The Return of the Pink Panther

This way, please. Ladies and gentlemen, this way, please.

Follow me.

Round there, please.

Thank you.

From the dynasty of Akbar the Magnificent,

and for over a thousand years, our nation's religious symbol,

the Pink Panther.

Largest and most famous diamond in the world.

Irreplaceable, its value cannot be estimated in terms of money.

Isn't the museum worried that someone might steal it?

The Pink Panther is protected,

and by forces more impenetrable than any army.

Observe.

Deactivate.

Failing the radar shield,

the slightest release of pressure in the weight of the diamond,

and the would-be thief is a prisoner.

A prisoner of the Pink Panther.

Why is it called the Pink Panther?

The stone is flawed.

If it is held up to the light in a certain way,

the figure of a springing panther can be seen clearly.

- Good morning, sir. - Sit.

My department has already begun rounding up suspects.

His Majesty has been informed of the theft.

He is flying home from Washington.

- I expect an arrest any moment now. - I do not share your optimism.

We know the culprit is within our borders.

All airports and railway stations are being watched.

While your men search for this man with the Dutch passport

who rented the hotel room, he has thrown away his passport

and is making ready to leave the country under a new identity.

- When we find the fingerprints... - If you find them...

You are both in trouble. But if we do what is necessary and conventional.

I am calling in outside help.

The famous French detective who recovered the Pink Panther

the last time it was stolen.

- What was his name? - Clouseau.

Inspector Clouseau.

- Do you have a licence? - Monsieur?

City ordinance 47-B prohibits the playing

of any musical instrument in a public place for the purpose

of commercial enterprise without a licence.

I don't understand.

It is against the law for you to play your musical instrument.

- The leur? - What?

You say it's against the law?

Yes, unless you have a proper licence.

What kind of licence?

A licence that permits the playing of any musical instrument

in a public place for the purpose of commercial enterprise.

- Commercial enterprise? - Yes.

You play that thing and people give you the money.

People give the monkey the money.

- It is the same. - Not at all, monsieur.

I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman.

He doesn't tell me what to play,

and I don't tell him what to do with his money.

Monsieur, don't try to be funny with me.

He is your monkey, therefore it is your money!

He lives with me, but he is not my monkey.

One day I came home and found him in the living room!

I let him stay, but he pays for his own room and board.

Then the monkey's breaking the law.

But he doesn't play any musical instrument.

City ordinance 132-R prohibits the begging.

How do you know so much about city ordinances?

What sort of stupid question is that,

- are you blind? - Yes.

Oh, I see, yes. Yes, of course.

You happen to be talking to a police officer,

and because I expect to be transferred back

to the Detective Division at any moment,

I will let you off this time with just a warning.

Thank you, Monsieur Agent.

But you must get yourself a proper licence.

First thing tomorrow.

Try to do something about your filthy monkey.

Halt! Just a moment!

Move, move!

Over there! Arretez!

Idiot!

How was I to know he was the bank manager?

How were you to know the bank was being robbed?

- That is correct. - What is correct?

I did not know the bank was being robbed

because I was engaged in my sworn duty as a police officer.

You didn't even arrest the old beggar.

There was some question as to whether the beggar

or his minkey was breaking the law.

- "Minkey"? - What?

You said "minkey"!

That is correct, yes, chimpanzee monkey.

So I let them both off with a warning.

The beggar was the lookout man for the gang.

- That is impossible. - Why?

He was blind. How can a blind man be a lookout?

How can an idiot be a policeman? Answer!

It's simple, all he has to do is enlist.

Shut up!

- How do you know he was blind? - Because he told me so.

Oh, he told you so. And you believed him?

I had no reason to doubt him.

Do you believe me if I tell you

that I'm not going to get you suspended for six months?

- Do you believe me? - If you say so, sir. Yes.

Because I'm a bigger liar than the beggar.

You are suspended for six months without pay.

- Six months? - Effective immediately.

Have you anything to say?

Could you lend me 50 francs?

Will you get out of my sight!

- Yes. - Idiot.

My blood pressure.

Idiot.

One day, François.

One day I'll be rid of him forever. That'll be the day.

- Something on your mind? - An order from the commissioner.

- Oh, yes? - It concerns Clouseau.

Yes? Go on.

He is to be reinstated as an inspector.

What? You can't be serious.

And he is to report immediately to a Colonel Sharki in Lugash.

I see.

- Sir! - What?

It's a birthday gift from my wife.

Most realistic.

Get me the commissioner.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus calling.

The commissioner.

Commissioner,

I have just received your instructions to send Clouseau to Lugash,

but you see, he's no longer with the Sûreté, I've just given him...

Yes, but...

Yes, but since France and Lugash have been allies for nearly 200 years,

it might be a serious mistake to send someone who is...

I see. Yes, of course.

Very good, commissioner.

It seems the Shah of Lugash telephoned the president personally

and asked for Clouseau to be assigned to the case.

- The Shah of Lugash. - Incredible.

All right, François.

The Shah of Lugash.

...the capital earlier this morning. It seems that the army...

by sealing the area around the president's palace.

Highs for the coast...

Oh, good evening, Madame Landlord.

...against the price increases...

Good evening. I was just reading the headlines in your newspaper.

...opposition is...

Good evening.

Cato?

Cato!

Monsieur Clouseau's residence.

One moment, please.

For you. Chief Inspector Dreyfus.

- Yes, sir. - You're back on the force.

Come to my office... immediately!

Immediately, sir.

Well, Cato, I am back on the force.

You know, Cato, your freezer ambush ploy...

I really congratulate you.

It was very, very good.

But Cato, your fly is undone.

And so, my friend, are you!

Yes, my little yellow friend.

I knew the chief would have to reconsider.

He did not get where he is by ignoring a man's qualifications.

He knows that I am unique and therefore indispensable.

We are much the same, the chief and I.

But of course, Cato, all great detectives

have one thing in common. You know what that is?

Instinct.

That rare ability to know immediately without having to stop and reason.

And in my business it can easily mean the difference between life and death.

All right, I'll get it.

Thank you.

Yes, that split-second timing when instinct tells you...

that...

Ah... Aghh!

...new wave of assassinations.

...the opposition spokesman has categorically denied...

Infamous powers are at work.

The instant you assign me to a case, the underworld hears about it

and I am set upon.

Cato is in hospital.

They nearly blew his yellow skin off. It's amazing that I am still alive.

Amazing is not the word.

Do I detect something in your voice that says I am in disfavour with you?

Yes.

I wish you were dead.

You are entitled to your opinion.

And you are not! Out! Out of my sight!

You want me to leave?

If you are not out of this room in five seconds,

I shall not be responsible for my actions!

Five seconds is nothing, I can easily be out in three.

- But if you really want me to leave... - I've had enough!

Oh, thank you very much.

A very amusing clever little gadget.