Full Moon High

Oh, I love your helmet!

I love your cleats!

Ooh, and I love your padding.

That's not padding.

Hey Janie, how about me, I scored once.

I doubt that very much.

Ow, oh, ow, hey, hey hey hey.

Take it easy, easy on the old crotch there.

One touchdown, one touchdown!

That's all it takes, one lousy touchdown.

Okay, let's get our fannies in the showers, guys.

Finally got a chance to beat Simpson High

for the first time in history the school

all because we got Tony!

Yeah, that's right!

Hey fellas, who wants a nice massage?

Here comes old grab-ass again.

Yeah, let's quit it.

Hey uh, hey guys, uh.

Hey Tone, nice game today.

Thank you, oops.

Well uh, almost all used up anyway, sir.

Jeepers, they all run out of here

like I had the plague or something.

Hey.

Tony!

Hi there, Mr. Walker!

God bless America.

Tony, Tony.

You're going with your father?

Tony, that's no fun.

Tony, you're a strange boy.

Hi Janie, how about a ride?

Hey, maybe we can!

I know son it hasn't been easy

growing up deprived of some of the things

that other young boys have.

Like what, Dad?

Well, like a mother.

Didn't you notice?

I mean you do remember Mom, don't you?

Oh yeah, she was that nice lady

that used to take me to the beach and the playground

when I was real little.

No, that was the maid.

Oh, oh, I remember Mom now.

I came into your room once without knocking

and you were both in bed together.

You screamed at me to get out.

That was the maid.

Oh, whatever happened to that maid, Dad?

Oh, she ran off with my handkerchiefs and my ties.

I haven't heard from her since.

Whatever happened to Mom?

She ran off with my bank account and my stock portfolio,

and I haven't heard from her since.

But I'm about to make it up to you, son.

Well Dad it's not as if we never did anything together.

I mean you let me help you

build your bomb shelter and everything.

Yeah, and they all laughed at us, didn't they, huh?

But when those Russian missiles start pouring in,

we'll be the only ones in town still alive.

Oh, that'll be great.

Chipped beef is good tonight, isn't it?

Oh it's the best it's been this week.

You know it's a good thing

the Central Intelligence Agency selected me

to represent their interests in this Romanian caper.

Real spy stuff?

Shh.

No, we're just picking up some microfilm,

and you know you'll provide the perfect cover.

Father and son visiting Romania, tourists, it's perfect.

Yeah, but Dad I have the big game coming up.

Ah, I don't worry about the big game.

You'll be back in plenty of time for that,

and you'll come back a hero to your teammates,

but if you wanna let me and your country down

and back out now, um,

of course no one will think any less of you.

Oh no Dad, I'm anxious to go, really.

Romania, it's quite a country.

Steep behind the Iron Curtain.

It's steeped in the superstition of the dark ages.

A country warped by ignorance and fear.

You'll enjoy it.

My home is America.

It's a wonderful country, you'd love it.

It's the bastion of democracy and freedom.

As a matter of fact,

you two lovely ladies, in America,

would be free to walk the streets at night,

and you certainly would.

Oh, my friend Tony, uh.

Hi.

Back from the museum early?

Did it close?

No, the museum is still open,

but there's only so much oldness

a guy can take in one day, you know.

I was just explaining the Monroe Doctrine

to these two nurses.

Oh, huh, huh.

Well, there's a couple of dungeons in town

I haven't covered yet.

Good, this could be a long talk.

Oh, okay.

Well, I guess I sleep in the lobby again tonight.

All right now, my lovelies,

let's find out what communist infiltration is all about.

Please.

Can I read your hand?

Do you do this for a living?

No, here behind the Iron Curtain most books are forbidden,

so we read each other's hands.

Last week I waded through 14 hands.

One I couldn't put down till I finished it,

especially the dirty parts.

I'm sorry, I washed this morning.

Do you read bumps on the head as well?

Lithuanians are into bumps.

We are Romanian, we do hands.

Ah, well uh, be my guest, get engrossed.

Mm hmm.

That's an interesting hand.

Let's see the next one.

Mm hmm,, shit!

What do you see?

Oh, shit.

Well, wait a minute, how does that translate into English?

Have I got a short lifeline or what?

You will live forever.

Hey now, come on folks.

Let's not get carried away here, huh?

You will always remain young,

never to age.

Does that mean I will never be able to order a drink?

You carry the curse of the pentagram.

I've always wanted to go to the Pentagon.

Pentagram stupid.

Oh, oh, what shape is that?

The mark of the wolf.

When the moon is full,

don't make any important appointments.

You will be busy.

Now listen, I am not one of those types

to believe in things like, you know,

vampires and werewolves and virgins.

I've never seen any of those.

You will, you came to the right country.

Now you are doomed to wander the four corners of the earth

until you get sick of packing.

Then in time you will return to your home

to fulfill your destiny.

What destiny is that?

I'm sorry, you're out of palm.

So, goodbye and goodnight and tough titty.

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, come back here!

Aren't you gonna tell me the rest?

You only gave me the excerpts.

Uh, excuse me, I'm looking to get back to Main Street.

I'm a stranger, uh.

Uh, excuse me, excuse me.

You wouldn't happen to speak any English, would you?

I seem to have uh.

Excuse me, uh, do you speak English?

I'm looking for the Museum of Mental Illness.

You don't happen to know where that would, uh.

I should've brought breadcrumbs.

Hello, uh, is anybody home?

Look I'm lost and I need help.

I'm an American.

Thanks a lot.

I'll give my father the message.

Hello, uh, listen uh, I'm in trouble uh,

I'm lost and uh, I'm a Canadian.

Hello, nothing.

Maybe this is the Museum of Mental Illness, oh.

Hello, hello, listen I can hear you in there.

Please somebody's got to help me.

Oh, oh, what is that?

That frothing at the mouth stuff there.

Hey, hey, hey, is anybody here with this dog?

I mean, don't dogs have masters here?

Only musical accompanists?

Oh, holy shit.

The call of the wild.

I got a B+ on that report.

I'm very big on wolves, very, very big.

Nice wolf, nice wolf.

I'm sorry I called you a dog before.

Okay, all right, pee on me and let's call it a night, okay?

Ruin a pair of shoes, but leave the throat alone.

Hey, hey, hey!

Oh, please, please, somebody help!

No biting!

All right, okay, all right.

Take a hand or a finger,