White Famous

Previously on White Famous...

Where were you last week?

Huge fan.

So, what, you a musician or...

I don't think your friend here knows a damn thing about me.

You and Kali seem to be getting along famously.

If you don't mind, maybe don't go there.

Bring in the love slaves!

Cut! Teddy, this is fucking offensive.

- Floyd, tell her, please. - Shit's fucked up, Teddy.

You fucking traitor. I always have your back,

and you don't have mine? You're dead to me.

'Cause you're so fuckin' blessed, man.

And you don't appreciate it.

Holy fucking shit.

Yep, welcome to my world.

- Floyd Mooney! - God.

How's Kali doing?

Why don't you ask her?

You guys together now?

You in love?

When can we expect the wedding?

Die young and suffer, motherfucker.

Who's the fat mailman?

You think Trump will go the full four?

Think Chris Christie looks good topless?

Think Star Wars has too many minorities in it now?

Where do you think O.J. should live when he gets out of jail?

You think you could beat up George Lopez?

Hey, how come Scientology

doesn't have any black people in it?

Thanks, Floyd.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, little man.

How's it looking in there?

- Not good. -

Okay.

On a scale of one to ten, what are we talking about?

Well, here's what we're not talking about...

you coming in anytime soon.

Oh, really?

Okay, that's good to know.

So I see you got a new girlfriend.

I wouldn't say that exactly.

- It's okay, Dad. I don't mind. - You don't?

No, you deserve to have fun too.

You can't just hang out with Uncle Balls all the time.

Yeah, that's true. I'd be laying down some serious carbs.

But I do miss you.

Doesn't seem like we spend as much time together these days.

Hey, if that's how you feel,

we're definitely gonna change that.

- Can we go to the movies? - Absolutely.

- Today? - No, not today.

I got this work thing I can't get out of. I'm sorry.

That's okay, Dad.

Tomorrow, though, for sure.

Sure.

Sounds good, Dad.

Nicely done, Floyd.

Got a lot of big laughs.

- It's what I do. -

What's up with her?

She's not particularly pleased with me right now.

Yeah, well, that's what happens when you shit where you eat, motherfucker.

Speaking of, Sadie is not

particularly pleased with you right now.

Oh, I know.

Well, I-I tried to get her to see it your way.

Listen, hey, hey, hey.

I don't need you fucking helping me, okay?

You mind your own fucking business, and you take care of your own shit.

Is that clear?

That was excellent, Floyd.

- Well done. - Thanks, thanks.

Well done to you too, Robert.

- Thank you. - Jolly good, well done.

Floyd, I'd like a word. Come with me.

- Right... - Don't say it.

- What? - You were about to say it.

You've got no idea what I'm going to say.

Yes, I do.

- Why don't we say it together? - Happy to.

Moment of complete honesty?

Oh, my God, Floyd, you are a magical Negro.

You have any idea how wrong that is to say to a brother?

Oh, no, God, I'm sorry.

I... no, I did not mean that in an offensive way, of course.

Oh, you didn't? Great, all is forgiven.

Oh, okay, thank you.

Not really.

I don't think you're right for this part, Floyd.

Okay, time to start swinging.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You're not following me, Floyd.

No, no, I'm not.

I don't think you're right for this part,

but I do think you're right for the lead opposite Gwen.

W-what about Robbie?

Did you hear the laughs you were getting, Floyd?

Yes, Robbie is a classically trained actor,

whatever that means, Jesus,

but you, my friend, you are far more charming

and likable.

Plus, it doesn't hurt you're dating Kali.

I mean, Jesus, you are trending on Twitter right now.

Okay, look, man, I don't want to get the part

just 'cause I'm on TMZ all of a sudden, okay?

For goodness' sake, grow a pair, Floyd.

Look, it doesn't matter why you get something.

It's the getting it that matters,

so I will call Malcolm, and in the meantime,

looks like a delightful day for a hike.

What do you say you and me hike Runyon, yeah?

Work up a sweat together.

- Yeah, fuck that. - No?

Oh, what a shame.

Well, I'll be thinking of you, kid.

Congrats.

All right, here we are.

To my best

and my favorite client.

Come on, Malcolm, give me a fucking break.

I'm your best and only client at this point.

Patently untrue, Floyd. I'm circling Robbie again.

He's vulnerable, and I think I can get him back.

Are you fucking kidding me right now?

- What? - You'd represent him

after everything we've been through?

Floyd, an agent's biggest skill is to forgive and forget

while simultaneously holding decades-long grudges.

That is the challenge, but I am

to the manor born, motherfucker.

I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about me and you.

Oh, yeah, but we got through that shit

and we're better off for it.

Malcolm, you're on the spectrum somewhere.

Like, seriously, y-you're fucking autistic.

No, I'm pretty sure I'm ADHD, but anyway, thank you for the compliment.

This is cheap-ass shit, Malcolm.

Yo, where'd you get this swill, man?

Balls, it's a celebratory gesture.

We open, we sip, we move on with our lives.

Everything does not have to be top-shelf foodie porn.

Yeah, but you didn't have to roll a hobo to get it.

Yeah, well, you don't need the calories.

Hey, y'all stop with the henpecking.

You were toasting to me, remember?

- Yes, that's right. - Okay.

- All right. - To Floyd Mooney,

soon to be on the cover

of, uh, uh, TV Guide.

Come on, man.

You can't do better than that for your boy?

All right, PM Dawn,

if you're such a great orator,

you say something.

All right, I will.

To my friend and countryman

Floyd Mooney.

A funnier motherfucker

- there never was. -

A better friend I'll never find.

May the road rise to meet you.

May the wind always be at your back.

And may the sun shine warm upon your face.

And may you give long, enthusiastic face rides

to an endless series of beautiful women.

That's a motherfucking toast right there.

You know what I'm saying?

Cheers. Cheers, nigga! Yeah!

All right, I was hooked the entire time. Kudos.

- Ugh. - Mm.

Okay, speaking of face riding,

I'm off to see the beautiful Kali.

Adieu to you, bitches.

Nice popping bubbly with you.

I'm so envious.

Your life is going really well right now.

Well, you know what? You're right.

I'm trying to enjoy it for once.

Trying not to bitch about everything.

Yeah, let's see how long that lasts.

Mm, mm.

Floyd.

Yeah. I'm looking for Kali?

Come on in.

Jimmy Duke.

I'm Kali's manager.

Cool, man. Yeah, yeah, that's-that's whatever.

Okay, where she at?

Oh, she's not here.

She's not coming back.