Youth (Youth – La giovinezza)

You can't smoke here.

What, even outside?

Not even inside.

Uh, well... Pardon me, Mr. Ballinger.

Or may I call you...

Maestro?

- May I ask how your holiday is going? - Very well, thank you.

You've been coming here long?

I've been coming here for about twenty years.

I used to come with my wife and now I keep coming on my own.

Why... why Switzerland, Maestro?

Well, it's close to Italy, and after London and New York...

I was director at the Venice orchestra.

- Of course! - For twenty-four years.

Silly of me!

And are you still directing or composing, Maestro?

No. I'm retired.

Maestro, as I indicated you In my letter, I work...

For the Entitlements and Events Office at the Buckingham Palace.

- You work for the Queen? - In a sense, yes.

Good. I find Monarchies so endearing.

If I may, Maestro...

Why exactly do You find the monarchy endearing?

Well, because it's so vulnerable.

You eliminate one person...

And all of a sudden...

The whole world changes.

Like in a marriage.

Maestro, Her Majesty The Queen would be honoured to confer ..

The knighthood upon You this coming June.

- Good. - Her Majesty The Queen will be de-lighted to learn you've accepted.

Her Majesty The Queen has never been de-lighted at anything.

Well... What is more.

Your investiture, just so happens to coincide...

With the birthday of His Royal Highness the Prince Philip.

And the queen would very much like to give him a concert by the BBC orchestra.

I don't conduct any more.

- I'm sure you have not forgotten how it's done. - No.

I haven't forgotten how it's done.

Prince Philip and the Queen will be simply ecstatic...

To hear you conduct your famous "Simple Songs".

I wil not conduct my "Simple Songs".

Why not?

Personal reasons.

The great soprano Sumi Jo has agreed to sing.

Sumi Jo won't do.

Tell me which soprano will do and you should have her.

No one will do.

Very well.

I shall relay our conversation to the Queen.

Good day, Maestro.

Do you see that?

Is that him?

Why yes...

It is! God!

Angela!

Melanie! Melanie!

I was thinking today how You and I have the same problem.

- Is that so? - We've been misunderstood our whole lives...

because we are allowed ourselves to give in just once to a little levity.

Levity is an irresistible temptation.

I worked with all the great European and American directors...

But I'll be remembered forever for "Mister Q".

For a fucking robot.

I had to wear suit of armour that weighted two hundred pounds.

You couldn't even see my face.

But every five minutes somebody has to come up and remind me...

I did "Mister Q".

The same way they remind You that You did the "Simple Songs".

And they forget...

That you also composed "The Black Prism"...

"Life of Hadrian" and all the rest.

Because levity also...

A perversion.

What are you doing in Europe?

I'm doing a new film in Germany. Starting in a month.

- I am developing the role. - Is it a light-hearted role?

That depends on your point of view.

And is all going well?

We'll see.

Well, it's late for me.

Not for me.

Good night.

Did You take a piss today?

Twice.

- Four drops. You? - Same. More or less.

More? Or less?

Less.

Look how beautiful they are.

Beautiful.

If you only knew how moving it is to see them working on the script.

They're so passionate.

You see these two?

They are falling in love but they don't know it yet.

- And how do you know? - I know because I know...

Everything there is to know about love.

Maybe you'll have to give me some lessons... one day.

It's late now.

- Have you heard the latest? - No.

Joyce Owens, Miss Universe, is coming to stay.

Apparently, one of her prizes is a free week in our hotel.

Yeah, I heard.

But It seems more like a punishment than a prize to me.

How's the script coming?

It's going to be masterpiece.

And my testament.

And Brenda is going to be an unforgettable leading lady.

We came upon a title today:

"Life's last day."

What do you think?

That's good, good.

I'm going to get some sleep.

Good night!

Good night.

That guy who levitates is out here.

I've been coming here for years.

He has never levitated.

So, where did You decide to go?

We're going to Polynesia for two weeks.

- Julian might go overboard as usual. - Good.

You're going to be be glad to have the room to yourself now. I've just been at your way.

Not at all. You've kept me company.

Mick is working...

- And I get bored. - You're not gonna be bored for a minute...

Because I have arranged the full service for you: You're going to have

a massage, sauna, check ups with the doctor every single day.

To help you get back in shape.

At my age, getting in shape is merely a waste of time.

And I will get even more bored.

You are victim of your own apathies, Daddy.

Why don't you guys go to Venice one of these days?

You could bring flowers to Mommy.

I've been meaning to tell you...

The French have emailed me every single day. They...

Insist that you write your memoires. What should I do?

Let them insist.

I'm going to call you as soon as I get there.

Bye Daddy.

Have fun!

Would you mind turning on your back, please?

After pain come pleasure.

And then... pain again.

- How is it going, Mr. Ballinger? - It's going.

I don't know where, but it's going.

My daughter says I'm apathetic.

You see... Is it that obvious?

You've been watching too many movies, you idiot, you've forgotten what life is about.

- Exactly! - Well, movies are life!

All you know how to do is criticize.

If you only has some inspiration for once...

Exactly!

Inspiration! Didn't they teach at the film school that inspiration does not exist?

Inspiration is a lie.

There is no such thing as inspiration. Only fermentation.

- Exactly. - Inspiration exists, all right...

You just don't recognise it because you have zero talent.

- Exactly. - What the fuck are you doing?

- Agreeing with everyone? - Yeah, of course!

I am timid and insecure.

My parents never gave me any encouragement.

I never had a girlfriend...

And I have some serious doubts about my sexual orientation.

Stop! It'll not go into move.

Well I has polio.

Don't you dare to accuse me of having no talent again, you idiot.

Now there is not the time for fermentation. You talentless parasite!

That's enough, you're really getting on my nerves.

We have to come up with an ending.

And you waste your time talking Philosophy and Big Ideas.

He is on his deathbed...

He can barely talk...

He whispers to his wife:

"Don't cry, honey."

"You know, I've always found women who weep frivolent and repulsive."

- Nice! - That's a totally asinine idea.

What else?

You won't fool me!

I know that you can't levitate.

That's everything?

Don't you need anything?

- What do you need band-aids for? - I don't.

I'm doing it out of solidarity with you.

Ah, fuck you.

You pay.

Do you remember Gilda?

- The film? - No, Gilda Black.

The girl that we were both in love with.

Gilda Black?

What are you... Have to remind me up for?

That was a hundred years ago.

To me it seems like yesterday.

I would have given twenty years of my life to have slept with her.

Well, that would've been a pretty stupid thing.

Guilda Black wasn't worth twenty years of life.

She wasn't worth a single day.

How do you know?

Did you sleep with her?

What? What did you say?

You heard me.

Sixty years ago you swore you never slept with her...