Mr. D

Up top! Down low.

Boom boom, brother love.

Boom boom, brother love. Chest bump.

Boom! Boom!

-Sir, are we going to learn anything today?

-Yes! You're learning a personalized handshake with me.

-You've been doing it with Stephan for ten minutes.

-Oh, excuse me Suzy Stopwatch, I wasn't timing myself.

But we're trying to learn it for the first time and everybody's gonna get a chance.

You're just trying to waste class time.

-No I'm not, I'm trying to motivate you.

I'm trying to do something different and fun, so everybody comes in excited.

Cause I saw this in a video once and it was

very viral and positive, Ms. Negative Nancy.

There. You just learned something.

Okay, where were we now?

Ah, I forget.

We forget where we were, so we gotta start over.

Alright, ready?

What the f...?

What are you doin' in my class, Lisa?

-Well, I'm very concerned about my son.

-Your stepson. -It's the same thing.

It's not the same thing.

He doesn't have your DNA inside his body. -Anyway.

-Where's security? Kids, get security!

You're crazy! What do you want?

-I'm very concerned about Alex's well-being at this school.

And so I'm here to audit your class.

- I know what this is. - 'Cause I just told you.

-You're obsessed with me, like a crazy woman.

What? I was never...Ugh!

- Big time! - No!

Obsessed like a nut job!

-I was never obsessed with you Gerry, Jesus.

-Let me just explain something. I have zero interest in you.

Actually, I have less than zero.

So, if you think you're coming here to woo me over...

It's not gonna happen, sister. -Okay, there is no wooing going on here.

I have a real husband... -Oh, who cares.

-Who has a real house and a real job. -Whatever.

And a wonderful child and that makes me a concerned parent.

-Step parent! You're not a real parent.

-I intend to make sure that my dear boy gets a nurturing

and competent education.

Hey legs, come to watch me sweat?

-Okay. -Alex.

-Okay. Alright Alex that's enough, okay? Just...

I'm here to evaluate your teacher, just pretend I'm not here.

Like that's possible.

Let's go! Come on! High five! Let's go! Gentlemen, that's how it's done.

-He's a minor, so I don't know what you two have goin' on.

-Don't be disgusting. -But, that was pretty weird.

-I'm just going to be sitting right over here...

And watching everything that you do. So don't mind me.

-If you've got nothin' better to do all day

than sit here and watch me teach, go for it.

I don't, 'cause my husband's really rich.

Alright everybody, same teams as yesterday.

We're gonna scrimmage, right away. Let's go!

-Malik assure you he never meant to leave job.

Gerary's Charter School was... elaborate joke.

- So you leaving me high and dry was just a delightful ruse?

Very delightful ruse.

See, the things is, it felt kind of serious.

Especially when the school became overrun with dust bunnies!

-Malik very sorry, but... -So serious in fact...

I had to hire my man, Keith here.

What's up K-Mar?

Please, Xavier is home away from the home.

And family rely on benefits to stay alive.

Oh family!?

Guess you should have thought about family before

you followed Gerry on his little pilgrimage.

-Yes, Malik is riddled with regrets.

But, isn't this a little... Unfair?

-How so? -Charter school was Gerary's idea.

Go on.

-Well, I could not help but notice that Gerary

not only still teach here, but also...

Get promotion. -This surprises me Mr. Malik.

I always saw you as someone who went high, when the others went low.

-So, admit you are going low... -No.

But I admit I have seen your true colours, Phil Collins.

And they don't belong on this side of the wall with me and the K-Man.

-Robert, why is Lisa sitting in on my classes?

Oh, Mylanta.

You're the third teacher today to complain about this.

-What are you going to do about it?

-Sorry, Mr. Cheeley. I don't mean to be a pain.

But is it normal for a parent to sit in on Economics classes?

-Sorry, who's this? -Dave, new Economics teacher.

-Oh, Hey Dave. Gerry. Future head of Phys Ed.

-Hey, man. Love sports. -Thank you.

What's with the hat?

Ah, I just don't like the shape of my head.

Okay.

Um, to answer your question, Dave,

it's not normal but it's technically not forbidden.

