Arthur Christmas

Dear Santa, are you real?

If you live at the North Pole,

how come I can't see your house when I look on Google Earth?

Are you Saint Nicholas?

Because you'd be incredibly old.

How do you have time to read all the letters

from all the children in the world?

And how many cookies and mince pies have you eaten in all of history?

How do you get all the presents in the sack?

Does your sack have to get bigger every year

because of exponential population growth?

And how do you get down the chimneys?

I put my head in ours and it's really small.

Even if you could squeeze down it in one minute,

there's nine houses in my road so that's nearly 10 minutes.

And there are millions of roads in the world.

It must be so hard being Santa these days.

I mean, what if after all of that, I'm staying at Grandma's?

Santa, how can you get round the whole world in just one night?

My friend said

that you'd have to go so fast,

it would make you and the sleigh and the reindeer all burn up.

I think you are real. But how do you do it?

For Christmas I would love a pink Twinkle Bike with stabilizers.

But please don't bring it if it makes you and the reindeer burn.

Love, Gwen Hines. 23 Mimosa Avenue, Trelew, Cornwall, England.

Dear Gwen, thank you for your letter

and, heh, brilliant picture.

Your request for a pink Twinkle Bike will be passed on to Santa.

And, yes, do believe in Santa.

He is real.

He's the greatest man ever.

And he can get around the world to every child

without a single reindeer being roasted ali--

Hurt.

By the time the sun comes up on Christmas Day, he'll get to you too

using his

special magic.

First Field Elf Battalion, set.

Straighten that teddy bear, soldier. Ma'am.

Ah. Hm.

Ho, ho, ho.

That's a:

"Ho, ho, ho" Aarhus.

Field elves, jingle!

Jingle, jingle! Drop time, 18.14 seconds per household.

Left foot, sir. Right foot, sir. Unh. Unh.

Ooh, ha, ha, ha. That's it, that's it.

Dog food incoming. Meaty chunks in the hole.

[CAR ALARM WAILS THEN CHIRPS]

Wow, a grand piano. This kid must have been good his whole life.

Marvellous. Gets me every time.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Merry--

Carrot chomped.

Ahem. Sir? Oh! Goodness me.

[SANTA CHUCKLES THEN GRUNTS]

Sorry. Heh, heh.

Drop complete. Stand by, S-1.

You're gonna make it, soldier. Aarhus is merry.

Santa has left the building.

North Pole to S-1, you have weather

fluctuation. Update camouflage.

Roger that, Control.

Hull projection

optimized. Roger, S-1.

Denmark cleared.

Next drop, Flensburg, minus 12.4 seconds.

Flensburg weather:

Deep, crisp, even.

Making a list. Check it twice.

Checking twice. A wrap for Denmark.

Converting milk and cookies to bio fuel.

Hello? Oh.

Ah. Ha, ha. Uh--

Santa on bridge. Sorry.

Forgot the PIN code.

Just crossed into Germany, sir.

Germany.

So many countries these days. It's a big night, sir.

My, uh, 70th mission. Yes.

Oh, sorry.

One too many mince pies.

Looking forward to it? Retirement?

Hm? Oh!

Ten seconds to Flensburg.

Maintain current, um...

Carry on. Update national protocol.

Delete rice pudding and carrot. German leave-out for Santa

is shoe on front step. Repeat, shoe on step.

600AM3. Gift secured.

Oi, soldier. Get off your baubles.

What happened to peace and goodwill to all men, sarge?

It don't say nothing about elves, soldier. Go, go, go!

Engage rooftops.

It's snow time!

S-1, hold drop altitude.

This is Germany, Father.

Drive on the right. National dish: sausage.

Okay, let's show them, people.

Operation Santa Claus is coming to town.

Drop complete. Drop complete.

Drop complete. Drop complete.

Drop complete. Drop complete.

Operational efficiency:

One hundred percent. Wow.

Hold the handrail.

Whoa! Oops.

Dear, I'm sorry.

Thanks. Brendon Doherty.

Ruby Miller. That's Grace Smith.

She wants

an elephant. What are you doing here?

Got to get this letter from Maria Costa

to Steve.

Oh, no! Maria!

Whoops! Bye-bye, Maria.

Whoa!

Is this yours, Arthur?

Oh, thanks, Kenneth.

Merry Christmas. Want

a ride?

Doubt it.

No, thanks. I'm not

very good with heights, speed

and that thing!

Buckle down, people. Buckle down.

Peter. Ready, sir.

SITREP on special forces.

Where are they? America, sir.

White House. Delivering to the president's children, sir.

Okay. Left out of the Oval Office, right at the Cabinet Room

via the air vents.

You think of everything, sir.

Thank you, Peter. I'd love an espresso.

Coming right up. Heh, heh.

Oop! Beg your pardon. Well done!

Merry Christmas.

Wow, brilliant. Mind the glasses.

Keep up, everybody.

Arthur. Sorry. Can I just--? Um...

No, never mind.

Do you mind if I--? Ow!

Oh, dear.

I'm so sorry.

6B-- Merry Christmas.

FRC-- And a happy New Year.

What a night, sir.

Out with the old Santa,

in with the new, eh?

Let's focus on the now, eh, Peter?

Support teams,

prep Poland. Poland.

Poland. Do you know what they call

Dad here?

Anyway.

I guess he's harmless.

Ow!

[ELVES GRUNTING AND GROANING]

I'm terribly sorry.

Is that your leg? Whoo!

I'm sorry!

I'm really sorry. It's my Christmas slippers on the ice.

[SLIPPERS PLAY "SILENT NIGHT"]

They're from China.

Found it. What?

The letter. The one I said.

From Maria Costa.

She asked for a Pocket-Puppy, but she wants the blue one.

It looks like her auntie's dog, Biffo, that ran away.

I remember because she sent

a picture of Biffo. See?

Child CG786K? Look, Arthur.

This was Greece, sir.

Five countries ago, sir.

Oh. Um...

I just want it to be perfect for every kid.

Hey, there's Dad. Santa!

Maria Costa, Dad. Did she get the blue one?!

Little bro, it's great to have you around.

You bring a genuine aura of seasonal positivity.

Heh. Thanks, Steve.

But could you not be in Mission Control

at all for the rest of the night?

Oh. Um... Uh...

Yeah.

All right? I'll never walk

again. Of course.

Right.

Sorry if I... Uh...

Brilliant.

They should put him