Baby Daddy

Margarita on the rocks, huh? What?

That's an excellent choice, eh...

Have you seen our wine list?

Oh my God, what happened to all the bottles?

Danny. Pfft.

I'll talk to him, man.

Thank you, so much for filling in, man.

I can't believe I forgot to do the schedule again.

It's all my mom's fault she's so selfish.

Had to go on her stupid honeymoon.

Who's gonna wait on all these tables?

- Hey. - Riley, hey.

- Perfect timing. - Is Danny ready to go?

Yes, as soon as he finishes cooking this order.

What order?

Hi, thank you guys for waiting, this is Riley.

She'll be your server this evening.

Push the appies.

You know what, Ben? Ben, push them yourself.

All right? I passed the bar so that I wouldn't have to work in one.

Come on, dude, you've got to get it together.

I mean, Tucker's making drinks?

What's next? Is Emma working the deep fryer?

You kidding? She's my best cocktail waitress.

man, finding a new manager for the bar is going to be harder than I thought.

No one included the photo with their resume.

How am I supposed to tell if she's hot?

And why are you eating everything in the house?

Didn't you just eat at Riley's?

That's the problem. She's a horrible cook.

Oh. I know.

She make you one of her meat waffles?

Yeah. I didn't know it was possible

for something to be both overcooked

and undercooked at the exact same time.

But I don't want to hurt her feelings,

so, everything she puts in front of me,

I've been tossing, hiding, or flushing.

Knock, knock. Hey, babe.

Oh, hey, honey. Um...

Now that we've got all the food out,

we can finally clean the fridge.

Clean it, Ben.

Um, you forgot your gym bag,

and I found a meat waffle in it.

Oh, yeah, they're just so good

that I wanted to save one for after practice.

They taste even better when they've

been in a hot locker for a while.

No way!

I just got a resume from Sam Saffe.

I think it's really her.

Wait, wait, wait, Samantha Saffe from high school?

Ugh, she was so perfect.

God, I hated her.

Really? I thought she was nice.

You know, now that I think about it,

not a huge fan.

Yeah, well, I loved her.

Sat behind her in home room for three years.

Smell of cherry lip balm and acne cream still gets me going.

She didn't even know you were alive.

Oh, she will now.

Wait, you're not really gonna have her come in

for an interview, are you?

Uh, hell yeah.

This is the kind of moment

you dream about your entire life.

I'm gonna let her think she's got the job,

and then I'm gonna yank it away.

Then she'll feel like I did every single day of my life.

And that, my friends, will be the ultimate "re-Benge."

Ha-ha!

How have I not used that before?

"Re-Benge"... That's genius.

Oh, these are the moments where I really feel like I dodged a bullet.

- Hey. - Hey, Riles.

Back from my honeymoon.

Wanna see my tan lines?

Trick question. I don't have any.

Yeah, yeah, I got that from your postcard.

Even though the post office blacked out all the nude parts.

Sounds like your honeymoon was a dream come true.

Yeah. Sort of.

I want a divorce.

What?

You just got married!

You and Brad seem so happy together.

Well, of course Brad was happy.

He was with me!

But, you know, then on the plane on the way home,

I realized something terrible:

He was coming home with me.

I had breakfast, he was there.

I had lunch, still there.

Dinner, bed, my 2:00 A.M. tinkle time,

there, there, there!

And he's just completely smothering me.

Or... loving you?

Ugh.

He's left me 10 messages already this morning,

and I just saw him last night.

Mrs. Perrin, there's a Brad Walker here to see you.

Oh my God, Brad? Brad! What is Brad doing here?

Who knows?

He probably planted a GPS in my bra.

Okay, all right, here's what you do.

Just feel him out and see

if he'll be completely crushed if I leave him.

Oh, who am I kidding, of course he will be.

Why would I do that?

I gave you two sons. You owe me.

Yo, Sam's gonna be here any minute.

This is gonna be epic. I'm not even gonna recognize her.

She's gonna be all like, "oh, my God, Ben Wheeler, is that you?"

And then I'll be all like, "I'm sorry, do we know each other?"

And then she'll be like, "it's me, Sam Saffe from homeroom."

And I'll be like, "oh, what's up, baby?"

Oh, here she is.

Crap. She's even hotter.

Okay. Tucker, follow my lead.

And another thing. If I ever catch you stealing... olives ever again,

you're fired.

'Cause I'm the owner of this bar.

Yeah, that's right, I own this bar.

Look, I'm sorry, man.

It's not gonna happen again.

Hi, I'm Sam.

I'm here about the manager position.

I'm guessing you're the owner.

Right, hi, Sam.

Why don't we... why don't we sit down over here?

I'm... I'm Ben.

Nice to meet you.

Uh, so, I think my resume is up to date with my work history.

Ben Wheeler.

Right. Got it.

Uh, and as you can see, I have a degree in hotel restaurant management.

I'm sorry, let me stop you right there.

Is it just me, or do I look familiar to you?

No, I don't think so.

Uh, I have been working in this industry for...

It's me! Ben!

Ben Wheeler. We went to high school together?

We did?

I sat behind you in homeroom for three years.

You did?

I only remember some annoying guy with braces.

Oh, my God, it is you!

Danny Wheeler's little brother!

How is he?

Well, after the utter bliss of my honeymoon...

Yeah, Brad, about that.

What if I had some news that wasn't so blissful?

Oh, great. Just pile it on, life.

Take another swing at the ol' Brad punching bag.

How much can one man lose in one day?

Oh...

- So, you know? - Of course I know!

I know that he was so young and full of life,

with the whole world right at his...

Wait, how did you find out that my brother died?

Tad's dead? Oh, my God!

I... I obviously had no idea.

But... you seemed so upset,

I just assumed.

You assumed that my brother was dead?

I'm a really good assumer.

I got the call this morning.

Bonnie already slipped out of bed.

She's so sweet not to wake me.

I'm the executor of the will, that's why I came to see you.

That's just... ugh, that's horrible.

I can't believe it.

Tad's dead.

What are you doing?

I'm a big note taker.

He was on a spiritual quest around the world

to find himself.

Sadly, he did...

At the bottom of a ravine in Machu Picchu!

I begged him not to text and hang glide at the same time!

Oh, hey, Brad.

There you are.

I just got your messages about Tad.

I am so sorry.

- Oh, Bon-Bon. - Okay.

You're all I have left.

I am never gonna let you go.

Aww...

Never say never.

Hey, babe, what's with the grocery bags?

Oh, just making dinner for my man.

Um, sorry, I can't do dinner.

Why not?

Just give me a minute.

Got it.

Coach put me on a diet

'cause I ate so much of your food.

'Cause I love it so much.