Grey's Anatomy

Doctors practice deception all the time.

We give vague answers to hard questions.

We don't talk about post-op pain.

We say, "you'll experience some discomfort."

John Driscoll, white male, 62,

Alzheimer's diagnosed eight months ago.

Patient number one

of Alzheimer's N.G.F. clinical trial.

If you didn't die...

we tell you, "the surgery went well."

But the placebo has to be

the doctor's greatest deception.

Okay, you're gonna hear a...

a little drilling sound.

- How you doing, John? - Okay.

Great. You're doing great. All right, envelope, please.

Half of our patients, we tell the truth.

The other half...

we pray that the placebo effect's real.

Okay, John, we're gonna insert the probe now.

And we tell ourselves that they'll feel better anyhow,

believing help's on the way,

when in fact...

we're leaving them to die.

You have to say something.

Words. Make words.

- Holy crap. - Yep.

A baby?

Growing like a weed in my uterus.

Not like a weed.

Like a mighty oak.

We're gonna be great parents.

Mark, you... you don't have to do...

Are you kidding?

That's my kid in there.

I'm a dad.

We're parents... of a baby.

Okay. You're in.

- Should we get married? - Oh, no.

No, I mean, I'm all for raising a baby with you,

- but, uh, there's a line. - You're right.

That's good, 'cause I'm in love with Lexie, and it would be...

Oh, my God. Lexie.

What am I gonna tell Lexie?

Okay. You think about that.

Are you ready to talk now?

I want to say some not nice things,

and I want you to listen without saying

that our relationship is over or walking out.

Okay.

I'm mad that you slept with someone else.

And I know that we were broken up,

but still, you slept with someone else.

And I'm even madder that that person has a penis.

- And I know that you're bisexual, I know that... - Okay,

would you rather I slept with a busty redhead?

- 'Cause... - You have to give me a chance to process this, okay?

I am processing.

I didn't plan this, okay?

I-I...

I didn't plan any of this.

But there's a...

mighty oak or whatever showing up in our lives

in about seven months,

so... now I have to plan.

And I don't know how long I can wait

for you to process.

But I...

I want you... in my plan.

I want you to be a part of my plan.

So...

are you in or are you out?

Uh...

I'm in.

I'm in, but you have to give me...

You... I'm just... I'm s...

I'm still... I'm so mad at you,

so you have to give me a minute.

Okay.

By injecting methylene blue,

it's easier to identify the structures.

- What do you see, doctor? - Gallbladder...

Cystic duct, common bile duct.

Yes. Misidentification of the anatomy...

is the main cause of biliary tree injuries.

Today we're trying this new technique...

Put those things away, people.

No texting in my O.R.

Save that for the drive home.

Um, actually, we're not texting, sir.

Dr. Bailey's performing a toupet procedure right now,

and there wasn't enough room in her O.R.,

so we're just following it on Twitter.

Twitter?

What the hell is a Twitter?

I booked the O.R. I read up on the procedure.

I know this thing better than my

- own name at this point. - I pre-rounded on the patient,

and her pre-op labs are all done,

- and... - Wow. Quadruple bypasses are exciting, right?

First assist gets to sew all the grafts on to the heart.

- Plum job. - I want it!

- It would be an honor. - I know you're thinking,

whoever does this gets a leg up in the race for chief resident.

But do you want to know a good way not to get it?

That's to bug the crap out of me

- before my day even starts. - I'm sorry. I'll back off.

You know what? Actually, I'll go to the skills lab

and practice my grafts.

And you just let me know if you need anything at all...

Yang took the chart. She took the chart? What...

What did Arizona say?

Well, she said she's in.

- Well, that's good, right? - Oh, I'm still hedging my bets.

I'm not gonna move back in with her

until I know for sure she's not gonna bail again.

Hey, you got dinner plans tonight?

- No. - I'm cooking for you tonight, your place.

I rocked a lap chole.

Mm. Mwah.

So when are you gonna tell her?

Not until after my home-cooked meal.

Mark, you do not have to do this.

I am giving you a "get out of jail free" card.

No hard feelings. You... you can be the cool uncle

- that hangs out on Sundays. - I'm not the cool uncle. I'm the dad.

You love Lexie, and the last time

a Sloan kid appeared in Seattle, she dumped you.

Now if you were the cool uncle...

I'm not the cool uncle! Don't ever say that again!

Okay.

This is my kid. I want this kid.

- Cool uncle... - Well, so tell her.

Do not wait until this kid comes out looking all Sloany.

You didn't say good-bye this morning.

I had a surgery.

Mm. I didn't want to wake you.

No, you were starting your clinical trial,

and you feel guilty that I'm not on it,

so you snuck out.

You're right, but I don't feel guilty,

and I didn't sneak out. Uh, patient number two, Daniel Cobb,

admitted and in a room.

His wife has some questions for you.

- I can't believe... - Mm.

He picked you for this thing instead of me?

Well, Dr. Shepherd didn't want to leave anything to chance.

Now you can both go to hell.

Meredith, it was open to all the residents.

- Karev just did a better job of pitching me. - It was open

to all the residents except for one!

Ugh!

- You having a good day, Daniel? - Yes, I am, Dr. Shepherd.

You give me that new wonder drug of yours, I'll be even better.

Well, if it came down to how much I like the patient,

you'd be a shoo-in.

Now if Daniel gets the drug,

how soon will he stop slipping in and out of things?

Well, at this stage, we don't know

any more than you do, Mrs. Cobb.

That's why we're gonna do a 2-year follow-up.

And the idea that his condition could be reversed altogether,

is that completely out of the question?

Because I-I just read

- that when the drug was used on rats and monkeys... - Mm-hmm.

There was some reversal in tissue damage.

That's rats and monkeys. It could be different for humans.

Well, I don't want to rule out a reversal altogether.

But right now, we're trying to stop the progression.

All right, Dr. Karev is gonna take you down

for an M.R.I. later,

so if you have any more questions today, page him.

I'm feeling better already, Dr. Shepherd.

- Here we go. - Here we go.

A clinical trial's

a little different than a regular surgery.

You can paint a rosier picture.

Yeah, I-I didn't want to give 'em false hope.

You didn't give 'em any hope. Look, if Mrs. Cobb thinks

this is gonna give her husband a better chance,

she'll be a better caregiver, and in the end,

he has a better chance of success, okay?

Yes, sir.

Good.

- Is that all you're having? - Yeah, I think so. Um...

Mnh-mnh. Chief, this is my milkshake time.

Milkshake time is not a thing.

You didn't bother to tell me

that you were broadcasting surgeries.

Oh, I didn't think it'd be a big deal.

Well, it is. What if something goes wrong?

Look, the patients who want to do it

sign a comprehensive release.

And the nice thing is, most of them want to do it.

They're excited about being on the cutting edge.

Until they code on the table in front

- of the whole world. - In which case, I'd stop tweeting.

In the meantime, residents from all over the country

get to see a surgeon's decision-making process.

They get to ask questions live.