The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother

The foreign secretary, Lord Redcliff.

Your Majesty, being inside of your confidence

is the greatest joy I've ever known.

Lord Redcliff, the fate of England is now in your hands.

Your confidence, being inside of Your Majesty

is the greatest single joy

I've ever known.

It's all right, Your Majesty. I've got it!

I've got it. All's well that ends well.

Shit.

Holy Jesus Christ!

But it's cold outside.

I say, Holmes, what did you think about Bessie Bellwood?

- Who the devil's Bessie Bellwood? - Who the devil is...

She's the young music hall singer. Came round to see you this afternoon.

Said she was being blackmailed or some such thing.

Yes. Why? What did you think of her?

Some kind of a crackpot if you ask me.

Too trifling to bother with.

My sentiments exactly.

So, Watson, what do you make of all this stolen document business?

Well, it must be pretty important, indeed

if the queen contacts you personally.

Her Majesty believes that unless the Redcliff document

is back in our hands by Thursday night

this country will be involved in a devastating war.

- Holmes! - Her Majesty suspects the French.

Now, you know my thinking, Watson.

- How would you proceed? - The 7:45 to Paris.

Bravo.

- How the devil can you leave the country tonight... - Without tipping off

every murderer and petty thief in England the moment we set foot on that train?

Quite simple.

While Sherlock is gone

he will pass on one or two of his less urgent assignments

to his brother Sigerson.

Holmes, you never told me you had a brother Sigerson.

I never told you I had a brother Mycroft until the occasion arose.

- But who is the fellow? - Sigerson is my younger brother

and he's spent the past 35 years

getting hopelessly twisted in my shadow.

- Extremely jealous, is he? - Something of the sort.

- Love and hate? - I should say hate and dislike.

Lovely flowers only a copper!

How much did he give you?

- Five pounds. - Strange fellows.

I still don't understand

why we're going through all this bother.

If that document is so bloody important

why aren't you handling this case yourself?

Because it all revolves around a woman, Watson

and a woman who must fall very much in love

before she's capable of trusting anyone.

Could I trouble you for a light?

Thank you so much.

I suppose you've seen Sigerson about all this.

Seeing me in person is much too upsetting to him.

Well, I assume you selected some messenger

who will present Sigerson with all the essential information.

Even as we speak, Watson. Even as we speak.

One Orville Stanley Sacker by name.

He's the only man I've ever met

who has a photographic sense of hearing.

My word!

- Are you Mr. S., for Sigerson, Holmes? - Perhaps.

Do you have a brother whose first name is Sherlock?

- I do not. - You do have a brother.

- I do. - Might I inquire as to his first name?

"Sheer Luck"!

I see.

Well, your brother "Sheer Luck" sent me around with an urgent request

and this £5 note.

Are you at all interested?

You can tell my brother to take his £5 note and shove...

May I say that I've been a great admirer of yours for many years

especially your handling of the case of the three testicles.

- You've studied the three testicles? - Orville Stanley Sacker

Sergeant, Records Bureau, Scotland Yard.

A pleasure, Mr. Holmes.

Come in, Orville. I was just making tea.

Hop on that bicycle seat. I won't be a minute.

Et la, la, la!

La, et la, la!

La, la, la, la, la! La, la!

Et la, la, la, la, la, la!

Come on. We haven't got all night.

All right. Start pedaling.

Keep a steady pace.

Do you think you could pump a little faster?

Certainly.

Et... la!

- I'm sorry. I wonder if I can get... - Pedal! Pedal!

For God's sake, man!

Don't just stop in the middle like that! What do you think this is, a toy shop?

Sucker.

Now, then, what's this urgent request?

Due to ill health, your brother has decided

to take a short vacation in the country

not very long, two or three days at most

- ...but he would very much appreciate... - Sit down, won't you?

Thank you.

- Some tea? - Yes. Thank you very much.

- Pray continue. - Due to ill health

your brother has decided to take a short vacation in the country

not very long, two or three days at most

- ...but he would very much appreciate... - Some milk?

- Just a drop. - You were saying?

Due to ill health

your brother has decided to take a short vacation in the country

not very long, two or three days at most...

- Sugar? - Just one, please.

- Yes, yes. Go on. - Due to ill health

your brother has decided to take a short vacation in the country

not very long, two or three days at most

but he would very much appreciate... very much appreciate...

If you would handle one of his most urgent cases during the time of his absence.

- I see. - All fees going to you, of course.

His way of saying he's stuck.

- Anything else? - He's taken the liberty of sending around

a Miss Bessie Bellwood of Chiselhurst

to whom he hopes you might be of some service.

- Bessie Bellwood? - Yes.

Are you sure the name is Bessie Bellwood?

- Positive. - I see.

Well, I'm very busy just now

but this case might present one or two points of interest.

At any rate, we shall know presently.

For unless I'm very much mistaken

the young lady's dainty hand

is just about to knock

upon my...

- ...door! - How did you...

Come in, Miss Bessie Bellwood of Chiselhurst.

There's a young lady downstairs to see you, my dear.

- Shall I show her up? - Show her up!

And stop tippytoeing around out there!

Walk like a man, for God's sake!

- Perhaps I better... - No, no, no. Sit down, Orville.

I find your presence comforting somehow.

How do you do? My name is Bessie Bellwood.

- Liar! - You don't fool around, do you?

How do you know that I'm not Bessie Bellwood?

Chorus.

All right!

Hello.

- Well, I don't think I know that one. - Pity.

The next time you decide to impersonate

a music-hall singer who's been dead for 12 and a half years

I suggest you learn her full repertoire.

Won't you come in, Miss Liar?

Thank you. My, what a charming flat.

This is my good friend Orville Slacker.

- Sacker. - Sacker. Sorry.

Orville, may I present Miss Liar?

How do you do? Pleased to meet you, I'm sure.

- Merci bien. - Won't you sit down?

No, thanks.

My! Your brother Sherlock certainly is a character.

My brother is a very insecure man.

Now precisely what is it that you want of me?

Well, I have this friend...

Liar!

I'm being blackmailed.

May I offer you some tea?

No, thanks.

Exactly who and what are you?

My name is Jenny Hill

and I'm simultaneously funny and sad.

How interesting.

Do you have any idea who's blackmailing you?

- Eduardo Gambetti. - Gambetti?

- Milk or sugar? - No, thank you.

Eduardo Gambetti... the name strikes a bell.

Every heard of him, Sacker?

Not Gambetti again.

Fraid so, sir.

Fat little fart fancies himself as an opera singer.

That's him, sir.

Pour us some tea, Sacker. Yes, sir.

How does he do it, Greerson?

Pays the highest prices for spicy lettuce, sir.

Everything in the market goes to Gambetti.

The swine. Swine he may be, sir

but he certainly is the cleverest of all the blackmailers.

I'm not sure... What just happened?

Never mind. I'll explain it to you later.

The swine wants money from you in return for what?

Mr. Gambetti promised not to show my fiancé

a... a... a foolish letter I wrote

to a silly young man I met in the country.

- What was in the letter? - Nothing. It was just an innocent little note.

- What was in the letter, Miss Hill? - Won't you call me Jenny?

What was in the letter, Miss Hill?

By the way, do you mind if I call you Siggy? Sigerson seems so formal.

What was in the letter, Miss Hill?

I said I wanted to touch his winkle!

I see.

- Good-bye. - His what?

Nothing! Nothing! I'll explain it to you later.

- You're leaving? - Yes, I have to be at the theater by 10:00.