Viva

This is a story about a housewife during the sexual revolution.

The time is 1972, the place Los Angeles,

and the people...ordinary.

Good morning, lover.

You call this morning?

How about some breakfast?

Now I'm all set. Coffee and the morning paper!

What do you want to do today, Mark?

I want to take some photos. What do you want to do today, Mark?

I want to take some photos.

I've had this darn thing for a month, and I haven't had time to use it yet.

It's supposed to take great pictures.

Do you know it comes with a set of ND filters?

Now, that's a professional camera.

These girls in Playboy are pretty.

But none of them has a bust like mine.

What?

I have a better bust than any of these girls.

I should be in Playboy magazine.

That's right, honey.

If I could say one thing about you,

you've got great tits!

You're pretty ample yourself… where it counts!

It's such a beautiful day.

Maybe we could just lie by the pool all day.

I love lying by the pool.

And you could take pictures of me.

That's not a bad idea, honey.

My new camera will put you in the right light.

But if you take your clothes off, the neighbors will see.

They've seen tits before.

I mean, they've either got them or they're married to them.

What's the big deal?

But people are so uptight around here.

They go nuts when they see a little sex.

I know, honey.

There's just not enough love in this world, that's the problem.

Hey, I know what's wrong with this thing.

The camera needs a mount before you can put the filter on.

A mount?

Sounds interesting!

Hi, Barbi.

Hi, Sheila. Hi, Mark.

Hi, Barbi.

It's great to see you, Barbi.

To what do we owe this...pleasure?

To sheer boredom.

Rick and I were going to spend the day together,

but at the last minute, he had to work.

On Sunday?

Yes, I know. Isn't it terrible?

But it's really not so bad.

At least it leaves me time for...other diversions.

What are you guys up to?

Oh, we're just relaxing.

Would you like a drink?

Isn't it a little early?

It's never too early, is it, honey?

There are more than a thousand ways to blend whiskey in Scotland,

but Dewar's never varies...

so why should we?

Sheila, what are you reading? Playboy magazine?

I can't believe it.

Oh, Barbi, don't be such a square.

I only look at it for the articles.

And you'd be surprised. There's some very artistic photography.

I can look as good as these girls.

They're pretty, but they're too thin.

That's what I said, isn't it, honey?

Let's compare ourselves to them.

I've gotta get this!

Come and get it, boys. This all-American dish is just for you!

Viva Italia!

Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

You girls are fantastic.

You girls are really great!

I'm going to get you a drink.

Thanks.

Yeah, you girls are really great!

Thank you, Mark. You're sweet.

So how's it going, Barbi?

How's what going?

Life, love, business.

Life and love are fine.

As for business, you should ask Rick.

Rick works so much, I hardly ever see him.

As for me, my job is always the same.

A little dictation, a little pinch on the behind.

You know, the life of a secretary.

Sounds fascinating.

You think so? You should try it sometime.

You're a beautiful woman, Barbi.

Men can't help it if they respond to that.

You know, when I was a younger man, I only went for blondes.

Now I prefer brunettes.

They're more intense, more deeply sensual.

You'd better not let Sheila hear you say that.

What?

Nothing, Sheila.

I'm hot. I'm going to go for a swim.

Would anyone like to join me?

I will.

There's nothing I like more than being wet.

Be careful, honey. You're gonna say things you don't mean.

- What? What did I say? - Never mind.

Remember last night, honey? Remember what we did?

You little hussy. That's what I like about you.

We have a great sex life, don't we, honey?

Look, Barbi's pouting.

What a baby.

Babies can't have cigarettes and alcohol.

Babies can only have milk.

Can I have a drink, too?

Sure.

Thanks.

On a single pipe full of Bond Street tobacco,

you can travel a couple of relaxing miles in a canoe...

without even lifting a paddle.

Poor Barbi. All undressed,

and no place to go.

I'll get you a dress.

Now, how about that movie?

- Good morning, Miss Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Humphrey.

Now, take a letter, Miss Smith.

Dear Sirs.

We at Mutual Insurance

have been doing business with Johnson & Jones

for over fifteen years.

Hey, man. Is this the welfare office?

Room 222. Down the hall.

Oh, thanks, man.

Goddamn freeloading hippie!

Now, where were we?

"We at Mutual Insurance..."

Yes.

Now this merger...

This merger...

Oh, blast it, Miss Smith!

It isn't the merger I want! It's you!

I'm glad to see that you're always on top of things, Miss Smith.

Mine! All mine!

I'm not taking any calls.

Wait! I'm not through promoting you yet!

I'm ready for you, lover.

Rick!

Well, hello.

Hi, stranger.

How was your day, honey?

Long. I could use that martini.

Sure thing, Rick.

Anyone ever tell you you're the perfect little woman?

I sure try, Rick.

How was your day at the office, Rick?

Great. Sales have gone up 15% since I started working overtime.

If I keep it up,

we'll be able to buy that cabin and the fishing boat by the end of the year.

I sure am looking forward to doing some fishing.

I could use a break.

Rick, I lost my job today.

What happened?

Mr. Humphrey found out I was married.

It doesn't matter, honey.

I make enough money for the both of us.

You just work on being lovely, and on being my girl.

But I like to work.

Also, if I work, you won't have to go on so many business trips

and work so much overtime.

But I need the business trips.

It's the only chance I get to unwind.

In Indianapolis, I go drag racing.

In Monterey, I play golf.

In Aspen, I ski.

What could be better?

I understand, Rick.

It's just I wish we could spend more time together.

If you spent more time with me, you'd get sick of me.

Rick, do you think I would make a good model?

Sure, honey.

You could do just about anything you put your mind to.

Now how about you putting your mind on giving me a little lovin.'

Happy birthday, Mark. I brought you a present.

Oh, Sheila! Crown Royal! My favorite!

Not the whiskey, silly. Here. Open it.

Sheila! Cologne! Thanks!

Now, how about a toast to the birthday boy?

Mark,

Barbi and Rick have invited us to a barbeque on Sunday.

Don't you think I should have a new dress?

A new dress for a barbeque? That's ridiculous.

It's lucky I'm responsible with our money, or you'd have us in the poorhouse.

Here they are.

- Hi. - Hi.

How are you doing, old boy?

I can't complain. And yourself?

Not bad. Not bad.

I just love what you've done with your yard.

It's the manicured look. Very "in" this year.

What would you two like to drink?

I'll have a Pussycat.

Make it a gin and tonic.