The Suite Life of Zack & Cody

All I'm saying is next time I tell some babe I'm 15,

Back me up.

All I said was, "I'm 12."

But we're twins.

She's bound to figure out one of us is lying.

When are you two gonna stop arguing?

Soon, I beg of you.

Or relocate your argument to some suitable alley.

Don't worry, Mr. Moseby. Things'll quiet down fast.

Cody and Tapeworm are leaving

For math camp for 2 weeks.

Camp knock-a-number.

They serve 3 squared meals a day.

Get it?

Squared. You know, math camp.

2 weeks of campfires, canoeing, and quadratic formulas.

Ooh. That sounds like heaven.

You're going as well?

No way!

I told the teacher you couldn't pay me

To spend 2 weeks with a bunch of math geeks.

Was that before or after you flunked your math test?

I'll have you know I flunked that test purposely

Just to get away from you.

Oh, yeah?

And who are you avoiding with your "D" in English?

Don't run-- not the cou--

Here I am in your life

Here you are in mine

Yes, we have a suite life

Most of the time

You and me got the world to see

So come on down

Just me and you know what to do

So come on down

It's you and me and me and you

We got the whole place to ourselves

You and me, we got it all for free

So come on down

This is the suite life

We've got a suite life

Hopefully french class to learn a word other than "moi."

No. I'm going to the D.M.V. to get my learner's permit.

You're gonna learn to drive?!

Oh, it's easy.

I've been watching my chauffeur do it for years.

But I have to pass their silly test first.

Here. Quiz me, candy girl.

Ok.

Here's one.

"when is it acceptable to park near a red curb?"

Well... If I'm wearing green,

Never. It would clash.

Oh, unless it's christmas.

You're gonna do great.

Don't forget to pack blankie.

Don't need it. I'm quitting cold turkey.

But it might come in handy.

Say you run into a grizzly bear.

You could take out your blankie,

And he would laugh himself to death.

Or I can show him your report card.

Ok. I've put nametags in all your clothes.

Here's my cell phone.

Call if there's an emergency, like you just want --

To hear mommy's voice.

Mom.

Oh, I'm gonna miss you so much.

Emergency!

Can't breathe!

Sorry.

Zack, you're gonna miss your brother, too, aren't ya?

Like a slow-healing scab.

You guys have never been apart, not ever.

Except for the first 10 minutes when Cody wasn't born.

Those were the days.

Hurry up, Cody. I don't want you to miss your bus.

Yeah. You don't wanna miss a bus full of nerds

Going, "2, 4, 6, 8,

Why can't we get a date?"

Well, bye, Zack.

Yeah, whatever.

Yeah!

Hey, Cody, what do you wanna watch on television?

Oh, I don't know, Zack.

As long as it's boring and educational.

Wrestling it is.

Mom, I'm bored.

Why don't you call Max?

Out of town.

Adam? -Chickenpox.

Danny? -He gave Adam chickenpox.

Well, why don't you go down to the game room?

There's no one to play with.

Well, here's a fun idea.

How about you clean up all this popcorn,

And then while you're on a roll, you can make the bed

I asked you to make a year ago.

I can't. There's popcorn in it.

One less to clean. Get to it.

Moseby, have you heard the good news?

Yes. One of the twins is gone for 2 weeks.

It's like falling in love.

Not that. I got my learner's permit.

Yay moi

Good for vous.

So now you're ready to hit the mean streets?

Yes. My daddy even bought me a car to practice on.

My friend Portia's gonna teach me.

The young lady who drove her father's yacht

Into piers 10, 11, and 12?

She was putting on sunscreen.

I won't have it.

You need proper, safe instruction,

And I am going to teach you.

You? -Why not?

I helped you take your first steps across this very lobby.

In designer booties.

I helped you roller-skate and learn how to ride a bike.

You're in our family album

More than my father or any of his ex-wives.

It only seems fitting that I steer you--

Through this rite of passage.

Let's say we give it a go.

How about first thing in the morning?

You got it. I'll meet you at the crack of noon.

Hiya!

Hello.

I'm Warren. Welcome to camp knock-a-number.

I'm Cody, and this is Tapeworm.

We're from boston.

That's pretty far away, isn't it?

Not really. Only 188.2 miles.

And the bus averaged 58 miles per hour

With no headwind.

So you guys made it here in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

3 1/2 hours.

We stopped for 2.6 tacos.

Man, math camp is better than I thought it would be.

Inverse tangent, hyperbolic sign 3.14159

Yay, numbers!

Esteban!

Oh, little blonde peoples, you scared me...

I mean people.

Here's your mama's dry cleaning.

Hold on. Don't you want to hang out?

Oh, no. I have work to do.

A group of bodybuilders are checking in.

You'd think they'd carry their own luggage.

Why don't you relax a little?

Maybe play some alien kung fu slam-a-jama?

Oh, but that doesn't come out for another month.

I've got my sources.

Ah, you know my weakness!

Put it in!

Got you, alien scum.

Oh, you did not. You missed.

Then why'd your head explode?

It doesn't matter. I'm a zylon.

So long, zylon.

Wait your turn.

You're running out of lives.

Well, you're running out of reload.

And I'm running out of patience.

Oh, Mr. Moseby, I am so sorry.

Your turn.

Watch out for his intergalactic exploding taser.

The only intergalactic explosion

You need to worry about is mine.

Ooh, you didn't eat those spicy beans again, did you?

Please get back to your job while you still have one.

Yes, sir.

Well done, Zack.

You're disrupting my hotel

From the comfort of your own room.

But I'm bored.

Well, that's too bad.

But the hotel employees are not your playmates.

You are so no match for me.

It's like you're not even trying.

And I just broke a million!

A new personal best!

Muriel. Muriel, wake up! I have something to show you!

Oh, not now, Gunther. I'm tired.

Never mind. I'll tell Cody.

At least with him, I can rub it in his face.

Hello, this is Cody

Using my mom's cell phone. Please leave a message,

And remember, numbers are your friends.

Why don't you ever answer this thing?

I've got important news.

I just beat my new high score in alien kung fu slam-a-jama.

Come on, Cody, we're going down to the lake.

Uh, maybe later. I have 16 messages from Zack.

I want to call him back.

But we're gonna factor

How many pints of water are in the lake.

Then calculate its oxygen content.

And estimate the fish population.

You guys are wild men.