Cougar Town

I have to admit, last night...

was pretty okay.

Well, that's weird.

During 'it', you were very vocal about how good 'it' was.

well, yeah, 'cause it's not sexy to moan,

"ooh, this is so okay."

dude, it's not you.

I just didn't have any of my major turn-ons-

R.E.O. Speedwagon playing, the sound of rain outside

Or the smell of pine.

My first boyfriend had a pine-scented air freshener

In his pickup truck. So the bar has been set very high.

Exactly. Look, this shouldn't be weird.

You know, what we did was totally natural,

Like the wind or not truing canadians.

I do hope we made a baby.

you should see your face right now.

It's hysterical.

I can't believe jeff and I are over. What am I gonna do now?

There's not that many men out there

Looking for a 40-something-year-old mom

Who needs lots of foreplay and is a mediocre cook. This will make you feel better.

Mmm. M&M tea.

Mmm.

Okay, you're not allowed to mope around on the couch all day,

Wearing a break-up blanket. I'm just chilly.

And? And...

God gave me one last chance to be happy, and I blew it.

I did not realize that god had taken such a personal interest

In this relationship.

I know. It's weird. God didn't care, jules.

He did. He didn't.

He did. You know what? Neither of us can win this fight.

but I know I'm right. she's wrong.

Wow. Okay. You're, uh, you're really naked.

I saw what you two did last night.

You better be careful.

My grandpa got beat up for watching ladies pee

Through a vent at the gas station.

Seems relevant. Did lover boy tell you he likes jules?

What? What? No.

I just said that someday I could end up with a girl like her.

Jules is your someday girl?

My what now?

A someday girl is

Someone who, someday, someone else, the first someone,

Could see themselves ending up with someday.

It's super serious! "Someday girl" is a great title for a new song.

Oh, I have to go see if jules feels the same way.

Have fun with that.

Sometimes after a breakup, I like to make myself feel better

By thinking about guys that I could someday see myself with.

Do you have anyone like that? Nope. No one.

Huh. Okay. What about grayson?

Oh, yeah, in about ten years from now,

When I'm done changing him.

The trick is to make him more emotionally accessible,

While at the same time, keeping him a little insecure

So he continues all that work on his body. It's a tightrope.

So grayson. That's super.

That's a pinecone. No matter how much you keep fondling it,

It's not gonna take you to cabo.

okay. I gotta go.

Be weirder.

Jeff had a really bad case of diarrhea once in cabo.

That's a good history. What am I doing?

I mean, I have to bust out of this funk right now.

Well, let's start by eating a crapload of something.

Put on your elastic pants. All right.

Hey, j-bird, if you want a funk bust, come on by the boat,

And we'll pound back a box of that pink wine you like so much.

She has to choose between you and me? What will she do?

Ease up, ellie nele, all right?

I'm dealing with something, too.

They're repaving the parking lot where I keep my boat,

So therefore, I have to move it. It's times like this

That makes me wish I owned my own parking lot. Really? That's what you wish for?

Mom, I'm gonna be late tonight. Be home by midnight. And don't forget our rule-

Do not wake me up when you get home.

Solid parenting, as always.

I'm a better mom with sleep. Hey, what are you doing tonight?

Hanging with the fellas-

You know, jon, skeetch, toby... Keith.

All of travis' friends sound like

They're country-western singers. Makes sense. We did name him after randy travis.

No, we didn't. Well, you didn't.

No touching.

" someday girl " " someday I'll meet her in our "

" someday world " Oh, no, no, no. You know what we should do?

We should go up at the end,

" so someday I'll meet her... "

" in our someday world " I can't work with you.

I have some bad news. You're jules' someday guy.

Sweet. "someday guy" is a perfect follow-up single

To "someday girl."

Do you know you're actually the only man

Who gets less sexy when he plays guitar?

Why aren't you taking this seriously?

I promise to take it seriously...

" someday "

hey, andy.

Huh? Please don't tell Elli anything until I figure this out.

Lucky for you, tonight is sexy night,

And I'm not allowed to speak.

Apparently it ruins the fantasy.

What? I don't like the onions. I just like the fried circles.

Do you remember when we were eating here

After that slag at the salon cut my bangs too short? You ate so many fisherman platters.

You made it on the wall.

Oh!

Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Have a fried circle.

mmm. Oh, I've gotta go.

I forgot it was sexy night with andy.

I hope he doesn't mind my fried shrimp belly.

Who am I kidding? I don't care. Mnh-mnh.

Let me take that. See ya. Wait a minute. I can't eat this stuff alone.

I mean, I'm going to, but then what?

Hey, bobby. Hey, hey.

You have any of that pink wine? I got white wine.

Well, mix in some kool-aid and make it pink.

I've still got some white trash in me. Whoo-hoo! You betc.

you know what sucks?

I didn't even know you were jules' someday guy.

I'm still gonna get punished.

If you're gonna get in trouble anyway,

Why not just hang out some more? Are you serious?

I'm sorry. It's just that this someday stuff

Is so ridiculously girlie.

"if neither one of us in married

In 20 years, we'll totally marry each other. Yay!"

Right. Cause that always works out.

We did have fun.

Eh. And it is raining out.

Plus, for some reason, you smell like pine.

Ugh. It's that damn pinecone.

Ha on. What are you doing?

" and I'm gonna keep on lovin' you "

It's like it's not even up to us.

" 'cause it's the only thing I want to do "

Drinking out of a third-place golf trophy

Makes you feel like a winner.

Ha! Good thing I didn't get first place, or you'd be blotto.

Oh, it's nice out here in the rain.

So what did you tell your parents you're doing tonight? I'm at a church lock-in

With the national honor society.

Well, I'm glad you'rhere.

Me, too.

"...Loving you "

" 'cause it's the only thing... "

Mm. Oh, I'm loving the belly.

No talking means no talking.

Oh, sorry.

Mm.

I know I'm having a pity party,

But when you're our age and a relationship doesn't work,

It's just easy to convince yourself

That you're not gonna have many more chances, you know?

" 'cause it's the only thing... "

Hey, you're gonna be just fine. Trust me.

Thank you, bobby.

" I don't wanna sleep " " don't wanna sleep "

" I just wanna keep on lovin' you "

" o "

Ooh.

How fun was that?

Pretty damn fun.

Hey, did you notice I had some new moves?

I did. Some were a little scary.

I know. I don't even like doing them.

But they make me feel dangerous, like a spy or a french person.

Hey, this isn't really a big deal, right?

Come on, j-bird. This was bound to happen eventually.

No biggie. Oh. At least it's not that awkward feeling you get

When you wake up next to someone your barely know.

This is the worst morning!

This is the best morning ever!

I can't believe you got all-the-way naked

For me last night. I love you. Relax, mr. Mcneedy.

It's not like it's the first time we've slept together.

Whoo!

What's up, sky?

What up, trees?

I am... A man!

Doesn't even matter.

Hey.

Hey, you.

Oh, my god. I'm so late. My mom's gonna kill me.

Uh, just leave the tent. I'll call you!

Wow. It's my very first golf cart ride of shame.

Hi, julie.

It's not that bad. Just pretend you're coming back

From some, uh, fancy ball or something.

Yeah, I'm cinderella.

I'm gonna grab us some coffees.

W- wait. Don't leave me. N-no! Oh, I want a latte!

well, well, well.

Oh, good. It's barb.

Returning to the ex-husband.

Kinda like an old security blanket-

Sure, it's a little frayed around the edges,