So, my hands are kind of tied and not even in a fun way.

-Why don't you start acting like a principal and put your foot down.

Aren't you the one in charge around here?

Yeah, I guess I am.

-Sooo, you get to make up the rules, you see?

-Yes I do! -Okay.

-So, here's my solemn oath to you, gentlemen:

I am going to stop Lisa McKenzie, née Mason...

From ever doing that again.

Wish me luck. -No, Just do it.

- Mission accepted. - Great.

Can we see the shape of your head?

-No. -Come on, it'll take two s...

Hey you two, break it up.

What are you doing?

Look, I'm a lover not a fighter but you can't be doin' this in school.

-Really? How come those two get to do it? -What?

- Hey! - Oh!

- Ah! - God! Ah, Paul I'm sorry.

What are you guys doing?

She made me do it. -I did not!

She asked me to... She...

You guys are supposed to be setting an example around here.

-Yeah, look. Look, here's the thing... -I'm just reading a book.

-He wasn't, we were kissing. Ever since we broke our kissing seal,

we just, we can't keep our dewy lips off of each other. Guilty.

-Look, I'm the first guy to understand love's unquenchable thirst.

If Donna wasn't serving a lifetime sentence for murdering my ex-wife...

Man, our lips would be all over each other's bodies.

Right? -Yeah. Yup.

Yeah.

You guys can't be doing this in the library.

We gotta do better than this, come on, let's go.

- Yeah, okay. Sorry Paul. - Narcs!

Robert.

I gotta admit, I've never thought of you as much of a leader.

Thank you.

When I saw this memo you sent to parents officially

banning them from all classrooms at Xavier Academy.

I thought, bravo!

I wish I could have seen Lisa's face when she read it.

-I did see her face, because I hand delivered it during drop off.

-Nooo! -Do you want to see what it looked like?

- Yes! - Like...

That's classic.

-Where's the memo banning her from the office?

Robert. Trudy. Gerry.

Oh, hello Lisa.

Are you here to provide feedback on my class?

Oh wait, you can't because you're bannnnned from my class now!

-Don't worry about it, Gerry, 'cause when I become PTA president

I'm gonna petition to overturn that little ruling.

I'm planning on being very, very active

in all aspects of Xavier Academy.

Pft!

- My nomination. - -You can nominate yourself all you want.

-See ya later friends. -Good luck winning that.

Pft! Anyway.

Sheesh! PTA President. They don't have any power, anymore.

They actually have quite a bit of power.

-She's a stepmom, stepmom's surely can not be president.

-Stepmom's count. -Who else is nominated.

Hold on, let me just check.

Oh yeah, that's right! Nobody.

-Let me remind you fellow teachers,

if Lisa becomes PTA president our lives will be hell.

So keep calling the parents, and if you get a no,

move down the list and call the next parent.

-Any luck with the recruits? -Nothing. It's just excuse after excuse.

I've never met more people who care less about their kids.

-Gerry, we might have to just accept our fate.

Our lives are going to become a living, breathing nightmare,

at the veiny hands of some vengeful stepmom.

Ah man, that's...

Wait a minute.

-I know that look... Idea!

-We've been going about this all wrong.

-I like where this is going. Hit me.

-We've been trying to find someone to take on this terrible position

- out of the goodness of their heart. - -Yeah?

-We need to find someone who will run against Lisa for the

pure pleasure of seeing her fail.

-Only thing is, neither of us can run. -Not us.

I think I know a person who hates her just as much as we do.

-Who? -Alex's mom.

Lisa is Alex's mom, is the only thing.

His biological mom.

His real mom.

-Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh. -Chik, chik, chik, chik.

Operation Birth Mom!

-Not calling it that. -Of course not.

So, are you...

Pregnant? Yes, I am.

-Great. I once asked a girl that in a bar and she was not.

-K, I don't know what that's all about, but I'm Bobbi.

-Dave. -Hi.

-What's it like having a baby inside you?

-Okay, I'm having a hard time concentrating on this right now because of that...!

That's mad distracting.

- Guys, stop it! - They do that all the time?

- They're really into it though. - Quit it! Quit it!