The Odd Couple

Hello, Oscar.

Felix, I hate that I'm used to this.

Observe.

After weeks of practice, I have successfully mastered

the salamba sirsasana.

By rooting my power deep into the earth,

I become an immovable tower of strength.

Aah!

Oh!

And gracefully transitioning into plow.

Thank you, Felix. That was a highlight

to an otherwise crappy day.

- What happened? - I'm crossing 71st Street

and some moron in a hot dog suit

shoves a flier in my face.

Oh, yes, I know him.

He's a very persistent wiener.

Anyway, I finally take it and throw it in the trash,

but because nobody picks up the garbage in this stupid city,

it just falls off the top of this trash mountain

and lands in the street.

I get a ticket for littering,

and the hot dog goes free.

Well, the hot dog could never go to jail.

He'd be eaten alive.

Really?

Nothing? You're in that bad of a mood?

I'm just so sick of New York.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna move into a cabin in the woods.

Yes, and marry a sexy survivalist

and smoke your own jerky.

You say that every few months.

I mean it this time.

I'm through with this city.

You know what you need

is an uplifting urban experience,

and I have just the thing.

If you say "paddle boating" again,

so help me God...

No, no, of course not.

Not when the swans are breeding.

Right.

No, my yoga instructor, Dante, has asked me

to fill in for him at his next class.

I didn't know you were good enough to teach.

Oh, yes, he said, and I quote,

"If you know so much about yoga, why don't you teach the class?"

And then he called me "smart guy."

I like this Dante.

Yes, that's the problem; everyone does.

He can't be a good teacher

because he's too busy being Mr. Popularity.

Well, you're not gonna have that problem.

So, what do you say?

Well, let me think it over for a second. No.

Oscar, your loss.

I really, really wish you would expose yourself to new things.

Whoa!

You are exposing me to enough right now!

Oscar, with a little bit of practice, you could do this.

Felix, if I could do that,

I'd never leave the apartment.

So, ever since I retired from baseball,

I've been getting offers to do endorsements and stuff,

and since you do such great work for Oscar,

I was hoping you could represent me.

Oh, I thought it might be something like that.

Great. This Norwegian company wants me

to endorse a new sports supplement.

It's called, uh,

Fjelltrakter.

It's supposed to...

...enhance your performance

and give you that extra burst of energy.

- Okay, we're gonna get you an acting coach. - Right.

But if this stuff makes me look like you,

I'll take some right now.

Well, it's medicine, Teddy.

It's not magic.

Hey, I only take crap like that from clients.

So sign here and initial there.

Magic, that's hilarious.

Okay, I have a double cheeseburger.

Uh-huh.

- A chicken sandwich. - Uh-huh.

And a loaded baked potato.

And none of that is what we ordered.

Again?

Sorry.

What can I get for you?

Oh, great.

You're all at the bar...

bright and early.

I will be teaching a yoga class tomorrow,

and I would love it if you could all make it.

If it isn't too much of a stretch.

Yeah, yoga's not really my thing.

Guys, yoga changed my life.

You might be surprised to know this, but when I was

going through my divorce, I was a bit of a wreck.

- You're kidding. - You? Come on!

- Yes, yes. - No.

Thanks to yoga, it helped me

face my demons and emerge a calmer, stronger man

ready to let go of my marriage

and move on with the next chapter of my life.

Really? You're moving on?

Like, dating and all that?

I mean, you never actually said dating,

but I think that we all just assumed.

I mean, you're a human with needs and desires.

Yes to yoga.

Great, Emily's in.

Murph, what do you say?

I guess I could.

I did a little yoga...

teacher once.

Got Murph. Teddy?

Well, my wife wants me to stay home

and watch The Notebook tomorrow,

so I'd say yes to an hour of being punched in the face.

I really look forward to teaching you,

but fair warning,

I plan on doing lots of hands-on adjustments.

Ooh, no problem.

Just grab me and go for it.

It's been a long time since I was...

adjusted.

Run, Oscar, move your skinny ass.

I got to quit smoking.

You don't smoke.

Then I'm really out of shape.

Now, remember, to get out of your littering ticket,

you have to walk into that courtroom with respect.

Keep a positive attitude.

Stupid court, stupid cop, stupid city.

Just a little ray of sunshine, aren't you?

Oh, step aside, stale urine.

We have a winner in the subway smell contest.

Oh, is it bothering you?

I'm so sorry.

Oh, fantastic.

Dinner and a show.

Could you do that in a different car, please?

Who made you king of the subway?

You just spit vindaloo all over my shirt.

Okay, some of that was already there.

Can't I just get from point "A" to point "B"

without the music, the spitting

and the making out?

Do you not see the ad for teenage pregnancy up there?

Oscar, calm down.

I'm not gonna calm down until I'm off this train

and away from all these idiots.

Son of a...

How long are we talking here, half an hour?

Well, the flier said 90 minutes.

With a nap in the middle?

Is that what that mat is for?

I'm gonna need some of those endurance pills.

How many should I take?

Let's see, uh,

between fjorten and, uh, keveld.

So, you just did your hair and makeup.

No heels?

Shut up.

I just came from a thing.

Was it a meeting with your john?

Have you guys seen Felix?

Class should be starting.

It's not like him to be...

Join me, fellow travelers,

as we embark

on a voyage of self-discovery.

Please welcome your spiritual captain...

...Felix Unger.

Where's Dante?

Okay, Dante is at his cousin's commitment ceremony in Paramus.

So I have the privilege of teaching you today.

Okay.

A couple of good spots have opened up, uh...

Now,

as some of you may know, I recently went

through a pretty painful divorce,

but it was yoga that got me through it.

It got me out of my spiral,

let me release my anger

and become the totally centered man

you see before you today.

Will Dante be back next week?

It's my belief that you haven't really practiced yoga

unless you've had a cathartic emotional breakthrough.

So hold on to your chakras,

'cause it's about to get namaste-y up in here.

We will dive in with a pose that tests

both your physical and your emotional strength,

yoganidrasana,

aka the human pretzel.

That's not how Dante starts the class.