Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy

Shh.

I am Groot.

I am Groot.

I don't care how shiny they are.

We're on a mission here.

I thought we were past petty theft, Quill.

We are, Gamora, but this...

Um, what are we stealing again, Drax?

A Xandarian music vase. A Xandar... Yeah.

Which is going to the Collector,

who's always trying to capture us. Ugh.

It's karmically neutral at worst.

Yeah, but if you wanna actually get the vase,

you're gonna have to keep your krutackin' mouths shut!

Inside, this baby has a sound-sensitive alarm.

One loud noise, and we're caught.

So keep it down!

Oh, so that's why it's called a music vase.

I am Groot.

Quill! I am Groot!

Bad enough listening to your lousy ringtones.

Now it's cost me units and revenge... my two favorite things!

Not to mention the entire ship to our presence. Turn it off!

I'm trying. Why does this thing have so many pockets?

'Cause you got no flargin' fashion sense!

Okay, this is not my phone.

Huh. Well, guess they hung up.

Okay, a butt dial from the Avengers

must mean Earth's in trouble.

But on the bright side, my spare jacket still fits.

These Avengers got no manners. First, they wreck our heist

with a distress signal, then they don't leave no message,

and now they won't pick up the krutackin comm!

Somehow I doubt it's just that.

Something spooked them enough to put this entire place on lockdown.

Humies ain't even thought about inventing tech that can keep me out.

Hmm?

Ain't you done enough damage touching things you shouldn't?

I am Groot! Access granted.

Show-off.

Clearly there was a battle here. We missed it!

Hello? Avengers!

Anyone wanna jump out and yell "surprise"?

Tony?

That's Iron Man!

He's unconscious. The Ant guy is too.

Hey, humie!

Wake... Whoa!

How many times I gotta tell ya to keep your branches to your... Whoa!

I am Groot!

Tony...

Don't worry. He's stable.

His chest thingie's fluctuating a bit, but,

I mean, how important could that be?

If a humie made it? Not.

Now hold still. I gotta fix your shrinkie sui...

Whoa!

Oh...

Stupid Earth tech!

Why...

Just pull the... grounding wire!

They all look like...

grounding wire!

Can we focus on what happened here?

Why did you send a distress signal?

I know we're not exactly besties,

but the other Avengers are off on active duty,

and I think whatever attacked us might be up your alley.

We possess know alley.

I mean it came from space.

As in Thanos' Sanctuary Asteroid.

Tony and I were knocked out before we could get a good look at it.

Our security cams might've caught something.

With this many angles, it'll take days

to compile the footage into anything useful.

Uh, that's 'cause you're a humie with lam-o humie tech.

We, on the other hand...

Whoa.

Yes, it's all very awe inspiring, even in flargin' monochrome.

Now tell us what we're looking at.

Tony and I were scanning the rock when there was an energy surge.

I tried to call you guys, but whatever was in that rock

broke out and hit us before I got through.

Oh, that's not good.

Any idea what it was?

A symbiote! It's not behaving like any symbiote I've ever seen.

Why didn't it try to bond with either of you.

Bigger question: Why was Thanos

keeping a pet symbiote inside his rock recliner?

Well, maybe we should ask him. Oh, wait. We can't.

He's buried somewhere at the center of the Earth.

If a symbiote is loose on this planet, then we must destroy it.

Glorious combat at last!

That was not me. No, no, no, no, no, that was Tony!

His Arc Reactor isn't fluctuating! It's on the verge of a meltdown!

I am Groot!

Oh, you definitely ain't touching that!

It's complicated, but I can fix it.

Although... there's a chance he'll explode.

Okay, new plan.

You focus on that. We'll nab your symbiote.

Don't worry. I got this.

We believe in you, Ant-Man.

Okay, everybody walk faster.

And we're back in the Big Apple,

which is both out of Iron Man's blast radius

and right on top of the symbiote on our scanners.

Although why that thing

would want to come to this dump is beyond me.

Signal's coming from underground.

Subway station means civilians. This needs to be a stealth job.

What, are you outta your d'ast mind? It's a symbiote.

We need to go in blasters blazing!

Okay, you can come, too,

but you're gonna have to blend.

This ain't my idea of blending.

So what if a few humies get hurt?

Shh!

Cats don't talk on Earth.

What did you call me?

Quiet. We're almost there.

No one puts me in no box!

And no one calls me a flargin' cat!

If you shoot me, you'll have to explain to a planet full of stupid humies

what a talking raccoon is doing down here with a glob of living space gunk!

Fine. I won't shoot.

Good.

Ow!

Gamora, which way to the symbiote?

The signal's coming from just ahead of you.

A few steps, and you should see it.

Um, how many steps is a few?

Quill, it's right there! Shoot!

Rocket!

Is it just me, or are these subway rats getting huge?

Okay, who are you, and what pajama party do I return you to?

Low blow. What, you don't recognize

your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man?

I know your cousin, Ant-Man. Now drop the raccoon.

I ain't no raccoon!

Never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna agree with the raccoon.

And Ant-Man is not my cousin.

This thing, however, is clearly some type of genetic experiment.

Well, when you put it like that... Rocket, get down!

Is that supposed to surprise me?

What's next, you gonna yell "psych"?

Okay, now, that surprised me.

I'm full of surprises, bug boy.

It's "Spider-Man." The webs kind of give it away.

Just like your name must be "Freeze Blast Dude"?

This thing does more than just freeze.

And it's "Star-Lord." Who?

Star-Lord. Who?

Star-Lord, Star-Lord, Star-Lord!

Okay, okay. Sheesh!

You're not the only one with tech, high-tops.

Hey! No fair! I can't see!

Rocket, where are you?

Psych! Whoa!

Dude, we just went over that.

We... We went over what now?

Wait. Are you taking it easy on me?

Well, duh. I don't wanna hurt you, kid. I just want my partner back.

Still not feeling the trust, Grandpa. Whoa!

Hurry up!

Ugh! This stuff tastes like dried Spartaxian dung beetles!

And how do you know that that tastes like?

Long story.

As adorable as this is, let's get back to...

Huh?