House of Cards

Hey, what are you doing?

Jesus. Did you get a good look?

- It's the Wartons' dog. - Oh, man.

It's not gonna make it.

Go see if they're home.

It's okay.

There are two kinds of pain.

The sort of pain that makes you strong

or useless pain, the sort of pain that's only suffering.

I have no patience for useless things.

Moments like this require someone who will act.

Who will do the unpleasant thing,

the necessary thing.

There.

No more pain.

It was a hit and run. I'm awfully sorry.

He must've jumped over the fence again.

Look, Steve is gonna file a report on the car. He'll put his people on it.

We'll track them down.

Stunning.

Shall we?

Three, two, one.

Happy New Year!

President-elect Garrett Walker.

Do I like him? No.

Do I believe in him? That's beside the point.

Any politician that gets 70 million votes

has tapped into something larger than himself,

larger than even me, as much as I hate to admit it.

Look at that winning smile, those trusting eyes.

I latched onto him early on and made myself vital.

After 22 years in Congress, I can smell which way the wind is blowing.

Jim Matthews, his Right Honorable Vice President.

Former governor of Pennsylvania.

He did his duty in delivering the Keystone State, bless his heart.

Now they're about to put him out to pasture.

But he looks happy enough, doesn't he?

For some, it's simply the size of the chair.

Linda Vasquez, Walker's chief of staff. I got her hired.

She's a woman, check. And a Latina, check. But more important than that,

she's as tough as a two-dollar steak. Check, check, check.

When it comes to the White House, you not only need the keys in your back-pocket,

you need the gatekeeper.

As for me, I'm just the lowly House Majority Whip.

I keep things moving in a Congress choked by pettiness and lassitude.

My job is to clear the pipes and keep the sludge moving.

But I won't have to be a plumber much longer.

I've done my time. I've backed the right man.

Give and take.

Welcome to Washington.

You need a haircut.

You think?

A little trim.

What are you going to wear?

- You mean for the meeting? - For the announcement.

I'll wear my navy blue, the one with the pinstripes.

Good. You look handsome in that suit.

I don't know if they'll announce before your board meeting.

As long as I can say the donation is coming.

Soon as it's official, SanCorp will write you a check.

This is going to be a big year for us.

- I wanna start with something here. - That's why I'm here.

Really? What?

I'd say immigration, banking or education.

But none of my regular sources can confirm that.

Because they don't know, or because they're not talking?

Because they don't know.

Keep at it. Get me something.

Sorry. Sorry, Mr. Hammerschmidt. Zoe.

- Barnes. - Right.

Did it take him a year to remember your name?

Longer.

Good morning, Lucas.

What can I do for you, Zoe?

I am sick of the Fairfax County Council.

You tell me every day.

Move me online.

My own blog.

First person. Subjective. 500 words.

- Not gonna happen. - I'll go underground.

Back rooms, the urinals.

I'll win over staff members on the Hill.

- They need a place to vent. - A gossip column.

No. We lift the veil.

What's really going on.

This is The Washington Herald, Zoe, it's not TMZ.

- Do you know how many people watch TMZ? - I couldn't care less.

Which is why print journalism is dying.

Then it'll die with dignity. At least at this paper.

You're stuck in the 20th century, Lucas. You lack imagination.

Maybe so, but right now, I don't need imagination, I need copy.

Your nights and weekends are yours.

I applaud whatever you want to do,

as long as it's not on my time.

- You're telling me to get back to work. - I am.

What you're really telling me is to fuck off.

I'm telling you both.

It's Mr. Chapman, already, from Province Trust.

Hold my calls, Christina.

Henry.

It's good to see you.

- How long are you in town for? - Just today.

You gotta come back down for the inauguration.

I can hook you up.

How about you hook me up with the zoning laws

you promised to get changed?

We've got 12 million sitting in escrow for an empty lot we can't build on.

I know. But you gotta understand, it's a local municipal issue.

- I can't just pick up the phone... - You can't?

Because that's not what you led us to believe when you begged for 50 grand in donations.

Right.

One sec.

Christina, I said no calls. Not while I'm meeting with Mr. Chapman.

The President-elect?

Do you mind?

No, go ahead, please.

Put him through, Christina.

Mr. President-elect.

Thank you. Yes, we were... We were pleased to win by double digits.

Absolutely, anything you need.

I need you to put your long, wet, talented tongue between my thighs

and make me squeal like Monica...

Me too, me too.

Okay. Thank you, sir.

I'm so sorry. Where were we?

Walker, what's he like?

Is the President-elect running late?

No. He couldn't make it. I'll brief him, though.

Okay.

This is the memo I drafted

on our Middle East policy we've been developing.

Now, I wanna borrow from Reagan,

I'd like to coin the phrase "trickle-down diplomacy."

- That way... - Frank, I'm going to stop you there.

We're not nominating you for Secretary of State.

I know he made you a promise, but circumstances have changed.

The nature of promises, Linda,

is that they remain immune to changing circumstances.

Garrett has thought long and hard about this,

and he's decided we need you to stay in Congress.

When was this decision made?

And why wasn't I part of a conversation?

I'm sorry, Frank. If it had been up to me,

I wouldn't have waited this long to tell you.

So you knew you were going to do this.

It has been an evolving discussion.

It's a chicken-shit move.

- Frank... - I was vetted.

- Was that a ruse? - No.

Let's be absolutely clear.

You wouldn't have won without me.

You're right. But now we have to lead, and that means making tough choices.

As you know, education is a top priority for us.

A complete federal overhaul.

But it's not just education, Frank. Congress is split.

We need you there more than we need you in the State Department.

I got you hired, Linda.

- I know. - Donations, endorsements.

I wrote the campaign's entire foreign policy platform.

I bring years of foreign affairs committee...

Frank, please.

I wanna speak to Walker personally.

The decision is made.

We need you, Frank.

Will you stand beside us or not?

Of course. If that's what the President wants.

I'm very glad to hear that.

I'm curious. If not me, then who?

Michael Kern.

Michael Kern.

Well, that is an excellent choice.

Can we make it more clear?

I just want to make sure it doesn't look like we're neglecting our domestic...

No. No, no, no. I'm gonna say that we're expanding our mission.

Okay.

And we're bringing on a new organization to help us.

- Do you know which one yet? - I'm still looking into a few options, but...

Tell me, what did we agree on, that we could hire how many new people?

- Six? - Six, maybe seven.

We'll have enough.

It's exciting.

This new direction we're heading.

I just don't know where we're going to fit all the people.

Do you think we have to look into additional space?

No, no, no, no. I'll find a way.

Okay, so make the changes to the PowerPoint

and let's meet again at 2:30.

Okay.

It's me.

I feel like an idiot leaving messages like this.

Call me back.

What is it, Zoe?

I know you're going to have your hands full at the White House,

so if you need someone to do research or punch out background...

I think I'll be fine.

Well, if things get hectic, and you need any help.

So you can blog about rubbing shoulders with the big boys?

What did Lucas tell you?

Look, no offense, Zoe, but I don't have time to be anyone's training wheels.

I just thought...