my head.

My apologies. I didn't see you... Wait, perhaps you could help.

From your helmet I can judge that you've been here long enough to know...

Yes, pilgrim! I, in life, was a personal guard to the great Caesar!

Liar! You choked on a popsicle stick at a Halloween party.

- Tell everyone, why don't you?! - Everybody knows.

You're in hell 'cause you're a f... liar.

Well, I'm trying to find the souls of two innocents.

One, Dean, has rust-colored hair.

The other, Hank, is tow-headed.

And I ask for...

Teleporter.

Money in the bank. So this baby is almost finished, right?

Don't quote me on this...

but I believe there was a ring, and I loved the radio.

- What is he talking about? - Swifty's a little punchy.

He was a prize fighter but after his brain went soft...

his wife left him and your father put him to work here.

My dad's dead. So, Swifty, you're fired.

Your... your father died?

Like 20 years ago! Where have you been?

Here. 20 years?

I'm 45? I haven't even kissed a girl yet!

My God. That's sad. Well, you're fired, too.

- So, we just leave? - Yes.

Where's the? Where's the door out?

Those uniforms are Venture property.

Can you leave them in the bathroom hamper?

From the... government.

Half-done, my ass. Looks good to me!

I'll tart it up with a coat of baby blue enamel...

and ship her off to the government. Oh, come on!

No wonder my power bill's been through the roof.

What now?

I got the stuff. How are you doing with Phase Two?

Just finishing up. All right. Here.

They don't hand-write mircodots on the outside. They use, like, computers.

They don't use photos of Macaulay Culkin as money on the outside either.

And they don't have tiny men in their employ.

- Can't believe they let you keep those. - They think a hobby aids in rehabilitation.

It's only fair. I mean, Catlady gets to keep her cats. Beetlebomb, his beetles.

And King Gorilla's got all those Tarzans.

There.

Fly! Fly, my pet!

Let the beating of your wings ignite the hurricane...

of my glorious second coming!

Tell the world...

The Monarch shall return!

Eagle-1 to Guild Base-5.

Have intercepted message from Butterfly to Cocoon.

- Ready to transmit data. - Copy, Tiny Eagle.

Ready to receive.

"Hello, friend. Good news. Fantastic Caribbean Getaway..."

Idiot! It's printing from memory! When was the last time you put paper in?

I told you, you can't run the microwave and the blow-dryer at the same time.

They're on the same circ...

What the hell are you doing? How did you even do that?

- Don't do that! - Doc?

Lab!

- Doc! - My... ing brother is an idiot!

- Should I ask? - Teleporter. This is all I need.

Your legs are sticking out of the TV. Where's the rest of you?

I can't tell, hold on. Wait, did you hear that?

- I just threw something. - Wait, do it again.

- No. - OK, just a sec, I'll...

I just put my hand in sludge. Oh, don't tell me!

I think the rest of me is in the bathroom.

My clock is blinking twelve! I think the power went out!

- What are you doing? - I like digging.

Can't a man leave his home with a shovel without an inquisition?

No. Dad, you have to let them go.

I can't. Sweetie, I can feel them.

They are between worlds. They can be raised!

It's so simple. I just need their bodies and their souls.

But I can't find their souls! How do you lose a soul?

- They're not like car keys. - Stop it!

- You don't simply misplace them. - Stop it!

I don't even want to think about them as zombies!

No, no, sweetie.

Zombies are animated bodies without souls.

This is a regular resurrection. Stop crying, pumpkin.

I've done this hundreds of times.

David Blaine, Evel Knievel, both daddy's clients.

As was Ronald Reagan till he bounced a check.

- I'm gonna throw up. - Pumpkin, no.

This is routine! I just raise this sword and go...

Rise and be one with the living!

It's all very humdrum. Let me get the door.

Now, don't touch any of this.

You could accidentally make the cats huge or something.

Yes, I heard you the first time.

Milkshake.

While it is comforting to see my legs, it's not really fixing anything.

I don't know, Doc. I'm just trying to help.

Maybe if we put all of your parts back in the machine...

- Right. Like in that Jeff Goldblum movie. - Yeah. See?

We still can't find my right side, which I'm now certain is outdoors.

How come?

Because it's raining on a third of me. I'm freezing.

I discovered my nipples work as a team. Come here. Feel this grab eye I got going.

- I believe you. - No. Really. Feel it! It's like a pencil eraser.

- We have a door, Orpheus. - Oh, no!

You, too, are trapped between worlds!

- What have I done?! - Relax.

- Doc did that to himself. - My stupid brother did this.

I have destroyed your life!

I have brought your sons back...

as soulless zombies!

So, is everyone clear on what his or her job is?

Tigerrific? You look pensive.

There's no way I can tear the gates down.

- I'm not even close to strong enough! - Don't sell yourself short, man.

I once watched you cleave an eyewitness news van in twain!

All costume. I don't have any powers without that thing.

No powers? I thought you were, like, half tiger or something.

- No! - Raised by tigers then?