mixed-ish

My parents did everything normal parents did.

And when the prince finally climbed the tower,

the princess said, "Thanks, buddy,

but I don't need your help."

"And from that day on, they shared responsibilities

and lived happily and equally ever after."

Psych!

My parents always had to be as progressive as possible.

- Hey, guys. - Hi!

Guess what. We were approached at the mall by a stranger.

- What? - At first, I thought it was a kidnapping,

because... look at me.

It was a recruiter for a beauty pageant,

and they want us to be in it.

Which also makes sense, because look at me.

So clear your schedule, sis.

- The prize is $40. - Mm.

I'm-a need my cut.

Why would you assume Alicia would take them?

Yeah, just because I'm a woman,

I'm the only one who can take girls to a pageant?

What is this, 1983?

This may be new to you, but we don't make decisions

- based on gender. - Mm-hmm.

You know, back on the commune, it was a gender-neutral...

- So you not coming? - No.

I'm taking Johan to test for his white belt in karate.

You guys are letting a woman take him to a dojo?

Which one of you did the breastfeeding?

Depends on which kid.

So, she's taking your son to the dojo

and you're taking the girls to the pageant?

You don't see gender, we know you don't see race,

and, uh, based on that shirt, you obviously don't see fashion.

We see humanity.

We see the good in everyone. Even you.

Then I'm sending the wrong signals.

Look, you can't ignore gender.

There's a boys' bathroom and a girls' bathroom.

And as long as there is breath in my lungs,

there will never be a third option.

In his defense, Granddad died

before there was a third option.

At least you're finally letting the girls do something girly!

This is gonna be so fun, sis!

Again, Paul's taking them.

But I don't like Paul.

Look, sometimes girls need their moms

instead of their dads.

Why would we listen to either of you?

- Mm. - You don't even have kids.

- That I know of. - Mm.

And do you really think you did a good job raising Paul?

I'm sorry. Just...

I was trying to hurt Harrison.

Did I hurt you?

Can't hurt me. I'm woman-proof.

- She hurt you. - Mm-hmm.

I can't believe we're going to be in a beauty pageant.

Are you sure that lady wasn't just talking to me?

If you're wondering why this pageant thing

was so exciting to me,

it's because my progressive parents

didn't want us girls to be raised to only value our looks.

- Aww! - Ohh!

Don't you look smart.

Like a woman who knows how to balance her own checkbook.

I understand where they were coming from now,

but when I was 12, I just wanted to feel pretty.

What if I win?

Against me?

And people wonder why we aren't close.

Wow.

Everyone's so... glamorous.

If I ever run away from home to come here,

don't try and find me.

Hold on. Wait a second.

Aren't all these girls a little young to be wearing makeup?

Paul, it's a beauty pageant.

Yeah, but what about natural beauty? Or inner beauty?

Right, 'cause men buy the Swimsuit Issue

for the natural beauty.

I'm just saying, you'd never catch Eleanor Roosevelt

or Susan B. Anthony prancing around in a swimsuit.

Imagine where their careers would've gone if they had.

I just don't want to teach my daughters

that beauty defines their self-worth.

Pageants are a good thing.

I did a few myself back in high school.

I even won Miss Black Awareness 1960.

It helped me break out of my shell.

I learned poise, confidence, and presence.

It was a springboard to my career in aerospace.

- Aerospace? - Mm-hmm.

- You're a baggage handler. - Mm-hmm.

All right, I'll just keep my mouth shut,

but this just doesn't feel like the kind of thing

my daughters should be doing.

Pageants are for pretty people.

You wouldn't understand.

Well...

Wow, with a name like Bob Lee,

I was expecting him to be a...

Harrison, you can't say that.

The proper term is "Oriental."

Saying "Oriental" in 1985 was actually "woke."

Honestly, the hardest part of karate

is staying humble.

It is a constant struggle not to let it go to your head

that you are the baddest man in every room.

For example...

I could destroy that man right there... easily.

I wouldn't even break a sweat.

And I would take parts of him home in my pocket.

- Do you know if they offer adult classes? - Mm.

When I am done training you boys,

you will have to clean your rooms out of respect,

because your fathers won't be strong enough to make you.

Hyah!

Now, who's ready to break some boards?!

Johan, you're up. Here we go.

Sir, yes, sir!

Again!

Is your hand broken?

I hope not.

Then again!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

What are you doing?

You can't cry in the dojo.

Of course he can. He can cry wherever he wants.

It's okay. Let it out.

No. Leave it in.

Don't you make him feel bad about expressing himself.

No, no, trust me.

I'm not gonna make him feel bad.

They are.

Isn't this exciting?

Santamonica just learned to put Vaseline on her teeth.

What... What does that do?

So you don't get stick-lip.

You know... when your lips stick to your teeth

from smiling so much.

Do you even hear yourself?

Woman complain about getting body complexes

and eating disorders from beauty magazines.

Where do you think all that starts?

I don't know, but you should get a better attitude.

One of these girls is gonna grow up to be your stepmom.

My dad might have hated it,

but I was so excited to be part of this new world...

even though I didn't know what I was doing.

She gets it from her auntie.

I was Miss Black Awareness 1960.

But you knew that already.

Hey, look.

Oh, good job, baby.

Ooh! Look at her walk!

Wait, wait. T-That's an accomplishment in this place?

Walking?

Great job, honey!

Walk on those stick shoes that some man invented

to keep women from running away!

Sir, is there a problem?

You know what? There is.

What are you teaching these girls?

Um, to love themselves and their community?

Ah, a community that glorifies

unrealistic beauty standards and superficial talents?

Let me guess, you think dancing with a ribbon is a talent

but science isn't a talent.

Because it's not a talent.

You can't watch science.

Exactly!

"Ooh! Science just went on tour.

Can you get me backstage to meet science?"

How am I the only person here who cares about women?

You know, my daughters don't belong here.

Santi, Rainbow, we're leaving.

Uh, okay...

I did not want to go, but maybe my Dad was right.

Maybe this wasn't for me.

If you want me to leave,

you're gonna have to drag me out kicking and screaming.

No! No! No! No! No!

Hey, this isn't my dad!

I don't know who this man is!

Put me down!

I parented my butt off today.

Baby, you married a triple threat...

father, husband, white.

You don't tell Denise these things, do you?

Actually, I got that from her. Yeah.

How did karate go?

I don't know if I should be the one taking Johan.

What do you think about swapping out?

I don't understand. Where's this coming from?